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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about changes to DPs stag

654 replies

Mizanined · 04/02/2022 14:55

Name changed for this in case the people involved are on here! :D

So DPs stag do before our August wedding is planned for Easter, his two best men booked a dozen of them in an AirBnB at the seaside for a weekend, about an hour from where most of our group (bar one couple G and B) live and grew up.

About two years ago G moved away up to Newcastle to be with his gf B who is from there. Just after the booking was made B messaged the best men asking if the venue could be moved as seaside town was a long way for G to travel, and hard for him to get home from quickly if needed (they have an 18mo DS). DP wasn't really bothered as hes just looking forward to having everyone together in one place for the first time in ages, and is keen to just drink and play video games etc. As a group theyre not massively into big nights out etc so in the end the best men agreed to move it. However the only comparable accom. available was in the next town along from us, where the boys all went to college and where DP currently works.

In the last week B has started messaging our main group chat; it transpires her and the baby are also going to drive down and stay somewhere locally for the weekend. Bit weird but fine! One of the best men who lives in the stag town even offered her his house to stay in for free for the weekend (he lives alone).

B has now messaged the group saying she has booked a place for herself - essentially the annex of the place the boys are staying! It is seprarate to their cottage but sharing a driveway and possibly even an entrance! She has now somehow got herself added to the boys group chat and is heavily pushing to be involved in events, including asking if their meal on the Saturday can be moved forward so she and baby can come (which would involve moving the one big outdoor activity they have booked), and oh if I'm coming we may as well invite Mizaninded and all the other girls as well!

Understandably the best men are getting a bit pissed off. DP to his credit is trying to be nice and just saying its fine, why not just turn it into a big group holiday etc but this just doesnt sit right with me for a few reasons:

  • The moving the venue to be easier for G is bollox because its barely 40 minutes difference
  • The new cottage does look lovely BUT its only the next town over from our home - seaside town would at least have been somewhere new to explore, opportunity for pubs / eating out etc but now if they want a pub etc it will basically the local places DP goes to all the time so won't be particularly special for him - AND to cap it off the new cottage is literally in the shadow of DPs work so it won't exactly feel like a holiday!
  • The boys won't exactly be taking cocaine and partying with strippers etc but a gf and baby just through the wall will totally change the dynamic!
  • Now starting to feel guilty about my own hen, which is about 3 weeks later and involves a beach weekend in a foreign country. Most of the guys gfs / wives etc are coming to this and the guys are all sucking up plans to solo parent etc for that weekend without complaint.

I guess I'm just feeling gutted for DP that this event, which is supposed to be special for him, has basically been completely taken over and am also a bit pissed off with B. I know its nothing to do with me really but AIBU?

OP posts:
Vloggamammy · 04/02/2022 20:30

@Mizanined

Ok 2 fairly bonkers things have just happened in quick succession:
  1. Text to DP from G saying basically sorry but i probably cant come
  1. Text to ME from BM2, saying the restaurant for the saturday have texted him - thanks for amending the booking, which they can now confirm has been moved to 5pm rather than the original 8pm, and confirming extra guest and extra high chair. BM2 asks do I know anything about this?

Sorry if this makes no sense but FUCKING HELL

Whoah this bunny boiler has gone way too far. The stag party have changed everything to accommodate now G saying he can't come. She has also gone and changed the time of the restaurant booking to 5 pm ??? I'd say if G isnt going now they should book somewhere else entirely and let bunny boiler sort everything else out. What a nutter!
CatDogMonkeyPOW · 04/02/2022 20:31

Yeah definitely get him to call back and change it. And also maybe arrange with the restaurant that any changes must be confirmed with a call to a certain mobile number etc.

I feel sorry for G.

FanciedChange · 04/02/2022 20:32

I had to stay at my MIL's with the babies while my DH went to his best friend's stag do (meal, video games and stay over). So far fine.

Then the bride decided she didn't want to go to her parents, she wanted to stay at home so would be at most of her fiancé's "stag do". Then it turned out she went to the meal last minute too, so she was at every part of her DH's stag do. Can't say I wasn't annoyed as it sort of felt like they just didn't want me to come to a group meet up! It was also the first sign of what has turned out to be a very controlling (on both sides) marriage.

Anyway, I digress, B is being really weird and needs to be told no.

Limita · 04/02/2022 20:33

@Mizanined

Ok 2 fairly bonkers things have just happened in quick succession:
  1. Text to DP from G saying basically sorry but i probably cant come
  1. Text to ME from BM2, saying the restaurant for the saturday have texted him - thanks for amending the booking, which they can now confirm has been moved to 5pm rather than the original 8pm, and confirming extra guest and extra high chair. BM2 asks do I know anything about this?

Sorry if this makes no sense but FUCKING HELL

I would contact her myself and tell her plainly that she isn't invited to the stag do, and that she is absolutely bang out of order.

She seriously thinks it's normal to take a child to a stag do? How can anyone think this?

RusholmeRuffian · 04/02/2022 20:33

Christ, this is bonkers! Agree with previous posters that BM set the restaurant straight. I'd be uninviting her from everything immediately. She's batshit.

