To think this isn’t workplace bullying - or bullying at all?

[KingJeremyTheWickedd]

Mainly a lurker here, but I’m going out of my mind worrying. There’s a bit of backstory but I think it’s all relevant. I’ll try to keep it as brief as I can:

I came back from maternity leave last year to an almost entirely new team. The only people who had stayed with the business was my manager and a colleague (call her A), everyone else moved on during the pandemic.
The rest of the team were new and mostly very pleasant. One colleague, B, seemed a bit cool and distant when we met, but our roles have little day to day cross over and we only worked in the office together on occasional days whilst I was settling back in after mat leave. We’re still mainly working from home and B’s day in the office is on a different day to mine. I’m not particularly concerned about having friends at work so I’ve not paid it much attention, just kept it friendly and polite but there were times where I felt she was being a bit short and rude.

Last week I came into the office on a different day due to an appointment - it was A and B’s regular day. A was talking about possible names for her baby, her DH likes the name Layla but they already have a Laura and she thinks their too similar. I said it may be worth thinking about them having the same initials as when I was at university I shared a house with someone with the same initial and surname as me and post was a nightmare, things got mixed up all the time as we had the same bank, gym, letters from the uni etc. B didn’t say much at the time other than it’s really difficult naming babies and Layla was a lovely name. It was just a brief conversation.

Last night, A sent me a text warning me that B is thinking of going to management because she was very unhappy with our conversation as she has two adult children with the same first initial and she didn’t like my comments on their lives being a nightmare. What????? Firstly, I did know she had a son and a daughter but I didn’t know their names had the same initial. secondly, my point about post getting mixed up wouldn’t be relevant as her children’s would be addressed Mr and Miss? A tried to defend me and say I didn’t mean it how she’s taken it but B is adamant about her taking this further as she “won’t be bullied in the workplace by anyone”. 8

I am so so embarrassed at the thought of her going to our manager. I absolutely love my job and they’ve been so flexible allowing me to work part time, chose days and hours etc. I’m trying to be rational and think my manager wouldn’t jump the gun without speaking to me but today’s not my working day so I’m panicking that when I get back B will have told her side and her mind will be made up. Not that my manager has ever given me any indication that he wouldn’t treat any issue with fairness I just feel so worked up.

If you were the manager after talking to both of us you would see this for what it is and not take it further?
YABU - this is workplace bullying
YANBU - this is a misunderstanding and not workplace bullying

What a dipstick. I have met certain people over the years and have been left wondering how they ever made it past primary school age!!
I doubt your management will think this is a problem, unless your colleague decides to add a bit more dramatic licence to the story!!

Mortified for her. What a complete dick. Agree with others - she is the bully and is projecting and creating drama here. Whatever her reasons, consider it none of your business and give her a wide berth.

What an absolute twat. Sounds like you’ve hit a raw nerve here. Incidentally my DF and DB have the same initials and it caused exactly the same problems you mention in your OP, and their post kept getting muddled up until DB moved out.

You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and she sounds unhinged. Let her crack on and complain if that’s what she wants to do. It won’t be taken seriously and she’ll just get herself a well-deserved reputation as a troublemaker

She’s weird and doesn’t like you / is threatened by your ability at work and trying to drag you down. Watch your back OP! And as other posters have said keep your own records of what she does and on what date because you may well find yourself in 6-12 months having to bring an actual bullying issue to HR.

She’s going to look very stupid and high maintenance reporting this conversation though. Of course it wasn’t bullying.

Pretty funny thet she turned out to have kids wirh same initial though. Classic 🤦‍♀️🤣🤦‍♀️

She will look like a loon. And I would have said the same, I used to work at the library and phoning about requested books was tricky when they had two children with the same initial. Even trickier when they were twins and thus had the same DOB :o

What’s the voting result so far? For some reason when I vote (YANBU obv) it never shows me the results.

Ahhhh she's a mad scone. They will laugh her out of HR.

@SingToTheSky 99% :)

She (or possibly A, actually) are stirring the pot. Keep your distance and don't say anything about this to management unless approached on it. At which point you remain that clear you didn't know her kids were called Henry and Herbert so there was definitely no personal intent in what you said. It was practical advice based on your own experience. Nothing will come of this so don't worry. She's just showing her colours as a troublemaker.

She’s a bonkers drama llama.

As an aside my adult neighbours and their three kids all have names beginning with the same letter. So all 5 are same initial and same surname. I do think the post must be confusing. Like the Kardashians.

[quote Satingreenshutters]@SingToTheSky 99% :)[/quote]
Thanks! :o

There’s two likely possibilities

1. this what she’s like
2. she’s overly sensitive because she has experienced workplace bullying in the past Either way I wouldn’t get into chit chat around her and keep things strictly about work. Management will likely have to investigate if a complaint is made but I would expect if you explain you had no idea it would cause any offence and were giving a personal perspective of a specific scenario but that you are mortified it was taken offensively and will ensure it doesn’t happen again, that it will blow over.

@Scianel

She sounds like the bully here.

She definitely looks like a bully.

Keep the text from A.

B sounds deranged and dangerous.

If your manager does contact you, remain calm, tell the truth, but you would have EVERY right to feel very upset as someone clearly wanting to cause trouble for you in the workplace.

Do not be intimidated by her.

Thank goodness you have A as a witness.

Good grief that's some stretch. You were speaking to A about your own personal experience in the past. You were neither speaking to B nor about B and you had no knowledge about B's family situation.

She's 'thinking about going to management'. She's just trying to put you on the back foot and make you worried. I doubt that she is actually going to do it, it's just a threat. Do a quick summary of the conversation and email A to see if she agrees that that is what you said. Keep the email just in case but otherwise let it drop. She wants you to be on the defensive, so be cool and unconcerned.

Let her do it, she’s an idiot as no way is that bullying, it’s a very simple truthful comment

Now you are warned of the type of person she is, I wouldn’t have anything to do with her moving forward

Not only does she not know what the word bullying means she's totally bonkers

If it was me I wouldn't have any further conversation with her

Not in any way bullying - I wouldn't give it any headspace OP. You'll be fine.

B sounds rather hard work though...

I agree that A may be stirring the pot too and happily setting up you and B to be adversaries.

Don't utter a word about the complaint unless directly asked by someone senior then stick to the facts you've outlined here. If pushed highly doubtful comment that you were never treated like this about speculative friendly conversations before maternity leave and you wonder if there's a connection (thereby subtly throwing a discrimination cat amongst the pigeons for them to consider).

Let her do it...she will look like a complete fool.

But I would say from now on be very careful around this person and make sure you communicate with her by email if you need to raise a work issue in the future so you have a record and she can't twist your words. Sounds like a trouble-maker...

I wouldn't be that trusting of A either. She could have been giving you a heads up. But there is no guarantee that she is telling the truth. She could be stirring. B obviously knows A well enough to confide in her apparently.

With both of them, I'd discuss nothing but work related things in future with an occasional comment about the weather.

This is hearsay. You have no idea whether B actually said any of this. Keep A's text and make a note of your conversation with dates, other people present etc, and then do nothing.

You said nothing wrong. It's a perfectly legitimate point of view. B is allowed to take dislike it. And that's where it ends.

She’s the bully and pretty unhinged
Let her report you so everyone can see what a loon she is and know to avoid her

Haha, she’s mad! Just let her get on with it, it will be laughed off and dismissed straight away.

Let her take that to HR.

They will have one of those MN moments, but in real life. B will show them exactly who she is... and if they have any sense they will literally mark her card!

She’s bonkers!!