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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

building manager at work ruining my work life

192 replies

Vivbevorcath · 04/02/2022 15:25

I work in an office of around 250 people in central London. I am in a senior position in finance, being a woman it has not been easy to get here over the last decade and i am performing well for the company and I am a good boss to my reports. So a valued employee and generally believed to have good behaviours (according to my 360 references and good end of year “behaviour” scoring .)

The office is open 24/7 because it is a busy industry, so working in lots of different time zones. It’s also quite an intense job where you burn out quickly. It’s hard to juggle with family life and most people can do it solidly for around 10 years and then need to take a break. I work 90 hour weeks, often work weekends, and have 3DC under 5. I often don’t sleep at night and I try to do my share of school drops and pick ups, so I feel like a headless chicken most of the time. The management team at my company acknowledge that I always go above and beyond, I win them plenty of business and I am a strong part of the revenue line which pays everyone’s salaries in our London office.

There is a man who is the site manager at the office who seems to have decided to make my office life a living hell. The reason is that I have lost several of my office passes to get into the building and have required new ones over the years. OR due to the fact I am always dashing about, I have unexpectedly had to go into the office and collect something and needed a temporary pass.

Over the last two years he has done and said the following which I find disrespectful to me and unkind:

  • confronted me in the canteen, raising his voice and standing over me in front of 50 staff about me losing office passes and threatening to “lock me out of the building” if I do not return them
  • sending constant emails to the whole office (250 people) telling them that I have lost passes.
  • sent me bills to pay for new passes to be made
  • followed me into the lift and said things like “I caught you. You were trying to get away from me but I caught up.”
  • coming into my office and demanding I empty my bag and show him how many passes I have and which ones they are, while I am in a meeting
  • my colleagues tell me he is constantly in and out of my office when I am not there moving things around and looking for things (I understand the office is not my property but if he goes in every day when I am not there, surely that is needless?) he then often sends me an email cc’d into the management saying that I have left a mess or I did not fill my bin properly or my plant is dying end needs watering or I am using an old version of windows that is not compatible with the system!!
  • he has implied that he has access to all the security cameras and that he has seen me “up to no good” (I presume he means with the passes again!) he seems to think I have a visitor’s pass from long ago that I secretly use but honestly I have no idea - there is just a pass that I use (it is a plain white card… I don’t know if it’s a visitor’s or not)
  • the final straw is I came in today to do someone a favour (some extra work for the CEO) and he has remotely blocked my pass! So I could not get in. The work was time sensitive, I was banging on the door, and had to beg the security at reception to let me in. I will now have to go to him and ask for another pass and be subjected again to all of this.

Anyway. I think I am done with this and might just explode at him. I know workplace safety is important but I think he has gone too far. AIBU?

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 04/02/2022 20:08

Hang on, during the height of the pandemic which was less than 3 years ago at some point you must have been heavily pregnant with a very young child and quite literally locked in doors as nobody could go out. We even had sanctioned walks. Confused

Coffeetree · 04/02/2022 20:18

Stop troll-hunting. She probably changed identity details.

SaySomethingMan · 04/02/2022 20:20

@NeverDropYourMooncup

You could try not losing so many passes?

The people on less than twenty grand a year have to pay for replacements as well in most firms. Is there any reason apart from being a very important woman with children why you should be exempt from this?

You certainly shouldn't be using a visitor pass, as that would come up on the system as a random person - in the event of a fire or other major event, there's no indication that it's you - which also has implications for security in terms of who was in a building at the time of a theft/other crime. It's pretty reasonable that if somebody is using a visitor pass when they aren't a visitor that it is blocked when the user won't hand it in; he'd be in trouble if he didn't pursue that - especially if on occasion, you've used multiple pass cards.

And there is the other side; you've got this position, but you can't manage to even keep hold of your pass or know what pass you are actually using because you lose so many of the things. It makes you look like you're not really coping with the role.

In my bugger all money and really not that important job, I have my pass and key fob, plus lanyard and carabina (as I detest wearing the thing round my neck, the clips are less than secure and, frankly, a carabina means if I drop it, I hear it and it doesn't disappear into the recesses of my handbag or a hole in my coat pocket, never to be found again). It's attached to me whilst at work, I go home, it gets hung up with my mask as soon as I walk through the door, it gets picked up as the last thing as I walk back out of the door. It doesn't go anywhere else.

