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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
Mayorquimby2 · 05/02/2022 00:06

G's not coming to any of it

NorthSouthcatlady · 05/02/2022 00:10

@justasking111yep, l think she has. Can someone come to retrieve her, the batshittery is getting on my nerves

7eleven · 05/02/2022 00:11

Sorry if this has already been said but he think they need to change the accommodation and not tell her.

7eleven · 05/02/2022 00:13

@Mayorquimby2

G's not coming to any of it
Bloody shame but probably just as well. I hood you tell where to go regarding the hen.
7eleven · 05/02/2022 00:13

*hope

cakewench · 05/02/2022 00:21

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs
Bless your heart. Do you think any shite we talk about here is going to have any effect on whether or not war breaks out? Shall we all just stop and wring our hands indefinitely?
RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 05/02/2022 00:40

Forget @MollyPea - they’re clearly just on a wind up.

Mamanyt · 05/02/2022 01:07

A short, clear message. "This is a stag. NO wives/gfs will be in attendance. I am sorry if this is a problem for you. Should you be unable to attend, you will be missed. Should you be unable to take part in the wedding, please advise ASAP."

LovedayCL · 05/02/2022 01:16

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs
Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs.
Starlightstarbright1 · 05/02/2022 01:31

Gosh.. i hope this isn't picked up by the papers before Monday.

Anotheronestatisticssuck · 05/02/2022 02:17

What a horrendous situation :( she sounds extremely determined
It sounds like she's gone too far now though and everyone is on your side thank goodness

beenwhereyouare · 05/02/2022 03:17

Unbelievably rude and overbearing behavior from B. How embarrassing for poor G.

I'm sorry if I missed it, but could you explain why 2 of the other girlfriends going to the meal? I think that's inappropriate as well, and may have contributed to B's controlling behaviour.

Wiredforsound · 05/02/2022 04:59

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs
Then go and chat on a WW3 post if you’d rather talk about that 🙄
Stonerosie67 · 05/02/2022 05:06

beenwhereyouare because they're not girlfriends, they're friends of the stag so it's totally appropriate that they're there.

No excuse at all for for B, she's absolutely out of order and I seriously think G should get out of the relationship, it's not healthy and will only get worse.

PrincessNutella · 05/02/2022 05:27

His stag party will be completely ruined with those ladies present1

3luckystars · 05/02/2022 05:29

She has lost the plot.
Obviously G won’t be allowed go to the stag now.
Hopefully they rearrange and all talk of this couple won’t eat into the night too much.
I hope now that she has revealed the true scale of her behaviour, the other men talk to this poor man and help him to either get help for her, or get out of the relationship.

Regarding your hen, take no shit from her. Seriously. I would delete her from the group actually after the trouble she has caused. Please let us know how it all goes, and good luck!

Tlollj · 05/02/2022 05:58

Love this thread. Can’t wait for the hen night.

Zonder · 05/02/2022 06:01

@PrincessNutella

His stag party will be completely ruined with those ladies present1
Those ladies? I'm assuming you don't mean the women who are his friends who he invited? Just B, right?
garlictwist · 05/02/2022 06:19

My mate did this. One of the men'a stag dos was a cycling trip in Scotland. She turned up at Glasgow station with her other half and said she was coming too as she had time off work and she was friends with everyone.

My other half who was on the stag do sais it was really awkward. It massively changed the dynamic, she couldn't keep up on the bike so she and her boyfriend had to just cycle on their own for the whole time.

I thought it was so brazen.

pictish · 05/02/2022 07:02

@garlictwist

My mate did this. One of the men'a stag dos was a cycling trip in Scotland. She turned up at Glasgow station with her other half and said she was coming too as she had time off work and she was friends with everyone.

My other half who was on the stag do sais it was really awkward. It massively changed the dynamic, she couldn't keep up on the bike so she and her boyfriend had to just cycle on their own for the whole time.

I thought it was so brazen.

Oh dear.
IncompleteSenten · 05/02/2022 07:18

She's going to show up at the house.

T h I think the only way to stop this is to invite G

IncompleteSenten · 05/02/2022 07:19

Tbh
Uninvite

KatyRebecca84 · 05/02/2022 07:39

Wow I’d be fuming If someone did this to my DH. That isn’t a stag if she’s tagging along. How is she not embarrassed? She surely could stay at home for a weekend, her baby isn’t new born! Your husband to be needs to talk to the husband involved and say this isn’t fair and not much fun for them!

daretodenim · 05/02/2022 07:39

So she's blocked you but thinks she's welcome to the hen? Only someone who would change the time of a stag's dinner to include her and her kid would do that.

I think you may need to change details of the hen...either actually change them or have the hens "update" the group about details.

Was she going to bring toddler on the hen?!

MrsTrumpton · 05/02/2022 07:44

Wow. I get the woman has had a horrible experience in the past that's left her with trust issues but that is some bat-shit crazy behaviour. Who calls a restaurant to rearrange someone's stag night dinner to accommodate them and a baby?! I get other female friends are invited, but the groom's still a stag night!

Then again, maybe G has a revelation to drop during his 'man chat' on Monday about why she's behaving like she is. You say he's the kind of man who just wouldn't cheat, OP, but many wives say that about their partner until it happens. What if he has cheated, that's what made her insist on moving for a fresh start, and that's what's driving her behaviour now?

I'm not saying it excuses how she's acting, but it would explain it a bit.