AIBU about changes to DPs stag

[Mizanined]

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

• The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
• The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
• The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
• Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

I would make sure that no one tells G the location and time for the new restaurant booking. You know she will try and gatecrash. They can tell him when they are travelling to it, and not a minute before, so that she can't force it out of him.

It is totally weird. I was going to say it is also totally not your problem and a good start to married life
Is to not jump in and try and sort every problem for your dp, but she is a bit bonkers. I’d send a message to crazy lady (can’t remember code letters) via someone else saying As a general life rule everyone should have, no one who has blocked the bride on social media is also coming on their hens night. She wants a relaxed fun weekend not drama and just blocking someone who’s done nothing to you is pure drama. If you can’t communicate with her before Tuesday dont bother turning up, because why would you want to?

Then I guess on gs behalf if she unblocks you she can come sorry! Perhaps someone make it clear to her that bookings will not change, babies may not suddenly be added to the group and if there is some ‘emergency’ with baby/toddler then their mum will naturally have to cancel, not suddenly ‘have’ to bring a toddler along.

This woman sounds like a twat tbh. Imagine forcing yourself and your toddler into a stag weekend and then changing all the plans to suit yourself. Bloody cheeky. Feel bad for her partner as he is stuck in the middle. Honestly if I were you I would disinvite her from your hen do, she's already blocked you so take it as a sign she no longer wants to be involved, what a shame

How/why are you not just uninviting the pair of them...

This is nuts...

She doesn't trust her partner so has gatecrashed to make sure he behaves. I think it's cringe behaviour and very embarrassing for her partner.

I went on my friends hen about 30 years ago, my then boyfriend dressed up as a woman and tried to gatecrash the night, thankfully the bouncers wouldn't let him in the club. I would have been mortified!

This woman is abusive and possibly dangerous. Women are perfectly capable of being entitled, empathy-free abusive partners and that is the case here. (The person I am most concerned about is the kid - abusers like B frequently use their DC as weapons and sometimes this includes hurting or endangering DC in order for the abuser to get their own way).

It sounds like this G is a wuss gentle soul who doesn't like conflict; maybe the whole of the social group is similar. Abusers of this type generally seek out people who won't stand up to them, and rely on most people's tendency to 'not want a fuss'.

I'm sorry, OP. I think you will have to uninvite the wretched woman from your hen and your wedding and contact all venues/contractors to password protect your arrangements, as well. Because she's going to go all out to create more drama from now on.

OP, you keep saying G doesn’t look like someone who would cheat. I don’t think all cheaters have a certain look, do they?

ScrumptiousBears which joints have been hurting? I've only had head and neck pain along with 5 days of wind!

@Wreath21

This woman is abusive and possibly dangerous. Women are perfectly capable of being entitled, empathy-free abusive partners and that is the case here. (The person I am most concerned about is the kid - abusers like B frequently use their DC as weapons and sometimes this includes hurting or endangering DC in order for the abuser to get their own way).

It sounds like this G is a wuss gentle soul who doesn't like conflict; maybe the whole of the social group is similar. Abusers of this type generally seek out people who won't stand up to them, and rely on most people's tendency to 'not want a fuss'.

I'm sorry, OP. I think you will have to uninvite the wretched woman from your hen and your wedding and contact all venues/contractors to password protect your arrangements, as well. Because she's going to go all out to create more drama from now on.

While I totally agree that she is abusive, I rather think that you have over thought this......hurting her own child? Dangerous? Determined to wreck the OP's wedding?

She clearly has jealousy issues, but there is nothing in the OP to suggest that she is a threat to anyone but her partner, and that doesnt appear to be physical.

He needs help to escape yes. But he shouldnt be sleeping with the baby in his arms and knife in his hand

Oh and to use the word "wuss" to describe a victim of abuse is despicable.

She sounds abusive as fuck.

@Nikkic2123

Concluding part on Monday night after said “man chat”?

I have a feeling it will be a big explanation about MH issues.

I don't understand why any of you entertained her in the first place. Right at the start someone should have put her in her place. Someone who blocked me would not be attending any event of mine. Wait for the stag to be over and uninvite her yourself.

This is better than Emmerdale!
She's batshit

@PyongyangKipperbang

Oh and to use the word "wuss" to describe a victim of abuse is despicable.

Absolutely agree, but there's still that ridiculous aspect of female to male 'hilarity' some see.

Completely agree Pyongyang.

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs

You should probably just stay off mumsnet.

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs

Is it?

Obviously no one stood gossiping over their garden fence in August 1939!

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs

And you're been judgy on mn rather than battening down the hatches?!!

I love this thread. And I love the old thread about the mad woman turning up with her partner and four year old.

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs

And yet, here you are…

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs

Exactly why we need this thread

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs

shouldn't you be building an Anderson shelter rather than indulging in idle chatter?

@MollyPea

Jesus Christ, WW3 is on the horizon and you’re whining on a public forum about this riveting state of affairs

You’re right. You should ask MNHQ to ban all general chat and only have war related threads until WW3 is over.