You’ve nothing to say about the man’s behaviour? Confused
BooksAndHooks · 04/02/2022 20:27

He may be dealing with it in the wrong way but most companies I know losing a security pass repeatedly would be a disciplinary, it’s no different to losing keys.

phishy · 04/02/2022 20:31

@Coffeetree

Stop troll-hunting. She probably changed identity details.
Asking questions is not troll hunting.
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/02/2022 20:44

I do the passes for our place and our of the 50 people onsite, I've had to use over 100 fobs.
Fobs are about 90p each but need to be bough in packs of 10, the pack needs programming in and setting up etc. I issue each one and record who has which number and grant them access to where they specifically need.

It's a fanny ache!

They grant access to the building so each time one is lost I have to deregister it from the system, record the lost pass on the other system and set up the new one.

None of this is a huge issue but it adds up and it's so annoying when people forget their pass and I turn into a glorified doorman for the day while doing the rest of my job.

So I fully understand his frustrations with you. However, the way he goes about it is a joke. I'd never do anything he's described. If you kept losing passes I'd start charging you/your department for the replacements plus admin as it should come out of your budget, not mine. I wouldn't embarrass you in front of other people. I wouldn't snoop in your office or demand you show me the contents of your bag. That's a joke!

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/02/2022 20:47

If you lost your pass and someone uses it to break into the office, what would the repercussions be?
Would it be on him for not managing the security or you for losing the pass?

LetHimHaveIt · 04/02/2022 20:53

@malificent7

Well that's helpful mooncupConfused
I thought it was, actually. And I agree with her.
Frauhubert · 04/02/2022 21:02

He sounds like a bully, you sound like a hot mess

Vivbethorcath · 04/02/2022 21:03

Thank you all for the advice here, and helping me see both sides of the story. I have still come out with the belief that he is a harassing jobsworth and I will report it. After thinking about it so much today, I remember when I first arrived at the company he had, had a warning given after a former (female) employee had resigned and was working out her notice period. And the day after her resignation he had gone into her office and emptied her stuff in to the corridor and blocked her from entering the building.

And apologies I was not trying to say I was important. I suppose I was (badly) trying to make the point that he is not my boss. Whether or not they are an outsourced company, he either works for a services company or performs a services function and while security is an important issue, there are ways and means to politely communicate to even the most scatterbrained of people without threats, harassment and jumping off at the deep end.

Also sometimes when I start writing about it, I process my feelings better. I think at the beginning of the post I was questioning my right to have a problem with being treated that way and so was thinking on balance for everything I do and how hard I work I do not deserve to get treated like that by him. I can see why it might have come off as self important.

The management team (who are men) know what he’s like but they just give me an eye roll about him and tell me to ignore it. Bit hard when I am being blocked from entering the building.

And I was talking about the amount of DC duties and work just as a harassed mum to justify being stretched to the point that I am pulled in a lot of directions and lose things (although apparently I can’t do that.) Apparently I also cannot be a “high flyer” who loses things. According to some posters the two qualities do not exist in the same body Hmm

Kshhuxnxk · 04/02/2022 21:05

@NeverDropYourMooncup

You could try not losing so many passes?

The people on less than twenty grand a year have to pay for replacements as well in most firms. Is there any reason apart from being a very important woman with children why you should be exempt from this?

You certainly shouldn't be using a visitor pass, as that would come up on the system as a random person - in the event of a fire or other major event, there's no indication that it's you - which also has implications for security in terms of who was in a building at the time of a theft/other crime. It's pretty reasonable that if somebody is using a visitor pass when they aren't a visitor that it is blocked when the user won't hand it in; he'd be in trouble if he didn't pursue that - especially if on occasion, you've used multiple pass cards.

And there is the other side; you've got this position, but you can't manage to even keep hold of your pass or know what pass you are actually using because you lose so many of the things. It makes you look like you're not really coping with the role.

In my bugger all money and really not that important job, I have my pass and key fob, plus lanyard and carabina (as I detest wearing the thing round my neck, the clips are less than secure and, frankly, a carabina means if I drop it, I hear it and it doesn't disappear into the recesses of my handbag or a hole in my coat pocket, never to be found again). It's attached to me whilst at work, I go home, it gets hung up with my mask as soon as I walk through the door, it gets picked up as the last thing as I walk back out of the door. It doesn't go anywhere else.

