To be driven nuts by these shopping habits?

[pumpkinsquish1]

This is very much something I think my grandparents have passed on and it's slowly pushing me over the edge. My DM is ok financially but refuses to pay more money than she absolutely has to for anything.

She likes to get different things from different supermarkets. She doesn't drive and she spends her weekend going between Sainsbury's, Aldi, Asda, M & S and Tesco to do her full shop. This involves many bus trips.

I will happy take her by car to do her shopping but I can't cope with the multiple shops. She wanted a specific bar of chocolate and in Asda it was £1.50 and she refused to get it as 'its only £1 in Tesco'. She would rather check out, drive to Tesco (or get the bus if she was by herself) and go into another supermarket on the off chance they had it, to save 50p.

I'm finding it harder as she gets older to let her keep going out herself with her trolley bag. I get her an online delivery for heavier items but she seems to sort of revel in this hunter/gatherer role. During the pandemic when you were meant to limit outings she was constantly roaming different supermarkets and wasn't going to let a pandemic get in the way of 'I prefer Aldi brand of XYZ'.

Is this an age thing? Should I be more accommodating? She expects me to do it to and when she's rummaging in our fridge (!) tells me I've overspent by £2 by getting whatever from this one shop instead of shopping around.

Is it not just giving her something to do/ a reason to get out the house
Just let her

I thought when you said she was elderly and got the bus that she was about 88, too. Bit surprised that someone her age doesn't drive.

Anyway I wouldn't humour my mother if she did this. I would take her to one supermarket and one only (or two if they were together, which sometimes they are eg near us there are Tesco and M&S together and Lidl and Aldi opposite each other. Otherwise she could use her free bus pass - that's what they for!

My mother is much older than yours and drives herself.

@JuergenSchwarzwald

I thought when you said she was elderly and got the bus that she was about 88, too. Bit surprised that someone her age doesn't drive.

Anyway I wouldn't humour my mother if she did this. I would take her to one supermarket and one only (or two if they were together, which sometimes they are eg near us there are Tesco and M&S together and Lidl and Aldi opposite each other. Otherwise she could use her free bus pass - that's what they for!

My mother is much older than yours and drives herself.

She passed her test but always hated it so never got a car and has never driven in my lifetime.

Meh it keeps her happy and busy. I really wouldn't worry about it.

I think it's a generational thing. They grew up post war with an appreciation for the cost of things. Whilst your mum takes it to the extreme, I do think it wouldn't hurt most people's bank accounts to be a bit more mindful of costs.

this is making me feel old

If I need something specific, I might have a quick look online to see if it's on special offer anywhere - coffee, sometimes fresh soup if I can't be bothered to make it - the things that are generally available half price at one supermarket or another - but couldn't be bothered to faff about with different supermarkets to the extent mentioned by OP.

My mum is exactly the same. She will get two buses (free bus pass) to save 40p. I think it's a hobby for her. She is bored and lonely and it fills her day.

The older relative in my life is similar but its pubs she visits. I think I'd prefer her to be visiting many shops and saving a few pence than visiting pubs and drinking her way to an "early " ending. Shes 73 though and I wont say a thing. She can live how she wants to. None of my business. She did manage to quit smoking at age 71 so I guess she feels better.

Tell her I’m off to supermarket x ... she can shop and get what’s on offer then do the bus to save her 50p...

I think it's partly a time vs money thing. Busy working with young family - time is key (even when you're on a tight budget). Retired with more time and you can use that time to shop around.

However, there are some genuine differences. Asda stocks several of my prefered items (a particular deoderant, a type of bread, some olives breadsticks etc) and it has a pharmacy that sells cocodamol for dh's migraines. But I go there once, and buy stocks of the items I like cocodamol being the exception!

Also when my parents were alive they liked to chat to the shopkeeper in the small grocer, and the local fishmonger. But no way were they buying tinned tomatoes from the grocer - not at that price!

