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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be driven nuts by these shopping habits?

177 replies

pumpkinsquish1 · 04/02/2022 14:53

This is very much something I think my grandparents have passed on and it's slowly pushing me over the edge. My DM is ok financially but refuses to pay more money than she absolutely has to for anything.

She likes to get different things from different supermarkets. She doesn't drive and she spends her weekend going between Sainsbury's, Aldi, Asda, M & S and Tesco to do her full shop. This involves many bus trips.

I will happy take her by car to do her shopping but I can't cope with the multiple shops. She wanted a specific bar of chocolate and in Asda it was £1.50 and she refused to get it as 'its only £1 in Tesco'. She would rather check out, drive to Tesco (or get the bus if she was by herself) and go into another supermarket on the off chance they had it, to save 50p.

I'm finding it harder as she gets older to let her keep going out herself with her trolley bag. I get her an online delivery for heavier items but she seems to sort of revel in this hunter/gatherer role. During the pandemic when you were meant to limit outings she was constantly roaming different supermarkets and wasn't going to let a pandemic get in the way of 'I prefer Aldi brand of XYZ'.

Is this an age thing? Should I be more accommodating? She expects me to do it to and when she's rummaging in our fridge (!) tells me I've overspent by £2 by getting whatever from this one shop instead of shopping around.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 04/02/2022 17:44

@IDontLikeMondays88

Is it not just giving her something to do/ a reason to get out the house Just let her
"just let her" ?????? She's a grown up! how can the OP or anyone astop her?
SockFluffInTheBath · 04/02/2022 17:48

What happens if she buys chicken in the first shop? Does it spend all day on the bus before it gets into a fridge?

godmum56 · 04/02/2022 17:49

Why should it push you over the edge OP? I mean does she make you do it or expect to be driven around?

limitedperiodonly · 04/02/2022 17:50

@SockFluffInTheBath

What happens if she buys chicken in the first shop? Does it spend all day on the bus before it gets into a fridge?
Are you one of those people who say: "I don't trust chicken" like it's a double agent with a loaded gun?
SockFluffInTheBath · 04/02/2022 17:52

Are you one of those people who say: "I don't trust chicken" like it's a double agent with a loaded gun?

Grin

Not at all but if it’s been in a bag in the bus, visiting lots of shops, and 4-5hrs out of the fridge I’m not too sure that’s healthy. Bacteria multiply at astonishing rates at room temperature.

gamerchick · 04/02/2022 17:54

I'd be giving her a list me.

Everyone has a hobby. Sometimes it doesn't make sense to us but a hobby keeps people happy.

limitedperiodonly · 04/02/2022 17:54

Actually I've bought chickens I'd rather sit next to than some drivers.

godmum56 · 04/02/2022 17:55

@limitedperiodonly

It's also a hobby of mine to hit supermarkets at yellow sticker time. I don't need to, I just do it for the thrill. I am not 68 yet but it's my ambition to not only achieve that great age but surpass it by a number of years.
my best wishes! I am 68, hate supermarket shopping and buy everything online....my older siblings are the complete opposite....what is it with these young whippersanppers thinking they know how we should live our lives? Grin
limitedperiodonly · 04/02/2022 17:56

@SockFluffInTheBath I'll take my chances Wink

timestheyarechanging · 04/02/2022 18:11

My mum (75) is exactly the same. Supermarkets every day and all through lockdown too! Thankfully my dad doesn't mind driving her. I think it's bonkers though.

deerspotting · 04/02/2022 18:12

68 is not that old, don't offer lifts unless asked. My grandma is 88 and very capable and independent, still drives and gets her own shopping.

ApolloandDaphne · 04/02/2022 18:14

@Blossomtoes

Over 60's have a free bus pass

Not here they don’t. Free bus passes arrive at pension age, ie 66.

Free bus pass in Scotland at 60!
limitedperiodonly · 04/02/2022 18:15

@godmum56 I don't gamble, skydive or do speedballs but buying yellow sticker items is an adrenaline rush.

I still remember Waitrose circa 2016 when I bought four free range Duchy Of Cornwall chicken thighs reduced from £3.91 to 39p.

It made no sense. Even the man on the till went: "Eh?" But it was legitimate. He wasn't questioning me - I know he admired me. Maybe the person with the sticker gun was a rookie and didn't know how it worked - 20%, 40% and then 70%.

But Waitrose have a weird policy on reductions. They are incredibly mean and suddenly have a fire sale where a bag of parsnips is 5p. You just have to be there when the wheel stops. It's what makes it so exciting Wink.

lljkk · 04/02/2022 18:17

My colleague says his 31 yo son does this. I think he may actually keep a spreadsheet. Some ppl have too much time. DH used to do something similar, but then got annoyed with Lidl & we only have 2 supermarkets locally, thank goodness

limitedperiodonly · 04/02/2022 18:22

You get free travel on all public transport in London at 60 if you live in a London borough. My husband was ashamed at first but not now. It's fantastic. I bet they bloody stop it before I'm 60. Child bride, me Wink

Blossomtoes · 04/02/2022 18:35

@limitedperiodonly

You get free travel on all public transport in London at 60 if you live in a London borough. My husband was ashamed at first but not now. It's fantastic. I bet they bloody stop it before I'm 60. Child bride, me Wink
It is a bit absurd to give people who are working free travel, isn’t it? Or perhaps our council is just mean.
CandyLeBonBon · 04/02/2022 18:41

Stop martyring yourself op. She's 68, not 108, and perfectly capable of deciding whether she wants to brave the elements to do this. Step back and let her do her thing!

