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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether they really meant to invite my child to the party?

144 replies

Mackmama · 03/02/2022 20:34

I was talking to a mum in the school yard this morning who mentioned it was her child’s birthday and that it was great because this year at least he’ll be able to have a proper party.

I haven’t seen an invite for my child and I’m pretty sure my child and the one who’s birthday it is get along. I asked my child and he said all the others are going but he hasn’t been invited.

I’m wondering whether the invite has been lost or whether my child has been accidentally missed out. Equally I feel like it would be cheeky to ask and awkward if in fact for some reason they meant not to invite him, should I ask or just leave it?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 04/02/2022 20:57

This is why I love a class what's app. You can just drop a casual message.

Wheelz46 · 04/02/2022 20:59

One of the comments has actually reminded me of a time that my child handed an invite to Harry but really should have handed it to Parry (name changed but you get my drift)

When Harry's mum messaged me saying Harry would love to come, I was thinking 🤔 and realised the mix up. Ended up with both Harry and Parry 🤣 Obviously couldn't uninvite Harry! Always wondered if Harry's mum clocked the invite said Parry!

user1477249785 · 04/02/2022 21:02

OP when my kid was in primary I sent out invites to his party. A week later one of the parents send me an email saying she was really sorry to ask, and no bother at all if not, but had I meant to invite her son to the party? She thought they were friends and he hadn't received anything. I know it must have taken real courage for her to ask that and boy am I glad she did. I have no idea what happened to his invitation but we definitely wanted him there. I'm so pleased she plucked up the courage to ask. In your shoes, I'd ask too. After all, she mentioned it to you and no one is crass enough to do that if an invite isn't forthcoming...

whineochoc · 04/02/2022 21:04

I haven't read all the thread but my son has his party on Sunday.It's £22 per child Shock Unfortunately we had to limit him to just choosing his most favourite friends and they change weekly! He's had to pick 12 out of a class of 29.
So potentially there may be kids who are friends with my son who didn't make the cut. As long as my son isn't being mean and other kids are being mean about who is and isn't provided then sadly it's life.
I've been aware of parties this year that my son hasn't been invited to and not been bothered because I understand he can't go to everyone's.

Juniper68 · 04/02/2022 21:09

@Mackmama

I chickened out of asking, I don’t think the party is until next weekend though so I’ve got another week to stress about it!!
Oh no!
lavender2022 · 04/02/2022 21:09

@purpleme12

God I would leave it My child had a best friend for years at school. Seemed reciprocal from what I could make out. Yet never once was she invited to her party. I think it was the mum's decision unfortunately I don't think she liked me or my child.
This is a difficult one but as @purpleme12 has said, I would leave it. Your DS deserves better friends/parents of friends, than that.
Doona · 04/02/2022 21:11

We once invited the wrong Jacob and only realized when the wrong kid turned up!

Honest2you · 04/02/2022 21:17

Leave it, but give your child a birthday card to give them and take your child out for a special fun day or treat.

Ginger1982 · 04/02/2022 21:19

@Mackmama

I chickened out of asking, I don’t think the party is until next weekend though so I’ve got another week to stress about it!!
Send a message then for heaven's sake.
DysmalRadius · 04/02/2022 21:43

The misnamed invitation is a good thing - you can use it as an excuse to bring up the party by saying your son told you he had been given an invitation but he thought it was for someone else and you weren't sure whether he'd got the wrong end of the stick.

Staffy1 · 04/02/2022 21:47

Ask your DS to ask his friend instead of you asking. Less awkward between the kids and he’s got a good reason to ask if he was handed an invite. If the answer is yes, he can say he didn’t get the invite and needs to be given the details.

Daisy4569 · 04/02/2022 22:06

Just mention what happened and say you didn’t want to seem rude by not responding if there was a mix up (but no worries if not) I wouldn’t get your son to ask as it would be more hurtful for him to be told no by his friend I’d have thought

LadyOfMisrule · 04/02/2022 22:12

My daughter had a whole class party and one invitation got mislaid at school. Some time later, the mum asked me why her son hadn't been invited. I really wish she had said something at the time, as we could have rectified it and not had him sitting at home, upset.

runningoutofnewnames · 04/02/2022 22:33

@Mackmama

Yeah, and I don’t know her well but I really don’t have her down as a bitch, she seems really nice.

The plots thickened cause now he just told me the child gave him an invitation with the wrong name on so he gave it back, so is that invitation his or the other child’s?!

