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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people I know to read my book?

464 replies

bethc765 · 04/02/2022 15:32

In October I released my first book. It's something I've been working on for a long time and something I've dreamt of since I was little.

It's been really well received, got a brilliant critical reception and I've had excellent feedback from readers.

But not a single person apart from my DH has even bought it. I was out with a friend recently and we went into Waterstones and I pointed it out and she remarked "oh i didn't realise it was a proper book and in shops and stuff".

I have a signing event coming up in March and mentioned it in passing and my friends seemed perplexed as to why anyone would want a book signed by me.

I support my friends with their endeavours so I'm a little bit hurt that nobody I know has shown the slightest bit of interest in something that was really important to me. I'm not even asking them to read it- just pretend they have!

OP posts:
mistermagpie · 04/02/2022 17:36

My friend could write a book about spiders or bricklaying or how to de-bobble a jumper (or anything I'm not interested) and if it was published I'd still buy a copy! I might not read it if it was on one of those subjects, to be fair, but most books aren't that expensive that you could save up even if you were skint.

I find it weird that they aren't supporting you, it's a pretty big deal to get actually published. At first I thought you were talking self publishing which is a bit different.

LunaLivia · 04/02/2022 17:38

I have published several kids’ books that have been well received and reviewed. I’ve won an award too. I don’t say much about it and people are often surprised when they find out. I’ve noticed that some people are really congratulatory, interested and pleased for me. But others are weirdly dismissive… I sometimes suspect there’s an element of jealousy at work.
My own sister never asks me anything about my writing or shows the slightest bit of interest. I’ve given her copies for her kids and she gives me no feedback whatsoever. I try to let it ride over me and continue to ask her about her work and hobbies Smile
Congratulations!

Couchbettato · 04/02/2022 17:40

You've intrigued me now because I've always wanted to write a book it's just I always thought you had to be one of the lucky few to get published so I've never bothered.

I'd love to know more about the process, but also if I were your friend id buy your book as a show of support.

Juniper68 · 04/02/2022 17:41

@LunaLivia

I have published several kids’ books that have been well received and reviewed. I’ve won an award too. I don’t say much about it and people are often surprised when they find out. I’ve noticed that some people are really congratulatory, interested and pleased for me. But others are weirdly dismissive… I sometimes suspect there’s an element of jealousy at work. My own sister never asks me anything about my writing or shows the slightest bit of interest. I’ve given her copies for her kids and she gives me no feedback whatsoever. I try to let it ride over me and continue to ask her about her work and hobbies Smile Congratulations!
JKR is that you Grin

That's sad about your sister.

rookiemere · 04/02/2022 17:42

Congratulations! I've tried writing so I know how difficult it is to get a book published.

I think there's a difference between a heartfelt well done and belittling you. It's too much to expect your friends to buy the book - why should they unless they have an interest in the genre - but I would expect them to be positive about book signings etc, in the same way I'd expect you would express mild congratulations if one of your friends got a promotion or something like that.

Mingmoo · 04/02/2022 17:43

I've written quite a few books and sometimes friends read them or buy them as presents for people. I love it when they do, but I never expect it. I always make a point of saying my genre isn't for everyone as a gentle get-out clause as I know some people don't like reading, don't want to read what I write or just don't have time to read anything even if they are good friends.

If it's your first book OF COURSE you're going to be very protective of it and want everyone to read it but even if everyone you know and their mum buys it, it won't make much of a difference to your overall sales. A stranger in Waterstones is more important than your friend as far as building your reputation goes anyway. Be proud of yourself but also keep your focus on the next book, which is what actually matters.

Lightning020 · 04/02/2022 17:46

Personally I would be really proud to have a friend who had her book published. I would have bought it without question.

I would be a bit disappointed if nobody had read a book I had written. It makes your friends sound very indifferent.

godmum56 · 04/02/2022 17:46

well congratualtions on getting published but YABU to "expect" friends to read it....

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 04/02/2022 17:47

I know where you're coming from. I started a small business a couple of years ago and out of my 200 or so friends on Facebook, only about 5 of them ever shared, liked it commented on anything. Just one reaction/like which takes less than a second would really help get my business seen, but hardly any of them ever bothered even though it would take no effort. Its shown me who really and truly does support me.(and when I've been on dragons den and I'm rich and famous I'll drive past their houses in my ferrari and wave)

godmum56 · 04/02/2022 17:47

@Kite22

Generally - YABU. I know 2 people who earn their living as authors and I know two other people who have also had a book published. I haven't bought any of them, because a) I don't read much anyway b) none of them are the sort of book I would read

I know someone that sells pottery that she makes. I don't buy her pottery either. Not that I don't appreciate that she is talented, but that I don't want to spend mney, buying stuff I don't want

I know someone else who is a singer songwriter. I don't go to that many of their gigs either, even though I know they get a proportion of the door money and they would like a bigger crowd there.

I know someone else that does carving - you know what? I don't buy their stuff either

Ditto the jam makers and the people that sell honey from their bees and the people that make door wreaths at Christmas and the friend that started making jewellery.

