Page 37 | To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

crochetmonkey74 · 2022-02-02T07:28:52+00:00

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies. I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine) Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

Snoozer11 · 05/02/2022 15:27

[quote HelloFrostyMorning]@Snoozer11 the bitterness and jealousy and ire is oooozing out of your posts.[/quote]
I'm not bitter at all - I have a job and an education. Oh, and I'm not lazy.

I can't think of anywhere else where people could justify "dealing with tradesmen", "maintaining household appliances", "Christmas shopping" and "paying bills" as a full time job!

We all would love a lifestyle where we can relax, eat good food, go to the spa all day etc. But it's outrageous that anyone can be so selfish to allow themselves this life while their husband works himself into an early grave so they can have it.

Have some respect for yourselves!

Snoozer11 · 05/02/2022 15:28

@loveliesbleeding1

Snoozer11 Who died and made you queen of what’s fine or not? Ask my Husband if I’m a scrounged,and he’ll tell you I’m more than worth it!

Ok hun.

Luckytobeahousewife · 05/02/2022 15:28

Anyone who thinks it is easier than having a job you like is IMO mistaken though I disagree with the vibe of a few posts that a woman of substance needs a job to keep from being bored.

I was in a desirable job for a long time until DH became seriously ill and retired to begin a long gruelling treatment. His surgeon asked whether I had given any thought to retiring with him and quick research showed odds were he would only live a year or so. I took the hint.

Well, he is still here and healthy over a year later but of course it was the right decision. It is hard! I have a PhD and can still do some research. I have picked up some new interests and a major voluntary job. We eat better, have a healthier lifestyle, do more culturally and generally live more gracefully.

But my friends still work. I am too young for a pension, and it feels weird to rely wholly on DH’s although we have always pooled finances and he is fine with it.

Without employment you have to structure your own life. If you want to keep your mind and body in shape and contribute to the world, it isn’t so easy. But I don’t understand why the thought of doing so would drive anyone crazy as several PPs have said.

CheltenhamLady · 05/02/2022 15:42

@Snoozer11

This post from you.

I'm not bitter at all - I have a job and an education. Oh, and I'm not lazy.

I can't think of anywhere else where people could justify "dealing with tradesmen", "maintaining household appliances", "Christmas shopping" and "paying bills" as a full time job!

We all would love a lifestyle where we can relax, eat good food, go to the spa all day etc. But it's outrageous that anyone can be so selfish to allow themselves this life while their husband works himself into an early grave so they can have it.

Have some respect for yourselves! *

Wow, just wow.

Snoozer11 · 05/02/2022 15:48

I take on all the emotional workload - I organise birthday presents and special meals for us and our families; I do the household finances; I flag up necessary appointments and tasks (like renewing insurance or booking dental appointments etc); deal with any outside issues (like calling the council or dealing with warranties etc)

Each to their own, but calling this a "workload" is what gets to me.

Phoning a restaurant to book a table, withdrawing cash from an ATM machine and shopping online is hardly a full time job.

By all means do it if it makes you happy. But done over egg it and claim it's all "unpaid work" and vital.

A lot of posters here are claiming it's what their husband wants, but is it? If you're living the Life of Riley you're hardly going to want your way of life disputed.

I wonder how these posters would react to their working partner losing their job?

I know one woman who chose not to work. Her husband lost his job and had to move to have a hope of getting something else. Wife wasn't happy with the move and gave him an ultimatum. He's now had to leave the amazing job he had after a few short months, completely destroying his 25 year career and professional reputation in the process. They moved back to where they were before, where he's earning peanuts compared to what he was and she's now reluctantly had to take a part time job. I think she finds the whole thing humiliating.

5128gap · 05/02/2022 15:50

In fairness, I think that far from working themselves into an early grave, a man with a housewife is likely to be far better looked after and have a far easier time of it than his female co worker.

godmum56 · 05/02/2022 15:53

@Snoozer11

I take on all the emotional workload - I organise birthday presents and special meals for us and our families; I do the household finances; I flag up necessary appointments and tasks (like renewing insurance or booking dental appointments etc); deal with any outside issues (like calling the council or dealing with warranties etc)

Each to their own, but calling this a "workload" is what gets to me.

Phoning a restaurant to book a table, withdrawing cash from an ATM machine and shopping online is hardly a full time job.

By all means do it if it makes you happy. But done over egg it and claim it's all "unpaid work" and vital.

A lot of posters here are claiming it's what their husband wants, but is it? If you're living the Life of Riley you're hardly going to want your way of life disputed.

I wonder how these posters would react to their working partner losing their job?