Yep, agree with this too. It's a bloody hassle removing passes from system, reprogramming, not to mention the waste of money - it may only be a couple of pounds but they start mounting up!
Shakespearesist3r · 04/02/2022 21:07

Christ. He sounds like a bully.. But you sound really really annoying. Why can you just not get a Lanyard and put your pass in that??

RJnomore1 · 04/02/2022 21:08

He is dealing with it badly and you, op, sound like a disorganised nightmare.

NETSRIK · 04/02/2022 21:13

It's seriously not that difficult to just keep your security pass safe.

Most people I work with have passes they were given years and years ago. Most probably wish they'd lost it though judging by the dodgy hairstyles on their photos!

JanuaryJones22 · 04/02/2022 21:13

Wow @NeverDropYourMooncup I take it you're a vicious, bitter and jealous workplace bully as well then?

Bellyups · 04/02/2022 21:15

OP, I am assuming you are an intelligent, savvy individual who has fought hard to get where you are professionally.
He is bullying you. How would you normally deal with people like this in a professional sense? What is your response when he does all these things?
A report needs to be made.
Oh, and also be more careful with passes Smile

ButtockUp · 04/02/2022 21:16

He's clearly a jobsworth but why do you keep losing passes?

Do you have a flippant regard to the rules to the extent that you think that they don't apply to you?
Maybe his job is in jeopardy if he keeps letting people in who don't have a pass.

Where I used to work, if you lost your pass , you couldn't open the door. You then had to sign in but your ability to move around the building was restricted .

Just don't keep losing your pass then you won't need to come onto MN and moan about someone whose job is clearly more in peril than yours.'

LetHimHaveIt · 04/02/2022 21:17

@JanuaryJones22

Wow *@NeverDropYourMooncup* I take it you're a vicious, bitter and jealous workplace bully as well then?
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
daimbarsatemydogsbone · 04/02/2022 21:21

Apparently I also cannot be a “high flyer” who loses things. According to some posters the two qualities do not exist in the same body

How often do you lose you car keys, or house keys, or purse/wallet?
Just want to get an idea....

WeAreTheHeroes · 04/02/2022 21:28

The daft thing about this is that passes that aren't being used can just be deactivated remotely. It should be very simple to cancel something that has been lost or mislaid. The searching your office is a breach of privacy. Is this guy employed by the same company or by the landlord or management company for the building?

JanuaryJones22 · 04/02/2022 21:34

He's a total bully OP, coming into your office and poking around makes me feel really creeped out just reading it!

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 04/02/2022 21:35

I can see both sides

I am a high flyer who loses things
I've always done it since I was a kid. My mum says she used to just sweep all the contacts of the lost property table into her bag at the end of term as it was all mine
I regularly have to cancel my bank cards because I lose them so much
I have lost my work keys and ID card a few times despite knowing the importance
And yet I am a senior, respected well paid person in my workplace.

But I don't think I am above 'the law'
I do feel bad that I am making work for other people by losing stuff if it impacts others
I pay the fines and take my telling off
I know that it's not a good thing to be doing it's just that I find it very hard to change. The more stressed I am the more stuff I lose.

OP It doesn't come off well the way you talk about this guy who is ultimately doing his job and who you are causing huge inconvenience to. It comes across that you are so important that you should not have to abide by the rules and he should suck up all the inconvenience because he is just one of the 'little people'
It does sound as though he is harassing you the way you tell it but equally it seems as though there might be another side to the story. If you were using a visitors pass instead of your own and despite warnings did nothing to change that then surely he is within his rights to cancel it and the fact that you couldn't then get in was actually your own fault for not sorting out a proper pass.

JanuaryJones22 · 04/02/2022 21:36

I love how all the keepers of the passes get really upset about the costs, let it go, it's not your money.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/02/2022 21:39

@JanuaryJones22

I love how all the keepers of the passes get really upset about the costs, let it go, it's not your money.
Comes out of our budget though.
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/02/2022 21:40

Why should our department miss out on quarterly/annual budget rewards because another is costing us money?