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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
BadHairDayExpert · 04/02/2022 20:43

You - in group chat - now...

''I AM NOT GATECRASHING MY PARTNER' S STAG, THAT WOULD BE MENTAL AND NOR SHOULD YOU BE''

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 20:43

@ScrumptiousBears

What? I always go to the same conclusion? What are you talking about?

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 04/02/2022 20:43

To be fair, sometimes people really do just need to strap on a pair…

AreWeThereYetMummy · 04/02/2022 20:43

That sounds totally crazy. He can't stand up to the girlfriend then your DH to be may well have a better weekend without him sadly.

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 20:44

I have now been removed from my hen chat lol. Also just went to text B to tell her to FOTTFSOFATFOSOM bur she appears to have blocked me on WhatsApp

OP posts:
insanemumof3 · 04/02/2022 20:44

Why have you been removed!

She knows she's doing some.crazy stuff!

RedRobin100 · 04/02/2022 20:45

What a weirdo!

Whatinthelord · 04/02/2022 20:45

@Mizanined

Ok 2 fairly bonkers things have just happened in quick succession:
  1. Text to DP from G saying basically sorry but i probably cant come
  1. Text to ME from BM2, saying the restaurant for the saturday have texted him - thanks for amending the booking, which they can now confirm has been moved to 5pm rather than the original 8pm, and confirming extra guest and extra high chair. BM2 asks do I know anything about this?

Sorry if this makes no sense but FUCKING HELL

WhAt the absolute fuck.

At this point I think I’d be calling her and having words. I’d rebook the original time and set a password with the restaurant then call her and tell her she isn’t invited.

She obvious needs very clear boundaries and the little pandering to her has encouraged her further…..give an inch, take a mile type scenario.

If I were BM I’d tell her she’s not being involved in any of the stag events and tell her bf if that’s an issue the he will need to deal with it.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 20:45

Who removed you from the hen chat? Could she have done that? (I'm crap at whatsapp so dont know!)

If she has blocked you though then something is afoot. She must be getting put in her place by the best men.

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 20:45

Why do you both let other people make decisions in your lives.. remove you from groups about your own business? It's so weird.
It's like you're both bystanders watching others control your business...

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 04/02/2022 20:46

@Mizanined

I have now been removed from my hen chat lol. Also just went to text B to tell her to FOTTFSOFATFOSOM bur she appears to have blocked me on WhatsApp
Confused

You’ve gone from zero to ‘fuck off to the far side of fuck’…?

Really?

You don’t think there was a swathe of middle ground, while she was moving venues and changing reservations … ?

Confused
ProudThrilledHappy · 04/02/2022 20:46

Obviously we will need you to get a running commentary from your bridesmaids

Whatinthelord · 04/02/2022 20:46

@Mizanined

I have now been removed from my hen chat lol. Also just went to text B to tell her to FOTTFSOFATFOSOM bur she appears to have blocked me on WhatsApp
Who has removed you. Presumably your MOH as they worried it’ll be stressful.

Just uninvited the, both. Easy….this is ridiculous.

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 20:46

Call G tell him to put her on the phone.

Or send G a voice clip of what you want her to hear.

Or have your husband call/text her from his phone.

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 20:47

One of my bridesmaids (and hen chat admin) is BM1s gf so I imagine same thing, they want to shield me from whatever fuckery is going on!! Which is exactly the sort of thing they would both do

OP posts:
Lazydaisydaydream · 04/02/2022 20:48

Who removed you from the chat? This is so bizarre. Sounds like she has some serious mental health issues and that’s why her husband can’t be away from her for the weekend? They need to stay away from the stag and hen though!

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 20:48

Very weird to "shield " and decide what another adult should and shouldn't see....without being asked to.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 20:49

Can you ask them to let you back in just because you dont want to miss anything entertaining? If you promise not to get stressed out!

Whatinthelord · 04/02/2022 20:49

@Mizanined

One of my bridesmaids (and hen chat admin) is BM1s gf so I imagine same thing, they want to shield me from whatever fuckery is going on!! Which is exactly the sort of thing they would both do
Bet every single bridesmaid is glued to the chats waiting for new messages.
Babysharkdoodoodood · 04/02/2022 20:49

Just make a new hen chat with only your friends and yourself as the only administrator.

Stonerosie67 · 04/02/2022 20:50

I'd be demanding to be let back on so I knew what was going on next ...!!

Boatingforthestars · 04/02/2022 20:50

This is a troll isn't it, far to intresting to be real

ScrumptiousBears · 04/02/2022 20:50

Clearly shits happening. You can't both be in the dark. Someone should let you and DP know. I think I'd be stressing more not knowing what happening.

BadHairDayExpert · 04/02/2022 20:50
  1. Tell DH to text his friend - no worries, mate, do what you have to do
  2. Ring the restaurant to reinstate original time and tell groomsman 2
3.Uninvite StagCrasher from your hen do

Sorted Smile

Crimeismymiddlename · 04/02/2022 20:51

It seems that the girlfriend is having the mother of all tantrums. You have been kicked of the group chat because she was probably being a dick.
Or she saw this thread!