Good luck to you in your career, but there is only so much people can expect friends to fork out for things they wouldn't otherwise be buying.

This pretty much
Stoic123 · 04/02/2022 17:48

YANBU

If one of my close friends wrote a book, I'd buy it, read it and give lavish praise (whether I liked it or not).

Congratulations!

tunainatin · 04/02/2022 17:49

I'm a bit undecided here. I have friends and family that have published books. The friend I've not read any as they are about her life and I find it a bit strange, I would rather talk to her, they are self published. A family member has published books and I've read some but not others as one genre is my kind of thing but the other not. However, I am hugely impressed that they've done it and certainly express my support even if I don't read them. So I can see why your a little disappointed in your friend's responses

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 17:50

@TheGoldenWolfFleece

I know where you're coming from. I started a small business a couple of years ago and out of my 200 or so friends on Facebook, only about 5 of them ever shared, liked it commented on anything. Just one reaction/like which takes less than a second would really help get my business seen, but hardly any of them ever bothered even though it would take no effort. Its shown me who really and truly does support me.(and when I've been on dragons den and I'm rich and famous I'll drive past their houses in my ferrari and wave)
A business which requires your friends to do this isnt a viable business.

I'm a small business owner (day job) and writer.

I manage both without involving my friends.

womaninatightspot · 04/02/2022 17:52

YANBU One of my kid's friends parents brought out a book and I bought / read it / left a nice review on kindle to be supportive as she's really nice. I'd be a bit miffed if friends ignored it.

ClariceQuiff · 04/02/2022 17:53

I'd be worried in case I didn't like it and then would be in an awkward situation of either hurting your feelings or having to lie.

Viviennemary · 04/02/2022 17:54

Why didn't you give them a free signed copy. Thats what I would expect from a friend.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 17:55

@womaninatightspot

What if 15 of your friends started a small business/wrote a book/performed in a play.

At what point is it ok to say that you dont have the time or money to be involved in, read, buy, go and see whatever it is they are doing?

Beveren · 04/02/2022 17:56

Not sure about this really. What you've achieved is really impressive, but essentially you are wanting your friends to applaud you for your work, and most of us get by without that. I do something that occasionally means I pop in the media when they want a quick quote, but I don't tell my friends and am just pleasantly surprised if they comment that they've seen me. If they say something nice about it I must admit I tend to assume they're probably just being polite, but then I hate seeing myself on TV.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 17:57

@Viviennemary

That's really out of order. It is hard to make money from a book. The free copies are for them to have one ans the rest are usually promotion.

How many copies would you expect your friend to buy herself and then give out?

Either dont be involved or buy it yourself. Either is fine. You do not need to run around buying anything any friend makes. But you also should not expect anything for free.

If you're not a good enough friend to buy their book, then you're not a good enough friend to be given a free copy. And that's fine.

StrychnineIntheSandwiches · 04/02/2022 17:58

@LunaLivia

I have published several kids’ books that have been well received and reviewed. I’ve won an award too. I don’t say much about it and people are often surprised when they find out. I’ve noticed that some people are really congratulatory, interested and pleased for me. But others are weirdly dismissive… I sometimes suspect there’s an element of jealousy at work. My own sister never asks me anything about my writing or shows the slightest bit of interest. I’ve given her copies for her kids and she gives me no feedback whatsoever. I try to let it ride over me and continue to ask her about her work and hobbies Smile Congratulations!
definitely some tall poppy syndrome going on with sis and dismissive friends.
Firesidefox · 04/02/2022 17:59

Does it say something about you?

Three of my good friends have written books, and I have bought books by all of them - two I was genuinely interested in, and the third because it was a very good friend and I love him, even though I had no interest in his book. It's sci fi, so a genre I really am not interested in. I must admit I only bought his first though, none of the sequels.

Surely you have one or two close friends who might buy it?

What genre is it?

AngelinaFibres · 04/02/2022 18:01

Congratulations . I would be thrilled for you if you were my friend. I would take a picture if you with your book in Waterstones and take you out to lunch to celebrate 🍾. I would also come to your signing. I think you need new friends. I would like to nominate myself .Well done.x

Xmasbaby11 · 04/02/2022 18:01

For a close friend I would love to be involved, certainly buy the book and mention it to others, presuming I liked it. It is a huge deal and something to be very proud of!

I do however have a friend who has (self) published books and the books are awful. Children's books, seemingly pitched at 3-4 age but no pictures, kindle only, and not engaging anyway. She doesn't have kids or really any contact with any. I did buy the first one but couldn't bring myself to write a dishonest review and just left it at 'Congratulations!'.

eeek88 · 04/02/2022 18:02

I wouldn’t expect anyone to read my book if it’s clear they wouldn’t enjoy it, because they’re not readers, or don’t like that sort of book, or aren’t interested in the subject matter. But I’d hope that some of my friends and family might share enough of my interests and tastes to give it a whirl.

YABU to expect everyone to read it. Yanbu to expect some people to read it.

StanleyGreen · 04/02/2022 18:03

@Iamanicepersonreally

I think you're being a bit precious.
I think you're really not a nice person.
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