To be miffed after this phone call from DS school

[GypsyWanderer]

So DS is 14. I just got a phone call from a woman at the high school (I don’t recognise her name and not even sure if she is a teacher or whatever) and she tells me several members of staff and students have noticed my DS smells! I am mortified obviously. He has regular showers and deodorant etc.

I guess I’m miffed because I don’t know what to do about it except tell him every day to have a shower and deodorant which I do anyway with all the kids. I’m just shocked that several students and teachers have noticed when me and DH haven’t. Also kind of wish they had sent me an email rather than an embarrassing phone call

Hello OP, I can imagine it must have been embarrassing

I unfortunately have to make those calls! It's never easy. It won't be groups of teachers getting together in the staff room chatting about it, more like 1 or 2 noticed it and reported it to pastoral/dsl as it can be a neglect issue, as mentioned. But please don't worry, for the vast majority it is just a case of smelly boys and upping your game! Definitely more likely to be BO though rather than dogs- what type do you have?

Tips:
-shower every morning before school, or if need be before bed, no exception
-anti perspirant (not just Lynx etc) applied straight away (and again in the morning if he showered at night
-fresh clothes every day - at least a shirt - I cannot stress the importance enough of a fresh shirt daily
-febreze his blazer (especially the arm pits) and hang outside if possible for an hour or so after school
-what fabric is his blazer? Mine goes in the washing machine even though it says dry clean only

Also, I wouldn't tell him AT ALL about the call! I'd just thread it into a general chat about hygiene, say you've noticed a whiff, and reinforce how he needs to shower- check he's washing his hard, bits and pits with shower gel and a scrubber (those fluffy balls are good) rather than just using his hands, or switch to bar soap. Also doing a full 2 min teeth brush night and morning.

Are you drying clothes to full dryness? Does he ever get them out of the machine slightly damp?

I was friends with someone at my old student job who did smell. Management pulled him to the side a few times about it (we worked in hospitality too so it was quite off putting!). It turned out he was wearing damp clothes and that’s where the smell was coming from. It’s hard to explain but it was a really unpleasant smell.

Oh, and, just saw about his long walk- I'd make him wear a t-shirt and change into a shirt at school (after reapplying deodorant)

@LoveMae

Hello OP, I can imagine it must have been embarrassing

I unfortunately have to make those calls! It's never easy. It won't be groups of teachers getting together in the staff room chatting about it, more like 1 or 2 noticed it and reported it to pastoral/dsl as it can be a neglect issue, as mentioned. But please don't worry, for the vast majority it is just a case of smelly boys and upping your game! Definitely more likely to be BO though rather than dogs- what type do you have?

Tips:
-shower every morning before school, or if need be before bed, no exception
-anti perspirant (not just Lynx etc) applied straight away (and again in the morning if he showered at night
-fresh clothes every day - at least a shirt - I cannot stress the importance enough of a fresh shirt daily
-febreze his blazer (especially the arm pits) and hang outside if possible for an hour or so after school
-what fabric is his blazer? Mine goes in the washing machine even though it says dry clean only

Also, I wouldn't tell him AT ALL about the call! I'd just thread it into a general chat about hygiene, say you've noticed a whiff, and reinforce how he needs to shower- check he's washing his hard, bits and pits with shower gel and a scrubber (those fluffy balls are good) rather than just using his hands, or switch to bar soap. Also doing a full 2 min teeth brush night and morning.

Sound advice, mentioning the call to him would not be a great idea, it could really dent his confidence or even make him paranoid that people are talking behind his back. It’s hard enough being a teenager without thinking that adults are saying you smell behind your back. Definitely better that a loving mum has a chat about hygiene in his own home.

Just to say thank you to the OP for alerting me to the fact that there are now self-cleaning washing machines. I find it a faff to do this so when I need to replace this one (now > 20 years old and still going) I'll look out for that.

I think it's kinder that they told you. Wash all his clothes and coat on a hot wash with plenty of power and fabric conditioner.

It's kinder that they did it this way than admit what it's actually like in class when 14 year old haven't quite got the hang of puberty yet.

You can tell what kid it is by their particular acrid notes even two hours after they've left the room at times.

1 day smell - one of those things. But by Wednesday/Thursday, when they've not been near the soap and water or changed all their clothes, (even without cream or lotion to hold the smell against the skin and put them off washing because then they'll only have to put it all back on again), it's on a par with a tomcat in the porch.

Not nice to hear but better you now know

Sounds like could be dogs

Houses smell of dogs and owners don’t notice it

Even if they clean hoover mop etc

Friend had 2 dogs. House smells bad

Or a blazer. I know it says dry clean usually

But many cope going in washing machine on gentle wash

You say twins - are they identical and they got the wrong one

Dd used to get a lift from friend opposite occasionally to guides.
She hated it because she said the car stunk of dogs, they had 2.
We have a ddog now and i often wonder if we smell of dog.

@GypsyWanderer

This is all very enlightening stuff honestly. The dogs is one of my first thoughts now. I don’t mind if I smell of dog and I don’t mind if my house smells of dog (much anyway) because I’m one of those people that likes dogs better than most people and w e never have guests 😆 BUT I definitely don’t want the kids going out of the house smelling of them!

I had no idea that soap works better than shower gel! My boys go through a bottle of shower gel a week so would probably be more cost affective to use soap!

My son spend about 12 hours at his dad's house eow and comes back absoultly stinking of dog, goes in fresh clothes and has a spare set of fresh clothes in his bag. Could be the dog !

Great advice here.