Ah, this is your in to ask.

Say your DS had told you a confusing story about how he was given an invite but it had the wrong name on it and he doesn't have it now, so you just wanted to check if he's meant to be invited. No worries if not, just want to be sure.

Allusernamesalreadyused · 04/02/2022 22:50

Oh pls find out asap
I'm so invested in this. . Yes I know I'm sad!
Pls pls let your kid be invited too. Hate it if a kid is left out. I've been there Confused

Beachbreak2411 · 04/02/2022 23:03

Op I had this before! My DD and a couple others weren’t invited and all the rest were. My dd was good friends with birthday girl and was gutted. After the party the birthday girls mum messaged me saying it was a shame my dd couldn’t attend and we realised invitation had got lost!

fatchilli123 · 05/02/2022 02:48

When I was about ten I went to do my guide sewing badge. I discovered my whole class there at the boys birthday party . I did my badge and went home . Now wondering just how much they hated me . Only three girls came to my party that I invited them all to . Eek eek 🤣
Sounds like a missing invite to me . Wrong name .... Gave his invite to the wrong child I reckon, please ask for him .

WorstXmasEver · 05/02/2022 02:56

You don't really invite a kid to a party because the children just get along in my opinion.

Kids parties can be pretty awkward affairs when you don't know the parents & it takes away from the day because you're trying to be friendly etc.

My kid has never had a party invite but her friends really aren't the type to have parties, it's all takeaways & sleepovers etc.

I wouldn't ask. It doesn't seem like they've been invited.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 05/02/2022 03:03

I once had a mum text me months after my DDs party, very apologetic that she'd just found the invite and hoped I didn't think she'd just been rude and not replied. I think either scenario is possible, your DC could have not been invited or the invite might have gone astray. No harm in checking along the lines of don't want to seem rude if we've missed it somehow.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 05/02/2022 04:21

@Mackmama

I chickened out of asking, I don’t think the party is until next weekend though so I’ve got another week to stress about it!!
If you can face the wrath of mumsnetters by not asking her OP, you can easily face asking this woman and actually ask her this very simple question and yes, full disclosure, I would be bricking it too 😂

Pp have given you several brilliant ways of approaching this dilemma, and you will be so pleased after you have the answer (whether it is yay or nay) that you asked in an attempt to stop your DC being bitterly disappointed. If you don't ask but find out later that DC was supposed to have been asked, you will feel even more terrible than you do now no, I don't think I am being at all over dramatic as I need to know the answer !!

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 05/02/2022 04:43

@Wheelz46

One of the comments has actually reminded me of a time that my child handed an invite to Harry but really should have handed it to Parry (name changed but you get my drift)

When Harry's mum messaged me saying Harry would love to come, I was thinking 🤔 and realised the mix up. Ended up with both Harry and Parry 🤣 Obviously couldn't uninvite Harry! Always wondered if Harry's mum clocked the invite said Parry!

My DD came home once with an invite with another kids name crossed out and hers added. I called her mum and DD was invited. The story given was friend meant to invite DD, but forgot her invite and when birthday girl found out the other friend couldn't go she gave DD hers instead. I wasn't convinced about the story, but the other girl we wasn't a close friend and DD was happy to go.
LadyPropane · 05/02/2022 04:51

Ah, come on, surely she wouldn't invite the entire class bar one child? And then go and talk to the parent of that one child who isn't invited and start talking about how great her kid's birthday party is going to be?

That's such an advanced and overt level of bitchyness that I think the woman would be very easily recognised as a horrible person to everyone around! You'd already know she was unusually nasty.

I think any vaguely normal person would not do this. It really sounds like there was a mix up and your child is invited.

diddl · 05/02/2022 07:53

"Ah, come on, surely she wouldn't invite the entire class bar one child?"

I've missed the bit where it's a full class party.

This males me glad that I'm in a small town & could hand deliver invitations to actual addresses!

Pottedpalm · 05/02/2022 08:53

Use the invite with the wrong name on to open up the conversation. ‘DC wasn’t sure whether someone else got their invite. No worries if not.’
If she is a nice person why would she start the conversation. I think you will find he is invited,

StargazerAli · 05/02/2022 09:11

I think I'd ask a friend to enquire subtly on your behalf if you feel awkward asking yourself. Many years ago I left a child off an invite list for a party for my daughter and didn't realise until months later. They must have thought I did it on purpose. I wish someone had pointed it out to me!!