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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

building manager at work ruining my work life

192 replies

Vivbevorcath · 04/02/2022 15:25

I work in an office of around 250 people in central London. I am in a senior position in finance, being a woman it has not been easy to get here over the last decade and i am performing well for the company and I am a good boss to my reports. So a valued employee and generally believed to have good behaviours (according to my 360 references and good end of year “behaviour” scoring .)

The office is open 24/7 because it is a busy industry, so working in lots of different time zones. It’s also quite an intense job where you burn out quickly. It’s hard to juggle with family life and most people can do it solidly for around 10 years and then need to take a break. I work 90 hour weeks, often work weekends, and have 3DC under 5. I often don’t sleep at night and I try to do my share of school drops and pick ups, so I feel like a headless chicken most of the time. The management team at my company acknowledge that I always go above and beyond, I win them plenty of business and I am a strong part of the revenue line which pays everyone’s salaries in our London office.

There is a man who is the site manager at the office who seems to have decided to make my office life a living hell. The reason is that I have lost several of my office passes to get into the building and have required new ones over the years. OR due to the fact I am always dashing about, I have unexpectedly had to go into the office and collect something and needed a temporary pass.

Over the last two years he has done and said the following which I find disrespectful to me and unkind:

  • confronted me in the canteen, raising his voice and standing over me in front of 50 staff about me losing office passes and threatening to “lock me out of the building” if I do not return them
  • sending constant emails to the whole office (250 people) telling them that I have lost passes.
  • sent me bills to pay for new passes to be made
  • followed me into the lift and said things like “I caught you. You were trying to get away from me but I caught up.”
  • coming into my office and demanding I empty my bag and show him how many passes I have and which ones they are, while I am in a meeting
  • my colleagues tell me he is constantly in and out of my office when I am not there moving things around and looking for things (I understand the office is not my property but if he goes in every day when I am not there, surely that is needless?) he then often sends me an email cc’d into the management saying that I have left a mess or I did not fill my bin properly or my plant is dying end needs watering or I am using an old version of windows that is not compatible with the system!!
  • he has implied that he has access to all the security cameras and that he has seen me “up to no good” (I presume he means with the passes again!) he seems to think I have a visitor’s pass from long ago that I secretly use but honestly I have no idea - there is just a pass that I use (it is a plain white card… I don’t know if it’s a visitor’s or not)
  • the final straw is I came in today to do someone a favour (some extra work for the CEO) and he has remotely blocked my pass! So I could not get in. The work was time sensitive, I was banging on the door, and had to beg the security at reception to let me in. I will now have to go to him and ask for another pass and be subjected again to all of this.

Anyway. I think I am done with this and might just explode at him. I know workplace safety is important but I think he has gone too far. AIBU?

OP posts:
QuinnMovesOn · 06/02/2022 16:49

I also did insane workweeks for a long time, so all of you who are disparaging OP, recognize that this plus parenting is really hard and she isn't getting enough sleep.

As for how to deal with this... I had a very similar situation, and I solved it quite definitively.

I yelled back at him.

Bullies don't like that at all. He complained that I yelled at him in front of others and then never gave me any grief ever again.

Or if you'd rather not, go to your HR rep and yes, they should solve this for you. This is stalking and workplace harassment.

And yes, you probably can do better with not losing badges, I keep mine in my phone case so I don't lose it.

BABAHOTEL · 06/02/2022 18:22

@QuinnMovesOn

I also did insane workweeks for a long time, so all of you who are disparaging OP, recognize that this plus parenting is really hard and she isn't getting enough sleep.

As for how to deal with this... I had a very similar situation, and I solved it quite definitively.

I yelled back at him.

Bullies don't like that at all. He complained that I yelled at him in front of others and then never gave me any grief ever again.

Or if you'd rather not, go to your HR rep and yes, they should solve this for you. This is stalking and workplace harassment.

And yes, you probably can do better with not losing badges, I keep mine in my phone case so I don't lose it.

Not anyone other than herself to blame for not getting enough sleep!

As you say it's simple to solve, keep her badge/pass on her phone case.

TorringtonDean · 06/02/2022 18:48

90hrs a week? Nobody should be doing that.