StopSkrikin · 04/02/2022 18:44

This is my mum too.

It's not so much about money with her, but if she sees a bargain she'll buy 3, but hers and dads (uneccessary IMO) preferences.

They'll only eat the frozen mushy peas from Farm Foods.

They'll only eat the breaded fish from Aldi.

They like the spring rolls from Asda.

Pork pies have to be from the market in the next town over.

Etc, etc.

They're both in their 80's and can barely see so can't drive. They have my sisters run ragged. I'm exempt from food shopping, my department is reading out letters, sorting utilities and insurance etc. I'm not sure who's got the worst deal 🤣

Anonymous48 · 04/02/2022 18:54

Your mother is 68 and still working. She is not very old and she is obviously still independent. So while I agree with you that it seems pretty ridiculous to go to different shops just to save a few pennies, particularly if she's not living in poverty, for her for whatever reason it's important. It's not hurting her or you, and she's going on the bus so it's not having an environmental impact. So, really, what does is matter?

If you are feeling guilty and feel that you need to offer her lifts, frankly that's your issue. You don't need to offer her lifts. It sounds like she's quite capable of getting herself around. If going to more than one supermarket becomes more of a hassle to her than it's worth, she'll stop. But, again, it's her decision and nothing to do with you.

Whatisthepointinthis · 04/02/2022 19:05

Ok it’s not age because I am a little bit like this too! (And I’m not near 68!).

I just hate paying “over the odds” for anything.

I wouldn’t bother for 10/20p but I would for 50p or £1.

I don’t know why I’m like it, I’m not badly off, but we were When I was a child so maybe it’s to do with that.

woodhill · 04/02/2022 19:07

@limitedperiodonly

You get free travel on all public transport in London at 60 if you live in a London borough. My husband was ashamed at first but not now. It's fantastic. I bet they bloody stop it before I'm 60. Child bride, me Wink
Yes, or put up the age
limitedperiodonly · 04/02/2022 19:20

It is a bit absurd to give people who are working free travel, isn't it? Or perhaps our council is just mean.

@Blossomtoes would you be terribly insulted if I passed on a tip I have learned?

Be thankful for small blessings. The prospect of free bus travel is a modest joy that keeps me going even though it might be dashed away.

I imagine there are many things in your life that I would not find at all important but that doesn't mean they do not bring you comfort in your own little way.

godmum56 · 04/02/2022 19:30

[quote limitedperiodonly]@godmum56 I don't gamble, skydive or do speedballs but buying yellow sticker items is an adrenaline rush.

I still remember Waitrose circa 2016 when I bought four free range Duchy Of Cornwall chicken thighs reduced from £3.91 to 39p.

It made no sense. Even the man on the till went: "Eh?" But it was legitimate. He wasn't questioning me - I know he admired me. Maybe the person with the sticker gun was a rookie and didn't know how it worked - 20%, 40% and then 70%.

But Waitrose have a weird policy on reductions. They are incredibly mean and suddenly have a fire sale where a bag of parsnips is 5p. You just have to be there when the wheel stops. It's what makes it so exciting Wink.[/quote]
I know someone, much younger than me who goes to waitrose late on christmas eve for the bargains. One year he phoned me absolutely SPEECHLESS because the various reduction calculations on his items, including a fresh turkey, plus the actual offers meant that the till came up that he had to pay a minus amount!! Till lady called the supervisor who looked at the receipt and did the calculations and agreed that yes they owed him money...a few quid not masses. Hes a well off bloke but he told me this was the highlight of his life!!

Blossomtoes · 04/02/2022 19:44

@limitedperiodonly

It is a bit absurd to give people who are working free travel, isn't it? Or perhaps our council is just mean.

@Blossomtoes would you be terribly insulted if I passed on a tip I have learned?

Be thankful for small blessings. The prospect of free bus travel is a modest joy that keeps me going even though it might be dashed away.

I imagine there are many things in your life that I would not find at all important but that doesn't mean they do not bring you comfort in your own little way.

Would you be terribly insulted if I pointed out that you’ve entirely missed the point I was making? Which is that there’s a disparity of six years between London and where I live. Hence our council being mean. ☺️
phoenixrosehere · 04/02/2022 19:46

I definitely did this when I was in uni living in a city. I don’t drive. I walked to different grocery stores (six within walking distance) because of sales and none of the stores had all I wanted. I still do it a bit now but it’s more of I’m going to pass it on my walk home anyway so why not have a look.

If she is not asking you to drive her then yabu. If she is expecting you to yanbu. Also, you could always not offer if it really bothers you. Your guilt is yours, not hers.

It's also a hobby of mine to hit supermarkets at yellow sticker time.

Love to go to my local M&S. I can make a nice meal for myself for about £3 with what they typically have under yellow ticket or pick up some cheap fruit or cheeses.