To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

@poetryandwine

You sound lovely and intelligent, *@godmum56*. I am sorry for the death of your DH and especially sorry you are having to deal with posters of apparently limited imagination and intelligence, no matter their jobs

thank you :) ....TBH I don't really care about the opinions of those who seem to belive that their life experience is the only one that is valid or understandable. It seems to me to be one of the sadder parts of MN....don't eat vegetables? you are obviously immature and unhealthy In a partnership without a paid job? well you are either a gold digger or downtrodden and abused and nothing you do has any social value.....I post on these kind of threads to try to give people an insight into other ways of being. Not better, not worse, just other.

[quote godmum56]@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor
"I always wonder on threads like this how people will cope when they retire."

just fine thank you. I'd be better if my husband hadn't died though.[/quote]
Sorry for your loss.

I haven’t read the whole thread but I think the experiences of this would be very different depending on set-up eg:

• one (or two) very rich people where work wasn’t necessary
• sahp that never goes back to work (my mum)
• early retirement
• those forced to leave work for I’ll-health.

I don’t think it did my mum any favours. She ended up having a very insular life with a lack of purpose once we’d grown up. I’d love to not work. I’d do studying, volunteering, exercise and loads of stuff to keep busy.

I think our lives would be infinitely less stressful if I didn’t work and was a sahm instead but my head says working in sensible .

I do question when people say the house takes up most of the day. I reckon I could stretch things out for the first few months with paint jobs, cupboard organising etc but really a house without kids shouldn’t be getting in a state that requires constant housework.

@CurtainTroubles

Hilarious that some people are claiming renewing insurance, booking tables in restaurants and buying birthday presents is equivalent of a full time job. That stuff literally takes 1-2 hours per month. The rest of us quite easily manage that alongside working and raising children.

If you want to stay at home and have an easy life then just own it. Don’t try and claim it’s hard or busy.

I made a similar comment and I've been accused of being bitter, jealous, rude and had my messages read through (perhaps that also counts as a full time job nowadays?)

I get that some people are fortunate enough to not have to work. And good for them. My point is that I don't buy the justification that this allowing them to take the bins out once a week is vital for the health and wellbeing of both involved.

If you're unemployed and live solely on the money your husband earns, then own it. But you can't convince me in the same way that you've convinced yourselves.

I get that some people are fortunate enough to not have to work. And good for them. My point is that I don't buy the justification that this allowing them to take the bins out once a week is vital for the health and wellbeing of both involved.

Again, I don’t think anyone has claimed that it is.

Is it ok if im employed and live solely on the money my husband earns?

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.

I wouldn’t say that was “lovely” or “enviable”, but we are all different!

@RufustheFloralmissingreindeer

Is it ok if im employed and live solely on the money my husband earns?

This is how the grandmothers on both sides of my family lived. It was "pin money". And my grandfathers were not middle class or high earners.

[quote Abigail12345654321]@Snoozer11

Having read your posts I don’t think you can comprehend being wealthy and having a very large house with a significant amount of land attached and an active social life that contributes significantly to your wealth. If you did, you might understand the importance of those tasks being done well.

And I’m afraid you do sound horribly bitter and snide - your need to put other women down is palpable.[/quote]
No, I'm not married to a wealthy man. Nor am I wealthy myself.

I have no problem with women living however they please. I can appreciate that there are a handful of wives of important men for whom socialising is networking and important to their standing in their social circle - but these Emily Gilmore types are rare.

My issue comes with the haughty women who sit at home drinking cups of coffee all day but claim to have an unpaid fulltime job because they logged on to their online banking and saw the direct debits were withdrawn as expected and add it to the other list of mundane everyday tasks that they have sacrificed their time to be responsible for.

The level of defensiveness on this thread to any one who dares to think that booking a dentist appointment isn't worthy of counting towards a full time job just kind of proves how flimsy these excuses are.

If you're happy then that's great. Live your life.

Hi, @Snoozer11 -

In my mum’s circle there are many full time homemakers, now elderly, of a generation and demographic (‘comfortable’) expected to facilitate the lives of their husbands and children. Yes there was plenty of time for tennis and charity lunches, but I don’t recognise either the life of leisure or the haughtiness you describe.

Some were happier than others about all of this, a few eventually broke out in one way or another. But they have brought a fair amount of good and little harm to the world and I am proud to know them. My own choices have been very different but I am tired of the scorn

Snoozer11

loveliesbleeding1
Snoozer11
Who died and made you queen of what’s fine or not? Ask my Husband if I’m a scrounged,and he’ll tell you I’m more than worth it!
Ok hun.
Great comeback, I bet that took you a long time to come up with.

If you're unemployed and live solely on the money your husband earns, then own it. But you can't convince me in the same way that you've convinced yourselves.

Convince you of what? Why does anyone need to convince you of anything? Do you think the working women who post need to convince you about their situations too?
Aside from a couple of very skint years in the beginning we've lived solely off my husbands wage regardless of whether I worked or not. If I went back to work tomorrow my wage would simply add to our savings.
Me being at home makes my life easier, and it makes life easier for other people in the family. It's not essential but it's a more relaxed and happy life than we had when I worked and I no longer feel like a maid or a martyr.

