that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

Yes, because life is just THAT simple isn’t it @cansu

@PrivateHall

OP I would calmly seek further detail from school. The email said she was late with the homework, are you sure she didn't hand it in late? I know you say you believe her, but I wouldn't just jump straight to blaming the school. I don't think teachers would hand out detentions for no reason, its bound to be a pita for them too!

The email said her homework wasn't handed in today as it should have been. So I assumed she hadn't done it at all, in which case I agree with the need for a detention, but wanted to ask the school for an option that works for us to get her home safely. But my DD has come home saying she attempted all questions and left one after getting stuck on it, which she showed me. She said the teacher told her she needed to be consistent, and on that basis was going to be in after school detention. I'm going to email the teacher again for clarity as the original email made it sound like it hadn't been done at all. I don't think the response is warranted if my DD's version is correct.

What PPs have said: she's caused the situation, she has to suffer the consequences; not you, not her teachers. She's 15, she's old enough to wait an hour for a bus.

I think if it inconveniences you that much then you should check her homework. Seems more fair then a member of staff not getting to eat their lunch!

It’s not just waiting an hour for a bus is it?
It’s an after school detention, then a long wait for a bus, and a long journey home, in the dark, on her own.

@CaptainNelson my above comment was to you.

I see your point about having to pick your daughter up. It is inconvenient for the family.

They probably don't have the staff to cover lunchtime detentions.

@ljs22 why didn't your DD come to your or her DF if she was stuck? That would be a concern for me.

@cansu

She will not be at risk getting home because it is the OP's responsibility to get her home. That might mean a taxi, a lift from a friend of the parents or one of them leaving work early to collect her. One might then expect her dd to hand her work in on time.

So you'd expect a medic to just leave work mid appointment with a patient, to collect a child from school? You'd be happy with that as my patient? And my partner who works shifts as a prison officer. He's supposed to drop everything and walk out of a prison mid shift? Just like that. Really?

We explained to our ds school that we do not agree with detention

We came up with an alternative consequence with the school and that has worked well.

@Staryflight445 I'm aware of that, I have read the OP. I have been through all of this with teens. If you keep bailing them out of their mistakes, they keep thinking this will always happen. She has to learn. The OP has to put her foot down ,imo.

Perhaps your daughter should pay you for each journey she misses on the coach due to a detention. I'm sure she would behave better then.

Until when? A young girl dies as a consequence of having to get home alone so vulnerably?

@CaptainNelson

Also, she is 15. She should be able to manage the busses at that age.

Has she said why she didn’t do the homework? Some schools give a lot and it can be overwhelming

Unless you live 40 minutes and 3 buses away from your childrens school you can hardly compare.
It’s not like the ops child can jump on a bus home pretty quickly or walk a 10-15min journey home is it.

Does your DD's school have a Home-School Agreement that you have signed?

I really understand your worries and your question about the proportionality of the punishment, but it's also exhausting as a member of school staff if every detention prompts a reason why it was unjustified and why this child can't do the detention.

Just to add I had a parent email me yesterday for a 15min break time detention I gave yesterday. All guns blazing, I sent her a screenshot of the no homework submission and the mother immediately apologised and admitted having lied about checking her daughters work and instead just 'believed her version of events'. We as teachers seriously have enough shit on our plates without having to make up reasons to sanction your children. The irony is that when your children don't meet their target gcse grades it will be our fault for not pushing them more, we can't win!

[quote CaptainNelson]@Staryflight445 I'm aware of that, I have read the OP. I have been through all of this with teens. If you keep bailing them out of their mistakes, they keep thinking this will always happen. She has to learn. The OP has to put her foot down ,imo.[/quote]
This.

But OP you are expecting staff at school to work 10-12 hours without a break so I don’t see how it’s different to you having to leave work. Step up and do the parenting after school and work and then you won’t have this problem.

She could get a taxi.....or is that too simple.

I might have slightly over calculated the hours but you get the gist!

@whoopsnomore

Does your DD's school have a Home-School Agreement that you have signed? I really understand your worries and your question about the proportionality of the punishment, but it's also exhausting as a member of school staff if every detention prompts a reason why it was unjustified and why this child can't do the detention.

Every detention doesn't warrant this response though. I've said on more than one occasion, that I'd agree entirely and support the detention had she not bothered to do her work at all (which she has done in the past on occasion), but of course within the boundaries of her personal safety. But this time that's not the case. So this time I don't support the detention at all.

Ask for it to be on the one day you don't work? Pay for a cab if you are worried. Or just let her get the bus.

@JustOneCup

We explained to our ds school that we do not agree with detention

We came up with an alternative consequence with the school and that has worked well.

More people should do this. Detentions are a waste of everyone’s time and they don’t work - as proved by your daughter getting them for the same thing over and over again.