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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

another mosschops holiday dilemma thread ....is dh being unreasonable again?

67 replies

mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 16:10

ok so some of you may have seen the disney thread, but we finally arrived at the fact that dh wasnt going to go, he agreed for somewhere like majorca/algarve etc.

Anyway as usual my mum is stumping up 2k for our family holiday.
Although last night she put a spanner in the works by asking if she could come with us
dh wasnt keen and neither was I, although for america it might have worked I think that 2 weeks in majorca with my mum would have been too much for all of us.

So I explain that to her today and then she asks if I would consider going away with her to Cyprus in March for a week, all paid just so she can have a holiday (dad is not well enough to travel).

now dh being all moody and I have said its either she comes with us for 2 weeks or we have our 2 weeks alone and I go with her for an extra week.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Triggles · 30/12/2007 17:45

I'm sorry, but it seems like as soon as your DH seemed willing to compromise at all (as in previous thread), then you come up with new demands. If I were your DH, I honestly would feel a bit like you and your mother were ganging up on me to push things the way you want them. I know that's not going to be a popular opinion, but that's just what I'm seeing. It's all about what you and your mother want to do, but then you say he's being unreasonable when he states what he wants. If your mother paying towards the holiday is clouding the issue, then simply don't have your mother pay. You stated before that you could still afford a holiday if she wasn't paying. Just because she wants to give you money for holiday doesn't mean you're required to accept it. There's such a thing as graciously saying no.

nutcracker · 30/12/2007 17:49

Sorry but i think you and your h are being unreasonable and quite selfish.

I understand that you might not want to holiday with your mum, but in that case don't have £2000 from her for a holiday, pay for it yourselves.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 18:10

yes honoria but has been a spectacularly shite year with my Dad being diagnosed with Lewy Bodies Disease, having a few spells in hospital, ds being in hospital, my uncle found out he had inoperable tumour just before Xmas, so its hardly been a charmed existance!

thank you cheeset thats exactly how it is my father is dreadfully tight with money (normally)and my mum gives us what she can, babysits for us to have weekend breaks (even though she lives 250 miles away) pays for little treats etc. And I really am eternally grateful and she is very proud of me doing my degree with 2 children.

However I dont agree with you all saying if she pays a proportion of our holiday then she has a right to come. It would make for a lot of tension, and she doesnt pay for all of it, its a donation towards a nice holiday. I dont ask her for it, and if she chose not to give us anything then that would be fine too.

have spoken to dh now and he seems 'ok' with it. Just have childcare issues really to worry about but my mum is on my case to book it tonight, so dont know whether to just go for it. Have also pointed out that this does not = boys holiday. Although have said he can do other stuff (last year he spent a week in Newquay 'fishing' with his brother)

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 30/12/2007 18:12

sorry to hear of your challenging year moss. Hopefully having had all that really nasty stuff to deal with will help you keep all this in perspective, though

Here's to a better 2008 with some (hopefully) lovely holidys!

Original poster
mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 18:16

thank you Happy New Year

OP posts:
hatrick · 30/12/2007 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 18:18

yes we could but the issue is dh being moody cos I'm gonna go away with my mother.
And her coming on holiday has never been a condition of giving the money ...surely the point of giving is that you want to give it, not that you attach conditions to it (Like I'll give you £10k towards a house but I have to choose it )

OP posts:
nutcracker · 30/12/2007 18:19

Surley she wouldn't of asked though if she didn't want to go ?

Original poster
mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 18:21

yes nutty this year she asked but not in previous years

OP posts:
nutcracker · 30/12/2007 18:23

But do you not feel bad taking the money but refusing to let her go ??

I would, but maybe thats just me.

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, have a nice time, it sounds like you have had a tough year.

hatrick · 30/12/2007 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LIZS · 30/12/2007 18:24

So what exactly is his issue ? That occasionally she wants to accompany you when she might not otherwise have a holiday or that she is funding it at all ? He just sounds a miserable git as far as I can tell so far .

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 30/12/2007 18:37

She has given money unconditionally up to now and this year she needs a holiday and you guys say eh sorry no. With all due respect MC, I hope it is the last penny she ever gives you.

And BTW I would not feel right taking money from a parent if only one parent was party to the agreement.

fireflyfairy2 · 30/12/2007 18:40

Why would your dad 'go bonkers' with your mum if he knew she was paying for your holidays?

I would feel awful if I accepted money from my mum behind my dad's back.

Can't you go on a cheaper holiday & then go with your mum also?

cheeset · 30/12/2007 18:43

I dont think mosschops dh is miserable, he just doesn't want to go on hols with his mil.

If I had to resolve this situation, I would suggest Mosschop goes on hols for a week with her mother, then goes on the 2week family hol with her dh and dc's.

I would probably opt for half of the mothers donation towards the family holiday and that would get the point accross to the dh

THEN, I would ask the mother to donate the other half(grand) and spend between the two ladies in Cyprus on luxury hotel & treats.

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 30/12/2007 18:46

OPT for nada, we are all grown women.

We can stand on our own two feet. A hundred here a hundred there maybe, if you are stuck, genuinely stuck, but thousands for a holiday.

melinda · 30/12/2007 18:48

I could not, ever, ever, ever take £2K from someone for a holiday every bleeding year, then turn round and say that, even though they've had a truly horrific year, they can't come. How can you look at yourselves in the mirror?

cheeset · 30/12/2007 18:48

My mum used to give me money behind my dads back because he was totally un bloomin unreasonable.

Brie-In a perfect world, you shouldn't keep secrets from your partners but then some people don't have perfect partners.In this situation, one parent can only be party to the agreement. I'm not implying this situation is the same as mosschops.

cheeset · 30/12/2007 18:53

The dh and the MIL probably know they would get on each others nerves and it would cause tension between them all.

Her mum wants to give her daughter the money, if I had 2k I would give it to my dd/ds if they needed it. Maybe they are millionaires? Come to think about it, I could do with a new kitchen, any chance?.... No?

dooley1 · 30/12/2007 19:04

ooh heated controversial thread...
I would go with your mum and dcs
Seems a bit unfair to go away and leave dh to do all the childcare unless he has a holiday on his own for a week every year

bubblerock · 30/12/2007 19:06

Sorry if someone's already said this (just skimmed thread) but could you not maybe book a villa somewhere for 2/3 weeks and your mum come for just a week as a compromise?

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 30/12/2007 20:26

Bubblerock

I rather fear they are too spoilt for that option at this stage.

fireflyfairy2 · 30/12/2007 20:30

Why can't you settle for a holiday that you can afford without your mam's money?

But really, it would just be basic manners to ask your mam along for a week of the holiday... that way your kids get time to spend with gran too

LolaTheShowgirl · 30/12/2007 20:35

Your DP sounds horrible! I would definately do away with your mum, mums almost certainly help with the DC, don't they and you might have such a nice girly laugh together. Leave DP home which will serve him right for being so damn ungrateful!

melinda · 30/12/2007 22:17

I am just completely horrified that anyone would take the money year after year and then, when the person who has helped you so much really, really needs your help ONE TIME, you start sulking....I honestly think it is absolutely disgusting, I really do.
If you are both totally selfish and venal, then you will probably feel fine about excluding you own mother to please your partner. Otherwise, for goodness sake, take your poor mother on holiday, tell her to keep her £2K and buy your own holiday. Radical, eh?