In fairness, I think that far from working themselves into an early grave, a man with a housewife is likely to be far better looked after and have a far easier time of it than his female co worker

This

@Snoozer11

The words that you use to describe those who choose differently from you are pejorative: haughty, worthy.

I have no idea if your ire comes from a place of jealousy or just a lack of understanding of the choices of others, either way, your language is dismissive and quite rude, and a sweeping generalisation of a swathe of women.

Why do (some) women find it necessary to knock other women down to bloster their own choices?

I have been a high flyer, a sahp and a carer. I used all those different times to make choices to make my life productive, and I enjoyed all of those phases of life. Incidentally, to facilitate my career my DH went part time to cover childcare at one point in our marriage.

So, having had a foot in both camps, working and non working I would say that if you have the imagination and drive to hold down a reasonable job then you have to employ the same talents to construct a non (paid) working life.

You need hobbies, routine, learning opportunities, volunteering, social engagments, and management abilities to organise tasks. It can be, and it is for me, very enjoyable, with zero stress and the ability to do almost exactly as I please on a day to day basis.

Each to their own, but knocking down the choices of others is quite sad and certainly not conducive to feminism or the sisterhood. Quite frankly, it bolsters the Patriarchy.

knocking down the choices of others is quite sad and certainly not conducive to feminism or the sisterhood. Quite frankly, it bolsters the Patriarchy

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@Blossomtoes @CheltenhamLady

Why am I obliged to agree with and have to support all women's choices just because they are women? There are a lot of women who do things I disagree with - how crazy that I shouldn't question their decisions just because we belong to the same sex.

If we use your logic then we might as well just all politely smile and nod at each other since all women's choices must be okay, right?

Also I would question which bolsters the patriarchy more - women who dare to challenge some things that other women do or women who enable men to give them more power?

[quote Waferbiscuit]**@Blossomtoes* @CheltenhamLady*

Why am I obliged to agree with and have to support all women's choices just because they are women? There are a lot of women who do things I disagree with - how crazy that I shouldn't question their decisions just because we belong to the same sex.

If we use your logic then we might as well just all politely smile and nod at each other since all women's choices must be okay, right?[/quote]
Like you, I dislike relativism. I do believe that some choices are better or worse than others.

However, I support the freedom and right for people to make their own choices.

That includes women’s right to choose to work or not if her circumstances allow it.

@Waferbiscuit, where does it end though?

I agree, there are some choices made by both men and women which are unsupportable.

However, if you single out choices such as women not working because they don't need to work, or have commitments which mean they feel best suited within a partnership or marriage to stay at home, then imo you are on dangerous ground.

Is part time workig ok in your book?
Is having a child ok?
Is not having a child ok?
Is a man working part time ok?
Is a househusband an acceptable role?
Is caring an acceptable role?

Why would you not support, or at least not openly denigrate, valid personal life choices? Collectively, the vast majority of women and men work outside the home in some capacity. However, there are some women (and men) who choose not to do so and have the means to effect that lifestyle.

Why does it bother you?
How does it affect you?
How do you feel it affects society as a whole?
Is it always a negative thing (in your eyes) not to be in paid work?

I am sure you have considered all the above, but your thoughts would be interesting.

I once took almost a year off work and lived off my savings.

"Bored shitless" was the very last thing I was . Instead I was well rested because nothing kept me awake at night and healthier/stronger because my daily activites involved much more physical movement then my job does.

I wouldn't like to rely on anyone else but I do envy people who can choose how they want to spend their every day.

Of course, we are not obliged to support all women's choices. Just as we are not obliged to support all mother's choices for their children as well.
Otherwise, we get into a ridiculous situation of saying no we shouldn't criticise a mother who hits her children.
Not all choices are equal. A lot of choices no one else really cares about. Work full-time, part-time, not at all. But don't pretend that being a housewife without kids is a full-time job and absolutely essential to your husband's wellbeing. You just sound like one of those surrendered Christian wives.

But don't pretend that being a housewife without kids is a full-time job and absolutely essential to your husband's wellbeing. You just sound like one of those surrendered Christian wives.

I don’t think anyone on here is pretending that.

Is running a house with school age children a full time job?

This has been a long thread but did many people claim that being a sah partner in a childless house kept them as busy as if they were working ft and still had the house to maintain? Although if they are doing lots of cooking from scratch, growing their own veg and keeping chickens, I can easily see how it might be equivalent to a ft job. Probably majority aren't doing all that though.

I also don't recall it being said that this was essential to anyone's husband's well-being, only that some couples had easier, more chilled and therefore happier lives because they chose that lifestyle.

@Monopolyiscrap

Of course, we are not obliged to support all women's choices. Just as we are not obliged to support all mother's choices for their children as well. Otherwise, we get into a ridiculous situation of saying no we shouldn't criticise a mother who hits her children. Not all choices are equal. A lot of choices no one else really cares about. Work full-time, part-time, not at all. But don't pretend that being a housewife without kids is a full-time job and absolutely essential to your husband's wellbeing. You just sound like one of those surrendered Christian wives.

Has anyone actually said that? Or are you extrapolating?

Lots of women going on about how much their husband appreciates everything they do for them as a housewife.