I've had this with my older two - two different schools, DS1 had been talked to directly and it was briefly mentioned to me in the termly update email shortly after that and my DD1, it was brought up in the first parents' evening in Y7 a noisy packed gym hall that it was 'sometimes noticed'. Very awkward, but the form tutor was so nice and apologetic about it and it was helpful as she was an early bloomer that wasn't quite clicking that she needed more than her friends & it wasn't just me being mean. I'd consider asking the school if they've talked to him about it as yeah, the whole 'the school called about this' can make it seem larger than it actually might be for general teen whiffiness.

DD2 has eczema and has long been more careful with her hygiene, though as others said, sometimes those lotions and other skin needs can have a smell to them, especially when they're active. and I did end up testing out bios to help deal with the puberty funks which thankfully caused her no issues and has been some help with some things like the PE kits. I also give them some bits to help them freshen up after PE as while there are showers, no one uses them and there isn't really time given for them but some wipes and a roll-on top up can be nice for them.

I’ve had to do those phone calls home, never easy. There have been a few strange causes that might be worth investigating

1. Child had a stomach infection which caused issues with breath
2. Child’s bag was revolting and everyone thought it was him, bag clean out and wash … sorted
3. Child was showering but keeping same socks on all week because they were his ‘favourites’.

It is not uncommon, at all and believe me we hate doing the calls. No one wants to make you feel bad/sad or angry, it’s not ok to email this kind of information, a personal quiet call is the best way. As much as you are embarrassed, honestly it’s not unusual in teens and will pass. Fwiw, teachers are encouraged not to email when the issue is sensitive.

@EmbarrassingHadrosaurus

Just to say thank you to the OP for alerting me to the fact that there are now self-cleaning washing machines. I find it a faff to do this so when I need to replace this one (now > 20 years old and still going) I'll look out for that.

I didn’t know it was a thing until we got a new one. It was t expensive either, just a cheap ish hotpoint one so I reckon most have that now

I’m definitely not going to tell him about the call. I’ll just be extra detailed when reminding him to have a shower. I usually have to remind him anyway so I’ll just bring it up in normal conversation and give him some of these tips. He had covid last week too and he’s not back to full strength which might be why he needs a bit of extra reminding, but I’m armed for when he comes through the door I’ll do the subtle sniff test 😆

Op I have had to speak to parents and children at school when they have smelt.They always always say they don't .School are trying to stop him being bullied and make the classroom more pleasant to be in.If they have called you he smells.Shower daily,soap,a good deodorant and washing uniform twice a week,fresh shirt and underwear daily,hair every 2 days.

Wrights cold tar soap worked on my teenaged boys !! One of them still uses it now as he has a physical job and says it’s the best thing to cure smelly armpits . I also encouraged mine to trim their under arm hair

My DB is very lazy with personal hygiene. He had terrible body odour from about the age 14 and just in the last 2 years has been consistently washing and he is in his 30s now. I have had numerous conversations about it with him, he does not 'agree' with aftershave and deodorant and thinks that people shouldn't smell so unnatural. He lives and home and my mum washes and irons all this clothes but she also doesn't believe clothes have to be washed daily and people have to shower daily. He has been told that he smells by numerous employers, school bullies, teachers and various friends but did nothing about it. He would previously have gone into a shower and come out smelling the exact same. Its so embarrassing but even in his late 20s he thought that people just went into the shower, got their head wet then came back out.

Honestly it took his friend who he lived with and who was not British who told him that he smelled terrible and it was nothing to do with people being vain liking the smell of aftershave but simply a lack of discipline on his part and not washing properly. He now smells not amazing but clean.

Having boys here too, the following is very effective.

Soap rather than gel and remind him to lather up his chest.
A mitt is very handy for lathering up and exfoliating too.

Definitely blazers can be smelly.
Dry clean regularly but before sending to the dry cleaners, spray the arm pit and back of the inside of the blazer on the lining.
Hang outside for an hour.
It neutralises any smell BEFORE dry cleaning and tell the dry cleaners it needs heavy duty clean.

Very strange you haven't smelt it though.

Make sure clothes are completely dry before putting away.

We’ll done for coming back and taking it all so well. Another vote for dog then clothes slightly damp and then deodorant. Make sure it’s antiperspirant not just body spray etc.
Had a friend at school and the smell of Damp dog was horrific. Even getting in their car with no dog was terrible. They couldn’t smell it

Adolescent boys can certainly get whiffy, DS (13) is a prime example! You've had plenty of great advice, OP, and you're not alone dealing with this. We bought DS deodorant once he hit puberty, but then I realized that he was constantly forgetting to use it! Same with showers, I still have to remind him to take them.

Unless, of course, he's procrastinating with his homework. He ran himself a bubble bath last night for that reason.

Also... if it is BO, could you check to see if he's sweating profusely under his arms? If he is suffering from hyperhidrosis then even a heavy duty antiperspirant probably won't cut it. They used to do special roll ons for this, not sure what's available now. Apply, leave overnight, then rinse off and apply normal deodorant the next morning.

My brother has 3 dogs and 4 cats. Plus his teenage kids and wife.
The whole family smell of 'animal' and damp. If we call round and stop there for more than a few minutes, we also carry the smell until we wash. We don't need to roll around with the dogs and cats, the air in the house us thick with the smell. If they come to our house for any length of time we have to air the place when they leave.
My brother has no idea that his house and he and his family smell. And I don't want to upset him and tell him!

I would expect them to call over something like this. It's a safeguarding concern.

Are his clothes clean?
Does he shower daily (with soap)
Does he use anti perspirant (not deodorant)
Is his bedding clean?
Animals ?

Without sounding mean. Perhaps you can't smell it because you are either used to or you also smell

Are you sure he doesn't have sweat rash? Ds had it under his arms despite using antiperspirant every day & it smelt awful. It took a course of steroid antifungal cream to clear it up & he still has to use the cream occasionally if it looks like coming back.

Sorry if I missed
But are you honestly sure it was the school?