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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 05/02/2022 09:46

Just hope she isn't planning on bringing baby to your hen do!

BobHadBitchTits · 05/02/2022 10:03

The whole thing needs to be scrapped.

New plans made. A place for G but he's not told of the plans beforehand. He just gets taken to the new location after arriving at the meeting place alone.

Or, he's just uninvited to save all this bullshit.

FirstTimeSecondTime · 05/02/2022 10:03

She sounds unhinged

RampantIvy · 05/02/2022 10:15

@BobHadBitchTits

The whole thing needs to be scrapped.

New plans made. A place for G but he's not told of the plans beforehand. He just gets taken to the new location after arriving at the meeting place alone.

Or, he's just uninvited to save all this bullshit.

I agree
Darkstar4855 · 05/02/2022 10:25

I would be uninviting B to the hen on the grounds of changing the restaurant booking without agreement, it’s very underhand and I wouldn’t trust her not to turn up on the hen with baby in tow and pull the same crap.

Cantleave · 05/02/2022 10:55

I haven’t read all the posts, but just the OP’s ones, so apologies but this may have been said. The thing that strikes me in all this is, that B wanted the Stag do venue changed in case she needed G to be able to get home quickly if she needed help with 18 month old, but is quite happy to go to the Hen do abroad!! What if G needs help and wants her to get home quickly? It’s a hell of a lot easier getting home from a venue in the U.K. than one abroad!

3luckystars · 05/02/2022 10:57

Well he can’t cheat on her while looking after a toddler so the hen should be ok.
That’s what this is all about.

If you look at the photos of the stag afterwards, you might notice someone reading a newspaper in the background with eyes cut out of it.

NewtoHolland · 05/02/2022 11:09

She's Bunny boiling bat shit!! Imagine changing the restaurant booking!!! This will probably be in the sun tomorrow OP.

Toanewstart23 · 05/02/2022 11:20

@3luckystars

I also wanted to say that your husband’s group do sound very nice, they were really being kind and understanding towards her until she went completely over the top. They were a lot more accommodating than most stag groups would have been.

I am really looking forward to this stag party now.

What you see as “very nice” I see as spineless
MammaMacgill87 · 05/02/2022 11:46

Wow that's a saga and a half 😂 I can't wait for the tell all post where she crashes the stag do causes a huge public scene, it turns out she's had an affair and now as a result doesn't trust G lol. I'm joking obviously I hope it all goes smoothly now. She has some serious trust issues and seems as if she's always tried to to grab G and keep him away from everyone. I recon noone will be seeing.him for a very long time after this wedding that's for sure. My biggest question is why on earth has she blocked you on WhatsApp? As far as I can see you haven't even really interacted with her? Isn't this whole thing going to massively effect the dynamic of your hen now too? And I'd like to say huge props to the chat organisers for removing you and Mr from the chats in the end to damage control. Neither of you need any of this drama, it should be a case of turn up have a great time go home, that's the whole point of bm and moh, I really hope she sees sense and stays out of it all now, hey at least the cats had a nice tune out of it all

thecatsthecats · 05/02/2022 12:01

@Cantleave

I haven’t read all the posts, but just the OP’s ones, so apologies but this may have been said. The thing that strikes me in all this is, that B wanted the Stag do venue changed in case she needed G to be able to get home quickly if she needed help with 18 month old, but is quite happy to go to the Hen do abroad!! What if G needs help and wants her to get home quickly? It’s a hell of a lot easier getting home from a venue in the U.K. than one abroad!
I'm guessing because if she has trust issues that she thinks the baby is an effective stop on her partner cheating, maybe?

Funnily enough, I was thinking the other day that whilst you get threads on MN about babies crashing hen dos, that you wouldn't get men taking that shit - but these guys let it get quite far.

Also, I had to intervene to make sure my DH got a stag do at all, because his best man went AWOL, but none of his ushers or family stepped up to sort it (and when they did they were a bit useless, and I had to fend them off bothering my husband with every last question when he was stressed and upset).

notanothertakeaway · 05/02/2022 12:02

@3luckystars

I also wanted to say that your husband’s group do sound very nice, they were really being kind and understanding towards her until she went completely over the top. They were a lot more accommodating than most stag groups would have been.

I am really looking forward to this stag party now.

