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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
appleturnovers · 04/02/2022 23:01

Wait, her in-laws live 10 minutes away but she still felt the need to book the annex?? How desperate...

lisaandalan · 04/02/2022 23:03

She's a control freak and doesn't want him to do stuff without her, she will probably get worse. X

MichelleScarn · 04/02/2022 23:03

@SecretKeeper1 absolutely....
What's your best Anderson shelter flooring?
Aibu MIL wants to have matching family gas masks....

Hankunamatata · 04/02/2022 23:09

Time to invite her from hen.

UniversalAunt · 04/02/2022 23:10

Oh my, isn’t B the absolute disrupter!

Well done, the BMs for putting their collective foot down & sorting AB’s remorseless creep over what are fun events each for you & your fella.

Should you uninvited B to your hen?
Depends if you wish to be Forever Friends with G & B.
If you do, then your BestWoman (?) may need to have an honest conversation with B laying out what is & is not acceptable as a hen.

Are you saying that B cancelled or meddled with the restaurant booking?
If so,m then be wary as she is vengeful if she does not get her way or perceives a slight. Bit of a red flag…

Start as you mean to go with B because her attitude & behaviours are way out of order already.

WTGN · 04/02/2022 23:10

🐰

Hankunamatata · 04/02/2022 23:13

Not invite UNinvite

overnightangel · 04/02/2022 23:16

Utterly mad

VivX · 04/02/2022 23:16

Well, that's a first... never heard of someone's girlfriend inviting herself plus toddler along to a stag weekend.

Hope you manage to have a toddler-free stag and hen... (while also avoiding imminent outbreak WW3)
Perhaps suggest mad gf builds Anderson shelter as a diversionary/displacement activity?

AdviceOnLife · 04/02/2022 23:18

So B has you blocked, is not happy about the drama and is still intending to go to your hen do thinking she is happily welcome 😂😂
She really does have some nerve.

As for the restaurant they should have checked with the original person who booked before amanding anything.

TokyoTen · 04/02/2022 23:20

YANBU but my guess is that he's cheated in the past. You can spot them at work too - the wives come with them because "it's lovely to have a little trip" but actually for very different reasons!

Zonder · 04/02/2022 23:21

She's insane!

ChampagneLassie · 04/02/2022 23:27

I'm going to share a phrase I picked up on MN which I love, "not your circus, not your monkeys". Men don't like micro management - from her or you, I'd say well away from this. Furthermore her odd behaviour is going to make all the other WAGS look much better so their OHs will happily look after sprogs for your hen do, pleased they're not married to the nutter

sanbeiji · 04/02/2022 23:32

Create a NEW gem party group chat without the idiot woman and go to a different restaurant without telling her. Easy. Simple.

Don’t stress at least everyone is on your side!

Hugoslavia · 04/02/2022 23:32

She really sounds very insecure/lacking in confidence if she feels like she can't hope with a toddler for one night. The whole thing is weird. Her calling up the restaurant to change the times is pretty unforgivable, unless a huge misunderstanding.

sanbeiji · 04/02/2022 23:32

Also restaurant are idiots

Tabitha888 · 04/02/2022 23:33

This women is bonkers! Why is everyone letting her be like this! This can't be real 😂

RampantIvy · 04/02/2022 23:33

This is bonkers guestzilla.
Unbelievable!

Mayorquimby2 · 04/02/2022 23:37

Absolute cunts trick from the pair of them.

The best man should be calling a halt to this on behalf of the group.

Tbf I can't believe they've let it get this far

justasking111 · 04/02/2022 23:44

She's going to turn up to the wedding in a long white dress, her hair will be up with a garland of white roses in it. She'll have booked a romantic getaway for G and her at your honeymoon destination leap out of your en suite bathroom in the honeymoon suite shouting SURPRISE SURPRISE .

Ponoka7 · 04/02/2022 23:45

I'm thinking the 'man chat' is similar to 'man to man' talk. He's cheated and/or had a thing once upon a time with one of the female friends who are going.
Your DP has been very let down by his BM. It shouldn't have been moved and it should never have gone as far as it did.

Mydogmylife · 04/02/2022 23:45

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs
Oh ffs!
Tabitha888 · 04/02/2022 23:59

@justasking111

She's going to turn up to the wedding in a long white dress, her hair will be up with a garland of white roses in it. She'll have booked a romantic getaway for G and her at your honeymoon destination leap out of your en suite bathroom in the honeymoon suite shouting SURPRISE SURPRISE .
Omg I laughed so hard at this comment!!!! 😂😂😂
Iwonderifiwonderwhy · 05/02/2022 00:01

G wasn’t allowed to go to a stag weekend unless the accommodation was moved so that his gf and baby could come too? Sounds like G is in a very controlling unhealthy relationship, I can see why he hasn’t seen his mates in 2 years 🤨

That is now not a stag weekend, but a weird group stay in your fiancé’s home town. B has cancelled your fiancé’s stag. Yes I’d be pissed off! But I don’t know what the bride can do, except tell the best men to tell her she is ruining the event and to back off.

Suggest the current event be cancelled and something else be booked and if G can’t come he can’t come 🤷‍♀️

justasking111 · 05/02/2022 00:04

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs
You've escaped from the covid board haven't you 😂😂
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