To ask whether they really meant to invite my child to the party?

[Mackmama]

I was talking to a mum in the school yard this morning who mentioned it was her child’s birthday and that it was great because this year at least he’ll be able to have a proper party.

I haven’t seen an invite for my child and I’m pretty sure my child and the one who’s birthday it is get along. I asked my child and he said all the others are going but he hasn’t been invited.

I’m wondering whether the invite has been lost or whether my child has been accidentally missed out. Equally I feel like it would be cheeky to ask and awkward if in fact for some reason they meant not to invite him, should I ask or just leave it?

Definitely ask. When ds2 was at primary the teacher forgot to hand out invites. Only family turned up to the hall ☹

Tough one! I think in our school, most parents have given up on paper invitations as they never seem to reach the intended recipient.

You could gently ask, seeing as the mum has mentioned the party.

Sounds like his invite was maybe given to the wrong kid? I think it would be ok in this case to mention it to the mum, just say your dc mentioned being given an invite but now it is missing, and you are worried in case she is waiting on a response from you. I think its very likely your dc was actually invited.

I think it’s fine for you to raise it in a very light way - that you’re confused about whether child is invited or not because you haven’t seen one. That it’s no problem at all if child isn’t part of the party but that you just don’t want to miss it. She might have been mentioning it as a hint about rsvp. Your child might not be invited.

I would definitely ask.

@Juniper68

Definitely ask. When ds2 was at primary the teacher forgot to hand out invites. Only family turned up to the hall ☹

This is why I tell parents to hand out their own invites at drop off/pick up 🙈 At the end of the teaching day my head is everywhere apart from party invites!

If you really don't want her to use the word vagina etc, at least teach her to say front bottom so at least it's clear. These words like mini and fairy are ludicrous.

Oops however did I manage to post this on this thread -please ignore!

@Twillow

You talk to the child's mum, so just ask. I'm sure she wouldn't have spoken to you about it if she knew your DS wasn't invited...!

Parents generally follow up if people don’t respond. I’d say he’s not on the list. Don’t let it bother you. If it’s only a few kids sometimes they just choose whoever they’ve played with that day. Kids are pretty shallow, just forget it.

@Twillow my dd says Fadgina and really emphasises the Fadge. Has me in stitches every time.

Anyway, back to the thread

I've been in both situations here.
Once, I decided to channel a friend of mine, and pretend to be bright and breezy, and casually ask the mum if dd was meant to have been invited. Sure enough the whole class should have been invited, and my dd had misplaced the invite.
And on the other side of the coin, I've been asked by a mum if I really meant to only invite one of her twin girls. I hadn't, both were meant to have been invited, and I was so pleased she checked with me.

@Mackmama

Yeah, and I don’t know her well but I really don’t have her down as a bitch, she seems really nice.

The plots thickened cause now he just told me the child gave him an invitation with the wrong name on so he gave it back, so is that invitation his or the other child’s?!

Most likely in that case is that the child told his mum the wrong name. Dd2 had that a couple of times as her name was similar to others and we then got an apology after the party, which was quite sad for her.

I think you should talk to her and tell her you think that there might have been a mix up with the invitations and you don't want to just not turn up - but equally understand if he wasn't actually invited. I don't think she would have mentioned the party if your son wasn't invited.

I’ve just left it because I guess sometimes it’s a small party and the child chooses whoever they played with on the day they were asked

actually parents should know who their kids friends are and be in control of who is/isn't invited.

I don't think she would have mentioned the party if your son wasn't invited

i am surprised people keep saying this, in an ideal world yes but people can have very little tact and common sense and think nothing of doing this. I once worked with a girl who came into the staffroom at break handing out wedding invites and others just sitting there awkwardly. I've also seen such behaviour go on in my 'friendship' groups- we were adults too when it happened.
Bottom line is never expect good manners or the rules of etiquette to be followed by anybody because people will bloody well shock you.

If I were the other mum I’d really appreciate you asking. I’d hate to have any dc feeling left out.

@Twillow

If you really don't want her to use the word vagina etc, at least teach her to say front bottom so at least it's clear. These words like mini and fairy are ludicrous.

🤣 Vaginas are preferable to "invites".

Invite is a verb. Invitation is the noun.

What I would say is, no matter what her reply, keep (genuinely) friendly in the playground, for playdates, after school activities etc. My child wasnt invited to many parties - it was a girl heavy class and the parties inevitably became girls only. But we maintained friendships as there was no offence taken on our part at not being invited.

@Mackmama

Yeah, if I see her in the morning, I think I might ask. The more I think about it, the more I think there might have been an invite that’s gone astray somewhere.

Sounds likely his invite went to someone else if there's been confusion about names.

I bet the mum mentioning the party to you was a gentle nudge about the rsvp. She probably thinks you got the invitation and have forgotten to reply.

I had this: whole class except dd invited to A’s party. I asked a different parent (who I knew was very gossipy) if I had upset A’s mum. Within 24 hrs A’s mum phoned me saying she’d heard we didn’t have an invite but she gave invites to the teacher for the whole class and has no idea what happened to ours but please do come! And gave us another invite.

Two months later, the teacher gave the missing invite to my child 🤦‍♀️

So anyway do ask around, it might be a mistake.

It might be worth checking. When my eldest was younger, I stopped one of the other Mum's in the playground to check if her child was coming, she knew nothing about it. This was the Mum who not only would always reply but would be the first to do so. The invite hadn't got to her.

@Mackmama

Yeah, and I don’t know her well but I really don’t have her down as a bitch, she seems really nice.

The plots thickened cause now he just told me the child gave him an invitation with the wrong name on so he gave it back, so is that invitation his or the other child’s?!

I expect birthday boy mixed up the invites, giving peter’s to paul and paul’s to peter. Now paul has given his back and peter may have 2 or it’s just disappeared into the ether.

Just message the mum and say, ‘hi, sorry to bother you but we’re all a bit confused because paul is under the impression he’s going to your child’s party but I can’t find an invitation anywhere… has he lost it or have I spawned a gatecrasher?’

I think your child is invited but I'd double check. Unless she is a nasty piece of work there is no reason for her to talk about a party for her dc to which your child is not invited.