Elderly in this context is the equivalent of pregnant women in their 30s as being referred to as elderly mothers.

Let her do her thing, there's not much you can do about it anyway. But you don't need to take her to more than one shop, if you're going to help, it's on your terms. Just refuse to take her to more than one shop.

She's 68 so technically she is elderly

Really? I suspect she might disagree with you.

Jesus, just leave your mother alone and stop patronising her. She's a competent working adult who gets herself around and the way she shops is up to her. There is literally no problem and no need for you to insert yourself in the situation.

Over 60's have a free bus pass

Not here they don’t. Free bus passes arrive at pension age, ie 66.

Sound a lot like my grandmother. Shopping was as much about the social occasion than the actual purchases. If she can do it on her own, I'd just leave her to it and try not to think about it. It's her decision.

God spare me from people who think they're doing me a favour by offering me lifts. On the whole, they are not. I can drive I just don't need to. If I needed to I'd get my own sodding car.

I can't speak for her but it's incredibly annoying when people push lifts on me. I realise they think they are doing me a favour and that getting public transport or walking is inconvenient or even squalid. But it's fine and they aren't making my life easier. Most of the time they're doing themselves a favour by making themselves feel good sometimes while making life less not more convenient for me.

I'm very assertive but it is hard to say no because people insist: "No, no, it's no trouble" and sometimes it gets awkward almost like: "Why don't you want to be with me in my car?"

So you give in and then they say things like: "I'm only going to Tesco because I'm in a hurry and don't want to traipse round." Or "Can I drop you here not where you want to be because I don't like the one-way system?"

So it's not like a taxi where the driver takes you wherever you want to go or even like the bus where you can get off and walk from the nearest stop. And even worse, you are expected to be grateful for a free ride. There's a lot to be said for paying your fare - principally you get to go where you want to go.

You can't show you're pissed off because you're supposed to be grateful. Funnily enough they always feel really good about it because they've done you a big favour and sometimes tell other people how good they are too.

So here's a tip: if you offer you mum a lift and she says no don't push it. Just say: "Okay mum. Happy hunting. See you tomorrow."

No, it's not an age thing, it's a personality type.
It probably gives her immense pleasure to buy everything at the cheapest possible price

It depends what value you put in your time I suppose. I don’t have a bottomless pocket but if something is 50p cheaper in another shop but is going to take an extra 30 minutes out of my day then I’d rather suck up the additional monetary cost.

@CurryLover55

I’m only 12 years off 68 & don’t appreciate the term “ elderly “ for any age actually!!

I'm 60 and no way am I elderly!!🥵🥵

I did that when I was cash poor and time rich. Now I have money and less time I order online and pay a bit more. If shes not bothered by the time shes using then let her crack on.

I hear you!

Maybe it's a generational thing. My mother will drive a 30 minute round trip to get bird seed by the sack. She saves £1.50 in total (weight for weight) rather than picking up smaller quantities locally.
The cost of running the car and petrol negate any saving, and she's wasted half an hour driving as the place is not on the way to anywhere.

She won't hear me. It's her choice but she's very set in her ways.

My Mum does this. She is retired and it gets her out and about and gives her a purpose in her day. It is doing no-one any harm and it makes her happy. Just let her get on with it. I don't understand why you are worried about her being out in all kinds of weather? Presumably she has a coat, hat, gloves etc? Unless she is out and about in a blizzard or a hurricane, then she'll be fine.

At 68 and still working she is perfectly capable of choosing to fill her days as she wants. You don't have to like it! How you feel about it is neither here nor there.

I'm thinking you have to much time to be worrying about this.

so its your feelings here and not hers? if she is happy then surely that is what matters?

It's also a hobby of mine to hit supermarkets at yellow sticker time. I don't need to, I just do it for the thrill. I am not 68 yet but it's my ambition to not only achieve that great age but surpass it by a number of years.