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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 04/02/2022 21:46

So glad it has been resolved.

And although people have been laughing at the utter craziness of it all, I completely understand how incredibly stressful and upsetting this is.

You are all doing the right thing

Mia184 · 04/02/2022 21:48

BM2 phoned the restaurant who said “a woman” had phoned to amend the booking – annoyingly they are now fully booked at 8pm but just means they need to find a new restaurant which isn’t a big deal

This is probably good because I can image B just popping over for dinner since she is nearby.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 21:50

Did she offer any explanation as to why she felt she should be involved in someone else's stag do at all?

I just cant imagine the thought process. Why did she think she should be allowed at a stag do for someone who isnt actually her friend, but just the friend of her partner. Nothing to do with her in this context.

MerryMarigold · 04/02/2022 21:51

This is probably good because I can image B just popping over for dinner since she is nearby.

She doesn't need to. She has the address of where they're staying. She can just pop over there instead!

Whatinthelord · 04/02/2022 21:51

Is she going to pull shit like this on the actual wedding?
……….

AlternativelyWired · 04/02/2022 21:54

I hope G has the ability to leave B. Or B to leave G. No one knows what the relationship is like behind closed doors. Yes B is batshit but maybe she has good reason. The friends of most cheaters always seem to think they are good guys and never believe they'd cheat. I'm not disputing that B is off the planet whacko but I'd be surprised it there's no reason behind it. Either way they shouldn't be together with trust issues this extreme. That poor toddler.

OnaBegonia · 04/02/2022 21:58

@Hockeyboysmum
Be interesting looking back at baby photos....look this the time you went to a stag do
🤣🤣🤣

Walkingalot · 04/02/2022 22:00

Time to wake up and smell the coffee. She is unhinged. Do not make excuses for her, at all. This is the most important time of your life. How dare she fuck it up with her fuckery. Whatever her issues, she needs to keep out of it. Not her party.

Staffy1 · 04/02/2022 22:00

Is G really worth all this, even if he is a nice guy? They should have another stag do a week later without him and his nutter.

MichaelAndEagle · 04/02/2022 22:01

@Itsalmostanaccessory

Did she offer any explanation as to why she felt she should be involved in someone else's stag do at all?

I just cant imagine the thought process. Why did she think she should be allowed at a stag do for someone who isnt actually her friend, but just the friend of her partner. Nothing to do with her in this context.

You know how it goes....

I don't understand why you wouldn't want me there if you haven't got anything to hide. Where's the harm...? Don't you like spending time with me....? But there are other women going.... is that it? You fancy one of them dont you...? If you don't want me there then it's over..... tell them you're not going if I'm not welcome....

Tiring.

cadburyegg · 04/02/2022 22:02

YANBU. Bloody weird. Apart from anything else, bringing a toddler along completely changes the dynamic

pictish · 04/02/2022 22:03

Right well. That’s it sorted then. What a bloody palaver. Have nothing more to do with it now.
B has some issues to work through, that’s for sure.

Nikkic2123 · 04/02/2022 22:03

Concluding part on Monday night after said “man chat”?

Ginger1982 · 04/02/2022 22:04

@UneFoisAuChalet

Someone needs to tell her to back off. No more politeness- just a straight up fuck off this isn’t about you.

However, I feel sorry for her. I have a friend who is similarly insecure and controlling of her partner and every occasion, every moment where he is not where she wants him to be (work or home) is a fraught and stressful time for her. I can’t imagine living my life worrying about everything my partner says or does when I’m not around. It sounds so tiring and depressing and despite all the efforts the guy usually leaves.

You wouldn't say that if it was a man.
pictish · 04/02/2022 22:04

@Nikkic2123

Concluding part on Monday night after said “man chat”?
Oh yes please.
MsSquiz · 04/02/2022 22:04

So she wants nothing to do with any of the men, but still expects to go on the hen do with all of their partners after causing all of this hassle?!

She's deranged!

I would wait until have the stag and then uninvite her from the hen do and wedding. There's no way I would trust her at my wedding after the way she has behaved

JammyRascal · 04/02/2022 22:05

This is the most bonkers thread ever!!!

To begin with I was a bit like of ffs the best men really fudged it on this one not being firm, but sounds like they've come up trumps telling her to wise up in the end.

Poor G has had an earful of it all I'm sure. Feeling very sorry for him.

I genuinely cannot for the life of me think why she thought all of this would be ok!!!!

Also, she's 100% turning up on the day isn't she!!

Figgygal · 04/02/2022 22:05

Why has the crazy cow blocked you? What have you done?
Id not let the table booking being changed go unchallenged what a fucking liberty

pictish · 04/02/2022 22:07

When I said, “Have nothing more to do with it now.”, I obviously meant EXCEPT updating us on the man chat. Grin

I just mean, keep a humble silence yourself. It’s their problem to deal with and it has been. Great.

DamnUserName21 · 04/02/2022 22:08

Let them sort it and don't sweat it yourself. Your 'poor' DP and his crew will be fine.

SoMuch2Say · 04/02/2022 22:08

@Mizanined can we please please have an update after the video man chat on Monday!?

He could be planning an escape

AllyBama · 04/02/2022 22:08

If she’s blocked you and caused all this faff, I would definitely be waiting until after the boys stag and then uninviting her from the hen. You don’t need that drama. Yeah it’s probably going to cause some tension with G and your DP but she’s made her choices and these are the consequences. As to whether she comes to the wedding, that’s a conversation for you and DP.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 04/02/2022 22:10

She sounds batshit but I am enjoying the updates and I’m fully invested now so keep posting.

Wonder what is going to go on in that video call!!

Dibbydoos · 04/02/2022 22:11

I don't know her, but could she be feeling a little anxious being alone?

I think she needs to but out and let them do their boys things. Why isn't her partner telling her to but out? Could you meet up with her to prevent a catastrophe. I'd do that for my partner.

Try to be a little charitable here, she sounds needy hence my worry she's anxious....

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2022 22:13

I dont think she will pull crazy shit at the wedding, she will know where he is after all. And I dont think she will at the hen either as she has probably organised for him to be babysat by the inlaws under the guise of them "helping".

It shocks me that a woman being this controlling isnt being termed as abuse on here, a man doing this would lead to "get to a refuge" not "wow she is batshit...uninvite her from your hen night".

If a husband rang the venue of a hen night his wife was attending to change the time and book in him and his kid there would be fucking uproar and rightly so! She isnt mad or "cray cray" or batshit......she is full on abuser and her partner needs help to a) understand that he is being abused and b) leave