Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether they really meant to invite my child to the party?

144 replies

Mackmama · 03/02/2022 20:34

I was talking to a mum in the school yard this morning who mentioned it was her child’s birthday and that it was great because this year at least he’ll be able to have a proper party.

I haven’t seen an invite for my child and I’m pretty sure my child and the one who’s birthday it is get along. I asked my child and he said all the others are going but he hasn’t been invited.

I’m wondering whether the invite has been lost or whether my child has been accidentally missed out. Equally I feel like it would be cheeky to ask and awkward if in fact for some reason they meant not to invite him, should I ask or just leave it?

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 03/02/2022 22:55

It sounds like the child invited your dd as he gave him an invite. The names probably just got mixed up

FortunesFave · 03/02/2022 22:56

this happened to us and the Mum was quite annoyed because I hadn't RSVPd....I found out in time because DD asked me why we weren't going...her little friend had mentioned to her that her Mum had said "Fortune isn't coming I don't think"

Invitation was in DDs drawer at school but DD was a messy little thing and had forgotten it was there.

slaybell · 03/02/2022 22:56

DD was really upset the other week as she said she didn't get an invite to one of her close friends' birthday parties.

I assumed they must have had a falling out (despite DD arguing the contrary). I got a text from the birthday child's mum two days before the party asking if DD was coming as she hadn't had an RSVP. Turns out, the teacher had asked the birthday child to post the invites into trays rather than hand them out. DD found the invite screwed up in the bottom of her tray.

Could it be something like this? Unless the mum is a nasty bitch I can't see why she would mention the party knowing your child wasn't invited!

slaybell · 03/02/2022 22:57

@FortunesFave

this happened to us and the Mum was quite annoyed because I hadn't RSVPd....I found out in time because DD asked me why we weren't going...her little friend had mentioned to her that her Mum had said "Fortune isn't coming I don't think"

Invitation was in DDs drawer at school but DD was a messy little thing and had forgotten it was there.

Ha. What a X post!
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/02/2022 23:19

I don't think your son has been invited.

FortunesFave · 03/02/2022 23:21

Slaybell ha ha weird! It's a bit silly getting kids to put them in trays as infants don't check them! But I get handing them out causes issues if some aren't invited. The best place for them is in a book bag really. More chance of them being found.

DahliaMacNamara · 03/02/2022 23:26

Do check tactfully along the lines that others have suggested. I'm still wincing about the one boy in DS's nursery class whose mum said afterwards that he hadn't come to the party as he wasn't invited. He absolutely was invited, as was everyone else.
DS is in his mid twenties now and I still feel for poor little Jake.

JugglingJanuary · 03/02/2022 23:32

Just ask, I'd hate for someone to be missed out because of a silly mistake!

Summerfun54321 · 03/02/2022 23:41

I couldn’t give 2 shits about tact in this scenario, it would be a straight up “is my child invited?”. The happiness of my child comes way before any embarrassment or awkwardness over something petty like a kids party.

QuizzicalEyebrows · 03/02/2022 23:47

'Your DC gave my DC an invite but with the wrong name on it so my DC returned it. Now we're not sure if my DC is invited or not and I don't want to be rude if he has been invited and we haven't replied'

LikeABreathRipplingBy · 04/02/2022 00:02

I did this once. It didn't end well. DD wasn't invited and the mother thought I was bonkers.

WomblingWilma · 04/02/2022 00:11

Is there another DS with the same name as yours in the class. Maybe they meant to write two for Peter S and Peter P (for eg) but only wrote one by mistake?

You should say that after her mentioning her DSs party yesterday, you’d asked DS where the invite was and he said he was given one but it had the wrong name on it so you just wanted to check if he was invited. If it was a mistake, all well and good. If not it puts her on the spot.

Mind you I had a little incident with a mother of one of DS1s friend’s at the school gate in Yr1. Both boys liked to tussle with each other in the playground before school and DS accidentally knocked her son over and fell on him. No injuries thankfully. She shouted at him in front of me and everyone else and said I should’ve been watching him. A short time later, her son did similar to DS again accidentally so I told her she should’ve been watching her son too which she didn’t like Hmm never spoke to me again. Every year after that she took great delight in handing out her son’s birthday invites in the playground line up inviting all the boys in the class but excluding DS. They were friends all the way through primary and he got quite upset one year when they were doing a particular activity, Every year DS invited him to his birthday but she never even RSVPed, and the boy said he wasn’t allowed to come until Yr6 when he finally did and gave DS £50 (10 years ago so quite a lot of money back then) in an envelope as a present! I like to think she felt a bit bad about it Hmm.

Hottubtimemachine · 04/02/2022 01:05

We had this, friend of my ds had a fairly big party. Son thought he was invited but no invite. I checked with the mum who I knew well and really liked. She was very lovely about it but did say sorry they aren’t invited this time. I felt a twat and never checked again in that situation!

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 04/02/2022 01:17

Of course you should ask her, and if your DC isn't invited then she deserves to be embarrassed after talking to you about it. But like others, I think she mentioned it to you to remind you gently that you hadn't replied yet.

dogrilla · 04/02/2022 10:19

This is why I've ditched paper invites and just send a WhatsApp message to parents instead. So much easier!! Did you speak to her this morning?

ittakes2 · 04/02/2022 17:36

I think if she brought up the party conversation than if your child was invited she would have asked if you thought he could make it. She didn’t so guessing he is not sorry.

JKRowlingDevilWoman · 04/02/2022 17:36

I would just ask. I have done this for my son. He was off school when the invites when out, didn't want to make an issue of it so made it plain that it was fine if he wasn't invited and not to invite him because I've asked. After missing so much over the last few years I didn't want him to miss out if he had been invited and not received the invite. I also didn't want the mother to think I hadn't responded to an invite I hadn't gotten. Just ask. It's fine.

Suja1 · 04/02/2022 17:43

I had this once. The invitation was in my DC's desk drawer; it was discovered at the end of term when they were clearing out their desks!

Zonder · 04/02/2022 17:44

Dying to know if he is invited. I hope so.

TokyoSushi · 04/02/2022 18:04

Another one wanting to know, I have awkward situations like this! It's happened to me twice though and both times DS was invited, I was pretty sure before I asked though!

Bizawit · 04/02/2022 18:08

Did you ask op?? How did it go?

cherish123 · 04/02/2022 18:15

Leave it. I suspect she forgot who was invited.

BluebellsGreenbells · 04/02/2022 18:16

How close are they? I've still not forgiven my son's best friend at the age of 7 snubbing him and asking everyone else. He was heartbroken

When DD was 7 her best friend didn’t get an invite - she assumed that as she practically lived in our house that she would just turn up! She disappointed herself!

It didn’t help that I kept asking if she needed to invite friend and she kept saying no, it wasn’t till the party she asked where friend was!!

Frazzledmum123 · 04/02/2022 18:16

I've been on the other side, we just invited a small group for my dd 7th birthday and I had a very apologetic text from one mum saying her daughter's friend had an invite and she wondered if it was a whole class party? I had to say I was really sorry but no, we were limited on numbers (soft play thing) so it was just a small group. It was a bit awkward but I didn't mind her asking and she wasn't funny about it so I'd say definitely ask

debbiewest0 · 04/02/2022 18:16

Was there an update OP?

Swipe left for the next trending thread