I disagree @3luckystars

I think they sound like a bunch of wimps who allowed B to screw up the weekend for everybody

They should have politely said at the outset that B wasnt included

Nanny0gg · 05/02/2022 12:05

@Dibbydoos

I don't know her, but could she be feeling a little anxious being alone?

I think she needs to but out and let them do their boys things. Why isn't her partner telling her to but out? Could you meet up with her to prevent a catastrophe. I'd do that for my partner.

Try to be a little charitable here, she sounds needy hence my worry she's anxious....

Why should her 'anxiousness' impinge on everyone else and ruin someone's pretty important event?

Personally I think she's jealous and is worried about the other women going.

Nanny0gg · 05/02/2022 12:06

@3luckystars

Well he can’t cheat on her while looking after a toddler so the hen should be ok. That’s what this is all about.

If you look at the photos of the stag afterwards, you might notice someone reading a newspaper in the background with eyes cut out of it.

Grin
CaveMum · 05/02/2022 12:11

I suggest that all details of the stag going forward be kept secret from G. Not that he can’t be trusted but she sounds like the type to check his phone/emails so the less he’s told the less she can find out. Booking a new restaurant and not telling anyone (they can be told time and venue on the day itself) means she’s less likely to conveniently turn up.

RavenclawDiadem · 05/02/2022 12:15

Have just read this thread, and the other one linked to and...

Some people are just BONKERS.

JudgeJ · 05/02/2022 12:42

@AdviceOnLife

So B has you blocked, is not happy about the drama and is still intending to go to your hen do thinking she is happily welcome 😂😂 She really does have some nerve.

As for the restaurant they should have checked with the original person who booked before amanding anything.

Too many Bs in this post, B the loopy girlfriend, B the bridesmaid, BM best man etc etc. Maybe the would-be interloper could have been N for nutter. The blocking B was a bestman/bridesmaid as I understand it!
JudgeJ · 05/02/2022 12:46

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs
Calm down dear, Mrs Putin's on the site and will deny him his conjugals if he interupts the thread with WWIII.
RedToothBrush · 05/02/2022 12:53

I'm with notanothertakeaway

Sometimes the polite and kind thing to do is be blunt and say no from the outset, rather than end up bitch about the gradual change of plan before ending in an explosive argument because the situation has escalated to such a ridiculous point.

They needed to say much earlier 'you are overstepping the mark', before she managed to park her push chair in the middle of their stag do.

Its a lot easier to back down at that point, than when you've already changed the meal booking to 5pm and ordered the high chair.

Joxster · 05/02/2022 13:26

Shamelessly bookmarking for the Monday update……

CookieMunch · 05/02/2022 13:31

OP If their initials are actually P and J you’re welcome to DM me because all this sounds very familiar (a couple who are relatives of mine do exactly this). In our case the boyfriend deals with this kind of thing all the time and cleans it all up for her and talks everyone down from confronting her. If it’s the same couple it’s very unlikely either will actually turn up to the stag and hen do now as you’ve stood up to them. We’re all regularly blackmailed to go along with her requests no matter how crazy (and they do get totally crazy) because if we refuse or even dare to question then we’re not allowed to see them for months or years. Based on my experiences I would just step away from them now before they ruin your whole wedding with their drama.

MerryMarigold · 05/02/2022 13:43

@JudgeJ, as I understand B the girfriend has blocked OP on WhatsApp.

BM (Bridesmaid) and BM (Best Man) have ralso emoved OP and her fiance from the hen/ stag WhatsApp groups - not out of malice, but to save them from the drama.

Nowayoutonlydown · 05/02/2022 13:51

I've got many many anxiety issues but even I can't understand this.

B needs telling she is being absolutely bonkers and told to back off. It is simply not appropriate given this is an evening for partners to enjoy themselves without their partners and kids being at the forefront of their minds.
And also, she needs uninviting to your hen do unless she apologises profusely.

Nowayoutonlydown · 05/02/2022 13:51

....also G needs to know that he has support.

browneyes77 · 05/02/2022 14:36

@Stressedout1009

I don't understand why any of you entertained her in the first place. Right at the start someone should have put her in her place. Someone who blocked me would not be attending any event of mine. Wait for the stag to be over and uninvite her yourself.
Absolutely this.
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