AlternativelyWired · 04/02/2022 20:34

Wow.

LoudSnoringDog · 04/02/2022 20:36

Honestly this is literal batshit

EnjoyingTheSilence · 04/02/2022 20:36

She is batshit crazy. Your poor dh and his stags!

youwouldthink · 04/02/2022 20:36

Jeez!!! Someone needs a straight talking to..

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 04/02/2022 20:37

@Mizanined

B is now posting in my Hen group chat asking who is free to meet up that weekend...
Why are you not responding to this message, OP - and making the situation quite clear?

This is your job.

You’re all being railroaded, and seemingly allowing it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ScrumptiousBears · 04/02/2022 20:37

Someone needs to call G and find out what is really going on. By the sounds of it he needs to grow some balls.

Someone needs to contact that restaurant and tell them no one involved in the party want to amend the booking and for them to honour the original booking.

Someone needs to tell B she's cannot control someone else's stag do and to wind her neck in.

5128gap · 04/02/2022 20:37

@MaChienEstUnDick

Christ on a bike, she moved the restaurant booking??

BM needs to call them right back and get it moved again. Grown men on a stag do sitting down to their tea at 5pm. Sakes.

Grown men on a stag do should be more than capable of sorting this out themselves. If not one of them has the gumption to fix this without OP and the hens help they should all be in high chairs themselves. OP I get you're concerned that the stag isn't nt spoiled, but they sound a right load of wet lettuces to let it get this far, so even if you sort it for them I wouldn't trust them not to get railroaded again. I'd concentrate on your hen and let them sort it.
DreamerSeven · 04/02/2022 20:37

Wow, this is unbelievable…..

saltedcaramelanything · 04/02/2022 20:37

This is actually batshit. But I am SO INVESTED

ProudThrilledHappy · 04/02/2022 20:38

Yes I think someone needs to be very blunt and firm with B now, and tell her this is inappropriate and she is no longer welcome to either hen or stag. She sounds deranged and I agree that G appears to be in a controlling relationship

insanemumof3 · 04/02/2022 20:38

I would be sorting this out ASAP. Your husband wants to look back at his stag with happy memories. Not this BS from a looney tune like B

Figgygal · 04/02/2022 20:39

@Mizanined

Ok 2 fairly bonkers things have just happened in quick succession:
  1. Text to DP from G saying basically sorry but i probably cant come
  1. Text to ME from BM2, saying the restaurant for the saturday have texted him - thanks for amending the booking, which they can now confirm has been moved to 5pm rather than the original 8pm, and confirming extra guest and extra high chair. BM2 asks do I know anything about this?

Sorry if this makes no sense but FUCKING HELL

WTF???
UneFoisAuChalet · 04/02/2022 20:39

Someone needs to tell her to back off. No more politeness- just a straight up fuck off this isn’t about you.

However, I feel sorry for her. I have a friend who is similarly insecure and controlling of her partner and every occasion, every moment where he is not where she wants him to be (work or home) is a fraught and stressful time for her. I can’t imagine living my life worrying about everything my partner says or does when I’m not around. It sounds so tiring and depressing and despite all the efforts the guy usually leaves.

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 20:39

Yea you or your husband will have to flat out txt or call her to say Sorry you're not invited to the mens stag.

Then cancelled that restaurant reservation and make a new one.

Its your husbands party. He has to say something or just accept her doing all of this .

NeverChange · 04/02/2022 20:39

This woman is seriously unhinged.
Firstly booking the annex but then altering the restaurant booking....like WTF?

I would be seriously worried for G. Can you imagine what is day to day life is like with this psycho? I genuinely think someone should let me know about the change she made to the booking. That man needs to escape.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/02/2022 20:39

@ScrumptiousBears

Would you tell a woman in an abusive and controlling relationship that she needs to grow some balls?
Because it sounds like G could be trapped in a controlling relationship and he has a child to think about. Saying that he needs to grow some balls is actually pretty nasty of you.

RestingPandaFace · 04/02/2022 20:41

To be honest I’d ask her outright in the hen group if she moved the booking, and if she did I would tell her to stop interfering with the stag and disinvite her from the hen do.

anotherbloodyyearofcovid · 04/02/2022 20:41

Totally agree with this. OP doesn't need to get involved with the stag, that's BM job.

No doubt OP will get similar shit to deal with from mad GF over the hen, that's if everyone is still talking to each other 🤣

Gardenfish · 04/02/2022 20:42

Is anyone else finding this thoroughly entertaining? What is she going to do next?

If they actually do stay at the cottage with the annexe and b in the annex, G is going to be made to stay with b in the annexe snd let out at pre-agreed intervals. BM 1&2 will have to keep asking permission for g to come out to play.

ScrumptiousBears · 04/02/2022 20:42

[quote Itsalmostanaccessory]@ScrumptiousBears

Would you tell a woman in an abusive and controlling relationship that she needs to grow some balls?
Because it sounds like G could be trapped in a controlling relationship and he has a child to think about. Saying that he needs to grow some balls is actually pretty nasty of you.[/quote]
You always go straight to the same conclusion there's an abused partner. She could just be batshit and he is taking the easy route.