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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether they really meant to invite my child to the party?

144 replies

Mackmama · 03/02/2022 20:34

I was talking to a mum in the school yard this morning who mentioned it was her child’s birthday and that it was great because this year at least he’ll be able to have a proper party.

I haven’t seen an invite for my child and I’m pretty sure my child and the one who’s birthday it is get along. I asked my child and he said all the others are going but he hasn’t been invited.

I’m wondering whether the invite has been lost or whether my child has been accidentally missed out. Equally I feel like it would be cheeky to ask and awkward if in fact for some reason they meant not to invite him, should I ask or just leave it?

OP posts:
Dnaltocs · 04/02/2022 18:29
  1. Just send a reply saying thank you for the invite and go.
Or
  1. Reply saying sorry you can’t attend.
Both will make you feel better. I’d ensure my child had a special event on that day to compensate.
Wheresthebeach · 04/02/2022 18:31

I once got a text from a Mum I didn’t know terribly well asking about DD’s party. Invite had been lost and child definitely invited. Poor kid had to push her Mum to ask as she’d seen the invite on another kids fridge and had insisted to her mum that if ‘Johnny’ was invited then there was no way she wouldn’t have been. 7 years later I’m still friends with the mum and the girls are close. Best to ask.

Dnaltocs · 04/02/2022 18:33

I like Nanbread’s suggestion.

Triptinratbat · 04/02/2022 18:38

@Mackmama what happened?

Mumma2212 · 04/02/2022 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zog14 · 04/02/2022 18:50

We had invited the whole class to a party just before school broke up for half term last October. Small class of 14 kids. Invites handed out in school by son. Had a small trickle of replies before the school broke up but not many.
I decided to message the class what’s app group.
Something along the lines of “Just checking for any last RSVP to DD’s party. Think some of the invites might have gone astray, hope you can make it”.
Literally half the class had left their invites in school or at the bottom of school bags!
All but one kid came.
I swore never to do paper invites again …

So based on my experience, there is a good chance it has been lost!

TolkiensFallow · 04/02/2022 18:55

See I’ve sent out paper invites via school as I don’t have the parents phone numbers. But agree WhatsApp helps!

Personally I think you should ask the mum and say you are confused and won’t be offended if your dc isn’t invited but you got the impression they were expecting you to go!

apprenticewage · 04/02/2022 18:57

Just message her and say

Hi X, ds mentioned something about a party and invitation mix up. He's not making much sense so said I would text you to make sure. No worries if he's not invited. I just wanted to clarify just in case he misplaced it. Thanks Mackmama

Original poster
Mackmama · 04/02/2022 19:02

I chickened out of asking, I don’t think the party is until next weekend though so I’ve got another week to stress about it!!

OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 04/02/2022 19:06

Definitely ask. I once had ds's friend ask me why he wasn't invited to Ds's party. His invitation had disappeared somehow in between my house and the school. I felt bad as I was friendly with his mum but she didn't dare ask me.

TonTonMacoute · 04/02/2022 19:09

From what you have said I would ask her - don't do it by text but do try a and make it a time when there is no one else within hearing to minimise any awkwardness.

Cotswoldmama · 04/02/2022 19:10

I've had similar but the other way around! My son gave out invites to his party and we heard from everyone except one. So I said to ask him at school if he could come or not. The boy said he wasn't sure it depended what time it was, which my son told him (it was on the invite) . It seems weird that I haven't had any response at all from one of his parents! It makes me wonder if he's even given them the invite or told them about it. He's a very shy boy and I think he may not want to come because his parents wouldn't be able to come too. So I think he hasn't told his parents because they might encourage him to go and he doesn't want to as he'd be out of his comfort zone.

Icantrememberthenameoftheartis · 04/02/2022 19:14

No I wouldn’t ask.

I was in this position last weekend.

My DD Yr 1, is good friends with another little girl in her class, I often hear her name mentioned and it does seem they play together everyday. Little girl asked my DD if she was coming to her birthday party, we hadn’t received an invitation. I wondered whether to ask the mum but another mum asked before me on the class whatsapp group and this little girls mum replied with an awkward ‘No sorry I have given all invitations out, it’s just a small party not a class party’. I think invitations were based on who the mum is friends with rather than who the child is friends with.

In your case I think the mum would’ve asked you if your child got their invitation and are they coming? But she didn’t. I would assume your child hasn’t been invited.

Saz12 · 04/02/2022 19:24

Really tricky! I managed to miss out a child from DD’s 5th birthday party, was very awkward phone call to accidentally not invited child’s parents! Awful, I’ve the prickly sweat typing it anonymously now.

I’d be inclined to ask : “DS was havded an invite but it had another child’s name in it. I totally get that numbers need to be limited, but IF he was meant to be invited could you let me know? Absolutely fine if not, am not trying to stir cake-gate!”

Then if you don’t hear back you can pretend it never happened....

Menotyou · 04/02/2022 19:33

I really do think 'all's fair with love and parties'. Sometimes you get invited, sometimes you don't and I really don't think it should be taken personally. I'm sure if the mum would chase if she's expecting an RSVP

HTH1 · 04/02/2022 19:37

I would totally ask and say DS was handed an invitation but with the wrong name on so just wanted to check what’s going on.

Doona · 04/02/2022 19:44

It does sound like a mix up of invitations! Still, I would never ask either. Much easier for her to ask if you got the invitation.

Trudij123 · 04/02/2022 19:59

@Twillow

If you really don't want her to use the word vagina etc, at least teach her to say front bottom so at least it's clear. These words like mini and fairy are ludicrous.
That’s whole different kind of party Grin

I’d maybe ask if I saw her - mostly because your son was given an invite in the wrong name, you’ve got an “in” to ask her if he was invited as you’d hate her to think you were rude enough to just not respond.

diddl · 04/02/2022 20:01

I'm wondering if your son handing the invitation back means that the party boy thinks he doesn't want to go & his mum was trying to broach the subject?

Wheelz46 · 04/02/2022 20:05

Generally speaking if someone doesn't reply to a kids party invite, the parents usually chase up with you as we all know they can get left in bottom of bags, school drawers or coat pockets.

DrGoogleSaysSo · 04/02/2022 20:06

Could it be that your ds received the invite with the wrong name and returned it and another child got the one with your ds's name but didn't pass it to your ds? You should ask the Mum so your ds doesn't feel left out in case he was actually invited.

Darbs76 · 04/02/2022 20:36

She might ask you later next week if your child is coming. But it’s definitely worth saying your child gave an invite back so you just wanted to check it wasn’t for him as you don’t want her to think you’re rude not responding.

ivegotthisyeah · 04/02/2022 20:38

I think she deliberately mentioned the party to you as as reminder as In hint hint you haven't replied

PinkSyCo · 04/02/2022 20:43

Your DC gave my DC an invite but with the wrong name on it so my DC returned it. Now we're not sure if my DC is invited or not and I don't want to be rude if he has been invited and we haven't replied'

I would take this advice OP. Surely birthday boy’s mum wouldn’t be thoughtless enough to mention the party to you if she hadn’t meant to invite your DS. There’s obviously been a mix up and it’d be a shame for your child to miss out unnecessarily.

pilates · 04/02/2022 20:55

I don’t think he’s been invited. The mum will probably ask this week if he had to check for final numbers.