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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
Ohdoleavemealone · 04/02/2022 20:51

I think Id sacrifice G for the health of the rest of the stag!

5foot5 · 04/02/2022 20:52

@Mizanined

Ok 2 fairly bonkers things have just happened in quick succession:
  1. Text to DP from G saying basically sorry but i probably cant come
  1. Text to ME from BM2, saying the restaurant for the saturday have texted him - thanks for amending the booking, which they can now confirm has been moved to 5pm rather than the original 8pm, and confirming extra guest and extra high chair. BM2 asks do I know anything about this?

Sorry if this makes no sense but FUCKING HELL

Wow. So has B actually taken it on herself to go over the heads of the BM to change the meal to suit herself? She takes the prize for CFerry. Has the woman no social awareness or is she just supremely selfish? Whoever heard of a baby in a high chair at a stag do.

These plans need stamping on now

StrychnineIntheSandwiches · 04/02/2022 20:53

Yeah, set G free and let him deal with B.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 04/02/2022 20:53

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

I’m having my doubts on this one now….

But while name-changing will allow you to go on to post anonymously on MN, if anyone involved is on here, they will all know exactly who you are, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

RevolutionRadio · 04/02/2022 20:54

If deposits arent too much to lose and People haven't made travel bookings yet, I would reorganise without B and G involved and then try meet with G some other time.

saltedcaramelanything · 04/02/2022 20:55

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

I’m having my doubts on this one now….

But while name-changing will allow you to go on to post anonymously on MN, if anyone involved is on here, they will all know exactly who you are, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think the point is that if recognised, they can't link to other posts by the OP which she might want to keep anonymous
Pirate009 · 04/02/2022 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 04/02/2022 20:56

I get that, but they’ll still recognise the OP and know she’s posting all about the situation at hand.

Raindancer411 · 04/02/2022 20:56

Oh my, I cannot believe what I am reading! I am so sorry this is happening, who does she think she is!?!?

SD1978 · 04/02/2022 20:57

Is the other accomodation locked in, the cottage?id go back to original plan, beach, as you wanted, and accept that G who is obviously controlled by his mariner may not be able to come. It's batshit that she is staying there, and if the accomodation can not be changed, under no circumstances should she be allowed to force her way into meals, etc.

Ilovecharliecat · 04/02/2022 20:58

This will be in the Daily Fail tomorrow 😳

Lovemylittlebear · 04/02/2022 20:58

Holy shit this is crazy!

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 20:59

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine

Yes, but that isnt the point of name changing. The point is that she knows they will recognise her. So she had name changed so they cannot advanced search her name and read all about other things she has posted.

Ewock · 04/02/2022 20:59

God that's true! Ahhh could be even more of a nightmare

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2022 21:01

Fuck that shit, tell your BM that Mumsnet needs updates!!!!

EmoIsntDead · 04/02/2022 21:03

@Pedalpushers

I'd actually message her myself, telling her that DP only gets one stag and wanted it to be boys only, and that it is cheeky of her to invite herself and then try to change all the plans to make her own personal holiday. Tell the whatsapp owner to kick her out, your poor DP must feel so awkward trying to keep people happy.
Normally I'd stay out of things like this but I actually agree with this. I'd let her know that she's ruining the stag that your DP is looking forward to and it's not appropriate for her to be tagging along with a baby when she wasn't invited.
TinyTickler · 04/02/2022 21:03

Well. This escalated quickly! She sounds unhinged.

Honeyroar · 04/02/2022 21:04

@StrychnineIntheSandwiches

Yeah, set G free and let him deal with B.
I imagine he’s incapable of dealing with her, or he’d never have let things get this far! I imagine he’s completely hen pecked and under the thumb!
TarpaulinEyes · 04/02/2022 21:04

Just have one thing to say:

StagZilla

insanemumof3 · 04/02/2022 21:05

I've become so emotionally invested in your partners stag do and I'm not mad about it 😂

Peachy66 · 04/02/2022 21:05

B has more front than Dolly Parton

EmoIsntDead · 04/02/2022 21:07

@BadHairDayExpert

1. Tell DH to text his friend - no worries, mate, do what you have to do
  1. Ring the restaurant to reinstate original time and tell groomsman 2
3.Uninvite StagCrasher from your hen do

Sorted Smile

  1. Uninvite StagCrasher from wedding
AlternativelyWired · 04/02/2022 21:08

I do hope StagZilla isn't invited to the wedding any more. If she will do this to a stag imagine what chaos she'd cause at the wedding.

anonanonanon123 · 04/02/2022 21:08

Wow this is absolutely mental. No way in hell would I do this to DP or he to me. I'm going on a hen weekend when my baby will be 5-6weeks old. I've considered DP and baby coming and staying somewhere nearby but I don't think I'll bother as don't want to be a pain dipping in and out all weekend, DP will just have to cope with baby for a night or two and if for some reason I don't feel able to leave them then I won't go. Also 18 months is hardly a baby

Ewock · 04/02/2022 21:09

Wow! Completely caught up now she has gone from plain weird to full out crazy! If I was the BM1 I would reinstate the correct time at the restaurant and put some sort of password on it so it can't be changed again.