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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
LoudSnoringDog · 04/02/2022 18:06

What the fuck no chance

Gizacluethen · 04/02/2022 18:07

God I think you need to set her straight. "Why have you invited yourself on DPs stag do 🤨"
She's really out of order. I think Katherine lads should move the stag do again and not tell her where. Even plan for someone to pick G up from the current place and take him so he's not guilty. The best men need to sort it out.

Pallisers · 04/02/2022 18:07

I'm gobsmacked at her crashing a stag weekend but having a toddler crash it too brings it to a while other level.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 18:09

Poor G. Is he happy with her? They have a child so its complicated but is he happy?

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 18:10

This is like that thread when a woman brought her husband and child on a hen weekend after being specially told she couldnt and she tried to smuggle them into the group accommodation when everyone was at dinner.

If you dont nip it in the bud, she wont stop!

Tiredmummyof3 · 04/02/2022 18:14

@Itsalmostanaccessory

This is like that thread when a woman brought her husband and child on a hen weekend after being specially told she couldnt and she tried to smuggle them into the group accommodation when everyone was at dinner.

If you dont nip it in the bud, she wont stop!

That just sounds hilarious! I so want to read that thread!! Some people are bonkers!
Pedalpushers · 04/02/2022 18:16

@Itsalmostanaccessory

This is like that thread when a woman brought her husband and child on a hen weekend after being specially told she couldnt and she tried to smuggle them into the group accommodation when everyone was at dinner.

If you dont nip it in the bud, she wont stop!

Someone did similar on a hen do I once went on - insisted her husband and child had to come as she couldn't bear to be away from the child for one night. The child was 4.
StrychnineIntheSandwiches · 04/02/2022 18:16

@astoundedgoat

I think her partner needs to pull out. Clearly he has relationship issues that he needs to sort out, but in the short term he shouldn’t be letting it take over his friend’s stag.
This seems the easiest solution. Let him deal with her neediness and let your DH have the weekend he planned.
BatshitBanshee · 04/02/2022 18:19

If I were you OP I would be taking back control with the primary best man and restoring the original stag plan and I'd tell B/G/WhoeverTheFuck that far too many accommodations have been made for her on my partner's stag do and it will not be continuing. I hope you enjoy your weekend break in an annexe. Why does your DH miss out because she's a controlling bitch.

SecretKeeper1 · 04/02/2022 18:20

@Itsalmostanaccessory

This is like that thread when a woman brought her husband and child on a hen weekend after being specially told she couldnt and she tried to smuggle them into the group accommodation when everyone was at dinner.

If you dont nip it in the bud, she wont stop!

OMG I remember that. Batshit. Can anyone find the thread?
cherish123 · 04/02/2022 18:20

B is being ridiculous. Why does she need to be nearby? She obviously doesn't trust him. Say you're not going to the meal. Explain to B that it's not fair on the your OH to gatecrash his stag meal. Could you invite her to another meal - just women?

BasiliskStare · 04/02/2022 18:21

I am old so in my day a stag do was 1 night and taxi home or in our case DH to be me , best man and his wife went out for a meal.

Irrelevant - I know things are different now but in the spirit of the thing it is meant to be the groom having a night / time away with his friends. (As with the bride ) I think if the groom wants this set up - fine - if it really changes what he wanted he need to say.

& @Mizanined - As you have said I would politely decline .

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 04/02/2022 18:21

Your h needs to talk to his best man and tell him to get her to stop out. She's being completely unreasonable.

Popstarrrrr · 04/02/2022 18:22

@Itsalmostanaccessory

Poor G. Is he happy with her? They have a child so its complicated but is he happy?
I'd ask this too. B's behaviour is controlling and bizarre. I'm trying to imagine if my partner booked the room next to me when I'm away with friends and invited themselves to our group dinner. My friends would probably conduct a risk assessment for my safety (we work in social care).
Nanny0gg · 04/02/2022 18:28

@CaMePlaitPas

This has got weird written all over it. Could this be the first time she is supposed to be alone overnight with the "baby"? Could explain the anxiety.
I'll lay odds she's worried about the other women going on the stag
CurzonDax · 04/02/2022 18:30

Sounds like she needs to speak to somebody (a counsellor) regarding her insecurities, rather than inflicting them on the rest of the group.

Bad enough that she's invited herself along, but what group of men want to end up minding a toddler on a stag do?

Vloggamammy · 04/02/2022 18:30

Sorry but what has an ex GF got to do with his stag ? I know they have a child but again why would a child attend a stag party ? What is her problem ? He is marrying you not you so I don't see why she had any say at all in the stag unless in some way it was going to affect his ability to parent which obviously it wont. It is none of her business. What a CF!

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 18:32

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2998359-AIBU-You-dont-bring-a-toddler-to-a-hen-do?postsby=whyhastherumgone&fromid=70954237

@SecretKeeper1
@Tiredmummyof3

I think this is it. Goes on to a second thread at least.

fruitbrewhaha · 04/02/2022 18:32

@Vloggamammy

Sorry but what has an ex GF got to do with his stag ? I know they have a child but again why would a child attend a stag party ? What is her problem ? He is marrying you not you so I don't see why she had any say at all in the stag unless in some way it was going to affect his ability to parent which obviously it wont. It is none of her business. What a CF!
You've misunderstood what's going on here. Re-read the OP.
fruitbrewhaha · 04/02/2022 18:35

Is it too late to change the booking to the seaside house? How much would they loose in deposit? I think I'd suggest they change it back and tell G he can travel that bit further or not come. Then tell B to wind her neck in.

Vloggamammy · 04/02/2022 18:36

yes was just about to say ive re read - ok I still dont know what G's gf has to do with OPs DH stag. If she doesn't want him going why doesnt she just say instead of trying to control someone elses stag.

TempName01 · 04/02/2022 18:37

Get one of your ‘no nonsense’ mates on the hen WhatsApp to tell her straight

StrychnineIntheSandwiches · 04/02/2022 18:39

maybe she's told herself that only an insecure control freak would ban their boyfriend from going, whereas what she's doing is just happening to have a nice weekend away with her baby in a completely non-needy and weird way.

people tell themselves all sorts.

Vloggamammy · 04/02/2022 18:41

@StrychnineIntheSandwiches

maybe she's told herself that only an insecure control freak would ban their boyfriend from going, whereas what she's doing is just happening to have a nice weekend away with her baby in a completely non-needy and weird way.

people tell themselves all sorts.

Can you imagine if they get married , there'll be no stag for him I'd say LOL
Pirate009 · 04/02/2022 18:41

I would ring the place and cancel her booking or at least confirm it can be cancelled. Then rearrange it all. Seriously this has trouble written all over it and if it was the other way around people would kick off. She’s not going to like the chat G will have with her on this and I fear he is in a lose lose situation