Aaaabbbcccc · 06/02/2022 18:56

@TorringtonDean

90hrs a week? Nobody should be doing that.
Welcome to the corporate world - 90hrs is completely unremarkable
QuinnMovesOn · 06/02/2022 19:14

Regarding the "90 hours a week"... yes, this is for real. I ended up switching careers to get away from that. Because it is expected in some careers.

A580Hojas · 06/02/2022 20:59

Couldn't give a shit about anyone working 90 hours a week. Are we honestly supposed to feel sorry for you? You made your choice and took the pay cheque ... boo hoo.

TorringtonDean · 06/02/2022 21:20

Obviously it’s not sustainable to work those hours - kids or not - which is why people burn out, which you mentioned, OP. I’d think that terrible quality of life is more important to address than a few lost passes. If you are important, are you in a position to set a new pace?

HeyItsPickleRick · 07/02/2022 17:20

@A580Hojas

Couldn't give a shit about anyone working 90 hours a week. Are we honestly supposed to feel sorry for you? You made your choice and took the pay cheque ... boo hoo.
Wow. I imagine she's just giving some context as to why she is struggling to stay organised. Do you want some ketchup for that massive chip on your shoulder?
MulticatHouse · 07/02/2022 20:07

Christ on a bike, that's a lot of hours.
The most I ever did was 60-70 when I worked in tourism. It nearly broke me.

A580Hojas · 07/02/2022 20:15

"Wow. I imagine she's just giving some context as to why she is struggling to stay organised. Do you want some ketchup for that massive chip on your shoulder?"

Don't be a cliche spouting fool, come on! If I wanted to earn 90 hours a week and earn a massive salary I would have started down that route decades ago. I literally couldn't be less interested in the worries of money-driven, career-driven individuals who claim to not have enough hours in the day. There is no chip on my shoulder. I wonder if you even understand the meaning of the phrase.

BABAHOTEL · 07/02/2022 20:16

@HeyItsPickleRick I agree she's giving context, but she shouldn't be making it anyone else's problem.

I'm sure she must be losing a lot more than passes, if she's so unable to deal with life due to working hours.

Devilmakes3 · 07/02/2022 20:28

I think that while there is an issue there with the pass losing you work in a hierarchy and he is way beneath you in the hierarchy. I am willing to bet you that is a real problem for him and I am willing to bet he would not in a million years do this to a bloke at your level in the hierarchy. He is using the little bit of power he has in that hierarchy to get to you. There is all sorts of foibles that the senior management team where I work get away with but people at the lower tiers wouldn’t.

For goodness sake woman up and use the endless power you have earned within this structure and put him back into his box.

BunsOfAnarchy · 07/02/2022 21:19

He is being a little too harsh.
Bit of you say you lose one a year...that's still a lot!
I notoriously misplace stuff at home but I've worked 8 years in my current job, left my pass at home accidentally in my first week, and I've never once lost it.
Is it not on a lanyard for you to wear?
My company is not as flashy sounding as yours but security is bloody tight and I got a real talking to for having to use a temporary pass that one time.
I think if I lost mine multiple times, by the 2nd time I'd lost it, I'd probably face a disciplinary meeting.

Complain about his behaviour but also just see security as a priority. I hate my place of work but from the MD down to the cleaners, everyone is treated the same when it comes to security. It's not a joke.

comedycentral · 07/02/2022 21:27

Go to HR, tell them everything you told us. Show them the emails and raise a grievance. I'm sorry you are going through this op.

Ajl46 · 08/02/2022 13:14

@Teeturtle

I am in a senior position in finance, being a woman it has not been easy to get here.

This is the 21st century, I hate to break it to you but there are lots of senior women in finance. There was in the latter partof the last century too, I have been in finance for thirty years and know this. Anyway I mention it, because I wonder if you have a bit of an attitude, perhaps you think you are something a bit special and keeping your pass secure is not something you think you should have to do like everyone else.

Maybe this man has got a bee in his bonnet about you and perhaps he doesn’t like you, but he has a job to do too, keeping the building safe and you don’t seem to care about that much. I suspect you are exaggerating his actions, I suspect that both of you are being unreasonable but you are far from blameless in this.

There is still a long way to go... excerpt from a recent EY report: "On the FTSE 100, 31 women hold executive roles in 27 companies. Eight are CEOs, and 15 CFOs or finance directors."
comedycentral · 05/03/2022 19:49

How's it going up?

comedycentral · 05/03/2022 19:50

*op

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