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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
Roo4u · 05/02/2022 07:47

Definitely doesn't trust her own man

MrsTrumpton · 05/02/2022 07:48

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs
There's always one. Hmm Are you planning to pop on the many hundreds of threads started overnight about silly stuff – there's even one about celeb sex scandals in the 90s – to berate those posters for sharing too? Go be annoyed on Twitter or the Guardian website or somewhere else that isn't MN because I think you've missed the point of it entirely.
IncompleteSenten · 05/02/2022 07:56

Not chatting about day to day stuff will Save The World.

notanothertakeaway · 05/02/2022 08:00

B sounds bonkers, but really, BM and DP and G are partly at fault. if they had said No, sorry, not happening" earlier, then the situation wouldn't have escalated as it did

Please keep updating though. I'm intrigued to hear how it all pans out

ladyflower23 · 05/02/2022 08:04

I haven't been this invested in a thread for ages. It's really helping take my mind off WW3. Please keep us updated OP. It's your duty.

diddl · 05/02/2022 08:11

Why are these people ever indulged at all?

Why wasn't it a no from the first place?

So I guess this is all because there will be women on the stag night?

And what was the restaurant thinking?

pictish · 05/02/2022 08:23

@ladyflower23

I haven't been this invested in a thread for ages. It's really helping take my mind off WW3. Please keep us updated OP. It's your duty.
Looool. Grin
Noshowlomo · 05/02/2022 08:25

So because of her the venue changed, the meal been ruining and changed, and the atmosphere has been ruined. It’s all her doing. Shut that shit down asap. Why on earth wouldn’t you tell her she’s not invited to your hen.. you just say her behaviour has been awful and you’re all worried she’ll ruin the hen like she’s tried to ruin the stag.

user1471517095 · 05/02/2022 08:29

I like the way posters now know it's because he's cheated on her. And he's going to admit it in the man chat in Monday. Perhaps he just might be asking for advise, say, on how how to ask for help because he is in a controlling relationship.

Spotsandstars · 05/02/2022 08:31

How could ANYONE in their right mind think this was normal or acceptable behaviour?
This is so far from ok, my eyes are bleeding from what I’ve just read 😂

drpet49 · 05/02/2022 08:35

* Shut that shit down asap. Why on earth wouldn’t you tell her she’s not invited to your hen.. you just say her behaviour has been awful and you’re all worried she’ll ruin the hen like she’s tried to ruin the stag.*

^This. She will kick off at you then party and without a doubt she will at your wedding too.

RedHelenB · 05/02/2022 08:35

@Suzi888

She wants to take a baby to a stag do? Hmm She clearly doesn’t trust her partner in my opinion…. I can’t think of anything worse than attending a stag do and taking a baby with me (plain weird).

Someone needs to be removed from the group chat OR set up another chat.

Exactly, just set up another chat and make the arrangements the bridegroom to be wants to make.
pictish · 05/02/2022 08:40

I reckon he’ll apologise, be embarrassed, pin it on her anxiety and talk about how stressful it all was.

ZenNudist · 05/02/2022 08:47

You'd better tell her she can't come to the hen or you'll find out your day time activity is a trip to a petting farm and the evening entertainment moved to her mums house so she can be on hand whilst granny babysit!

Toanewstart23 · 05/02/2022 08:50

This honestly and truly sounds like the kind of drama I experienced in sixth form

We’d all grown out of it by time we left sixth for uni / work.

It would seem the OP, her partner and this group…. Didn’t

5foot5 · 05/02/2022 08:57

[quote SoMuch2Say]@Mizanined can we please please have an update after the video man chat on Monday!?

He could be planning an escape[/quote]
I am as invested in this thread as anyone but I wouldn't hold your breath for an update after the man chat.

It isn't that I doubt anything the OP has said. However if there is an explanation for her behaviour, e.g. mental health issues, he has cheated, he is in an abusive relationship, then it would probably be wrong of the OP to share it

3luckystars · 05/02/2022 08:57

As if following him to a stag night will stop him cheating. She is just embarrassing herself. Poor girl.

TallulahHula · 05/02/2022 09:02

This has been some entertaining Saturday morning reading. I can't believe that people think it's actually ok to behave like this! What a spoilt entitled woman. And why would she think she's still invited to your hen if she's blocked you? Bonkers.

On a serious note it does sound like G is being very controlled. If she's made it this difficult and embarrassing for him to attend his friends stag do then think what his day to day life must be like. Maybe he needs a bit of support?

Iamnotamermaid · 05/02/2022 09:03

@Pedalpushers

She needs to be told directly - these sorts of people don't respond to hinting. I would message back to the chat saying B, it's a stag weekend for the men and it's not your place to be inviting people to go along (including yourself) this isn't the stag DP wants and you need to stop spoiling it for them.
This 100% ^

B needs to gain some understanding she has overstepped the mark here so don't meet up. You are busy and leaving DP to have a great stag weekend with his pals.

Guess it is too late for the stag move location on the quiet if B is intent on staying in this annex?

SpiceRat · 05/02/2022 09:03

If B had already gone fully into the deep end and changing your bookings I would get your bridesmaids to ring all the other books (if any) to get a code or a note put on the booking so if anyone else tries to change bookings they can’f without a code / or ringing bridesmaid to check.

I would uninvite her tbh, she is going to be a massive pain and it sounds like she’s bringing the kid too so that’ll be fun 😂

Whitegrenache · 05/02/2022 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

3luckystars · 05/02/2022 09:06

I also wanted to say that your husband’s group do sound very nice, they were really being kind and understanding towards her until she went completely over the top. They were a lot more accommodating than most stag groups would have been.

I am really looking forward to this stag party now.

curiousannie · 05/02/2022 09:16

Looks like it's going to be worked and thankfully you have supportive and reasonable 'best people'.

I think I would probably message the woman myself on behalf of DP and say that it's not fair to go as it drastically changes the type of event.

Not because I love getting involved in drama, but because she sounds like the type that would have a hissy fit if a man dared stand up to her. And I would do it to protect DPs stag do.

Not really any loss if she pulls out of the hen.

CoraPirbright · 05/02/2022 09:22

Utterly bonkers and disgraceful behaviour!

If G is such a nice guy, its a bit of a shame he managed to get himself tied to such a loon. I have many charming, intelligent single girlfriends who wouldn’t stoop to such bat-shittery under any circumstances! Poor guy!

Justilou1 · 05/02/2022 09:46

Her “anxiety” excuse may very well be genuine, but it’s made her an arsehole who is using it to control everyone around her. She doesn’t give a shit about anyone else’s boundaries. It hasn’t occurred to her that anyone even has any at all. She’s just going ahead and changing people’s plans like that??? Not normal. In the real world, we call these people megalomaniacs.