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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
browneyes77 · 05/02/2022 14:49

@Toanewstart23

This honestly and truly sounds like the kind of drama I experienced in sixth form

We’d all grown out of it by time we left sixth for uni / work.

It would seem the OP, her partner and this group…. Didn’t

Were you this obnoxious in sixth form?

As maybe that’s something you haven’t yet grown out of.

Mummapenguin20 · 05/02/2022 14:57

She wouldnt be coming to my hen

Shitandhills · 05/02/2022 15:01

Hahaha she sounds utterly unhinged! How on earth did she think this was normal, reasonable behaviour?!

Carolbaskinstiger · 05/02/2022 15:04

Eagerly awaiting Monday

UniversalAunt · 05/02/2022 15:24

So much to keep me hanging on to this thread.

Monday’s call with G.
Lead up to stag in March.
Stag in March
Ditto the Hen.
Wedding in October.

Who needs BoJo & Carrie when we have the G&B serial drama.
Who needs Partygate when we have Restogate.

billy1966 · 05/02/2022 15:33

I wouldn't want her anywhere near my hen, wedding etc.

I wouldn't want her in my social circle.

She is rude and beyond presumptuous.

I would have nothing further to do with her.

How dare she ruin your fiancé's stag with her antics.

Appallingly ill mannered.

stiffstink · 05/02/2022 15:45

What boggles my mind is that the location of the accommodation was moved to a different town so G would be nearer to B at home, but B isn't going to be at home anyway. So the accommodation and the restaurant time has been changed and now the restaurant itself is being changed.

Are you not worried she's going to bring the toddler on the hen do?! Or will she leave the toddler with G to ward off horny women?

feelsobadfeltsogood · 05/02/2022 15:47

Why does she even need to be there!??? Very weird

Northernparent68 · 05/02/2022 16:03

She’s probably ruined the stag and will no doubt ruin your hen and wedding, your and your finance would be well advised to cancel and rearrange

Miri13 · 05/02/2022 16:04

She sounds like a total control freak. All the hens need to respond with a definite No, they won’t be around as it’s the stags weekend and they are not taking part. I feel sorry for G ☹️

blyn72 · 05/02/2022 16:15

I don't understand why she wants to tag along with an eighteen month old baby. It seems really odd to me unless she is nervous at home without her partner.

OP, I'd stay out of it in your place. Leave it those actually involved and organising the stag.

Pipsquiggle · 05/02/2022 16:15

Blimey OP things have certainly moved on a bit.

She's obviously bat shit - l mean the annex booking and then changing the meal to 3 hours earlier to accommodate her and the baby - completely bonkers. Is she very, very selfish? Can't think of anyone but herself?

Your hen will certainly be 'interesting' - do you want her to attend?

Thewoolmill · 05/02/2022 16:29

B sounds really rude. Whether that stems from severe anxiety or entitlement, I can’t believe she’s had the audacity to change plans for someone else’s event and essentially invite herself along.

Cherrysoup · 05/02/2022 17:06

B sounds very insecure/controlling. I’m appalled that they all caved and let her move the town and now she’s wrecked their restaurant booking. I hope her dp has had serious words with her.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2022 17:14

The 'Monday Chat' will be interesting I'm sure.

If it's anything similar to the 'chat' that my DH's 'former BFF' (I mentioned in a prior post) had with 'the guys' it will be that he understands that B is 'overbearing' and he understands why everyone is pissed of with her but that they all need to understand that he loves her and that she has his first loyalty so he isn't going to 'challenge' her lest she leave him. He'll apologize for her behaviour copiously, but it will be clear that he will do nothing to stop her doing similar in the future.

Changing the dinner reservation to suit her schedule would be exactly the sort of thing former BFF's wife would do. It was absolutely inconceivable that her desires would not be catered to by everyone that came within her sphere. Once at an all day long event we went to with them DH and I had to TWICE swap seats with her and former BFF because she thought our seats were 'better', then decided they weren't. Former BFF begged us to do it because he knew he'd catch a ration of shit from her later if we didn't.

If the stag goes ahead, I'd have one or more of the stags show up ASAP and 'take over' the rented annexe by spreading their stuff all over. Although I suppose since she booked it herself no one but she would be given the key and it'll sit empty unless until she shows up.

billy1966 · 05/02/2022 17:17

As for G?

He's no friend allowing tjis bullshit to happen.

He should have reined her in sharpish.

RedToothBrush · 05/02/2022 17:23

Monday chat?

"I'm sorry, I'm not available to indulgence this crap anymore. Sort your shit out. Be there as invited. It shouldn't be the drama that its become."

Vampiremockumentary · 05/02/2022 17:46

Yep.

TrashyPanda · 05/02/2022 17:53

She is bonkers

ArchibaldsDaddy · 05/02/2022 17:55

B strikes me as an insecure control freak - YANBU.

And B should, unequivocally, be told that she’s not welcome…

Sunsetmom · 05/02/2022 18:00

There must be trust issues for her to be like this! It’s crazy, I would have to say something! I feel sorry for ur DP, it’s his stag do and he should do what he wants, where he wants with who he wants and a girlfriend and baby tagging along changes the whole dynamics! She needs to be told!

Mumof3confused · 05/02/2022 18:03

Gosh I feel so sorry for the man who married her.

Hertsgirl10 · 05/02/2022 18:10

She’s blocked you but is saying she’s going to your hen do? Get the nutter blocked by you and all the hens.

AuntieMaggie · 05/02/2022 18:11

I wonder what she's got planned for your hen 😳

SeasonFinale · 05/02/2022 18:14

And is she bringing G and the baby to it or is that a surprise for you?!