I know one woman who chose not to work. Her husband lost his job and had to move to have a hope of getting something else. Wife wasn't happy with the move and gave him an ultimatum. He's now had to leave the amazing job he had after a few short months, completely destroying his 25 year career and professional reputation in the process. They moved back to where they were before, where he's earning peanuts compared to what he was and she's now reluctantly had to take a part time job. I think she finds the whole thing humiliating.

been there done that but it didn't happen. we would have had to downsize the house but apart from that could have managed on my full time wages and I knew I could get a job....but TBH DH was continually being headhunted so not a real risk.

godmum56 · 05/02/2022 15:54

@Snoozer11

I take on all the emotional workload - I organise birthday presents and special meals for us and our families; I do the household finances; I flag up necessary appointments and tasks (like renewing insurance or booking dental appointments etc); deal with any outside issues (like calling the council or dealing with warranties etc)

Each to their own, but calling this a "workload" is what gets to me.

Phoning a restaurant to book a table, withdrawing cash from an ATM machine and shopping online is hardly a full time job.

By all means do it if it makes you happy. But done over egg it and claim it's all "unpaid work" and vital.

A lot of posters here are claiming it's what their husband wants, but is it? If you're living the Life of Riley you're hardly going to want your way of life disputed.

I wonder how these posters would react to their working partner losing their job?

I know one woman who chose not to work. Her husband lost his job and had to move to have a hope of getting something else. Wife wasn't happy with the move and gave him an ultimatum. He's now had to leave the amazing job he had after a few short months, completely destroying his 25 year career and professional reputation in the process. They moved back to where they were before, where he's earning peanuts compared to what he was and she's now reluctantly had to take a part time job. I think she finds the whole thing humiliating.

yes it was what he wanted.....joint decision.

Snoozer11 · 05/02/2022 16:04

@godmum56 and if he hadn't wanted it? It's always framed as a joint decision but in reality it often tends to be more of an ultimatum.

CurtainTroubles · 05/02/2022 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

CounsellorTroi · 05/02/2022 16:16

If you want to stay at home and have an easy life then just own it. Don’t try and claim it’s hard or busy.

Not sure anyone has claimed that.

Mummytobe93 · 05/02/2022 16:26

Each to their own - I couldn’t do that. I’m self employed, and as a business owner I’m always thinking of ways to expand my business. I love it and feel fulfilled in my job.

Housekeeping is a job too, trust me - I’ve done it, full time and was paid for it. The household included animals and two children though. I left after couple of years, I started getting anxiety and depression and felt like I was missing out on my life, my plans and ambitions. I dreamt of being a “rich man” instead of working for one 😉

There’s nothing wrong in either working professionally or being a housekeeper. It’s simply not for me.

But I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE my DH to be stay at home dad once we have our DC Once my income is enough to pay for a family of 4, a dog and a cat, and a roof over our head it is happening (and my hubby is fully on board haha). It’s my idea of haven to come home to a lovely tea, clean house and an empty washing basket😍😂

randomiser · 05/02/2022 16:49

Er.., who has actually said that booking restaurants etc etc is a full-time job?

Answer = Nobody. But hey, don’t let that hold you back! Just make things up in your own head.

poetryandwine · 05/02/2022 16:50

Every marriage is unique. Knowing how much more gracefully we live now I can see the lifestyle advantages of having a partner in the home or both partners in part time work. There are many good ways to fill your days and I am with those who say feminism is about choice

Not saying that is a goal for all, or that we would have chosen it without DH’s health crisis (above post). But I am becoming angry on behalf of those women who made this choice and are being regarded as less intelligent or virtuous than we made other choices

Aderyn21 · 05/02/2022 17:01

Snoozer there are plenty of shitty partners with ft jobs. Just because you know one horrible woman who didn't have a job, it's a hell of a leap to think all sah wives are the same.

And you know for a fact that's it's nearly always an ultimatum for one partner to sah, do you? That's a hell of a sweeping statement too!

I don't claim that I'm as busy as if I was doing a ft job, although when my dc were younger I was. But that's kind of the point, I don't want to be as busy and full on as a person who works ft and still has a home and family to take care of. That's not to say I'm lounging around all day eating bonbons either. I'm still busy, just not more busy than I want to be. And because of this joint decision, dh isn't either!

mizzo · 05/02/2022 17:07

A lot of posters here are claiming it's what their husband wants, but is it? If you're living the Life of Riley you're hardly going to want your way of life disputed.

I wonder how these posters would react to their working partner
losing their job?

I'd be delighted, he'd move retirement plans forward so I'd get to spend more time with him.

randomiser · 05/02/2022 17:08

“ It's always framed as a joint decision but in reality it often tends to be more of an ultimatum.”

And you know this how exactly?

Have you conducted a national survey? Or is this yet another ‘fact’ they only exists in your head? Who is giving who the great ‘ultimatum’ by the way?

godmum56 · 05/02/2022 17:41

[quote Snoozer11]@godmum56 and if he hadn't wanted it? It's always framed as a joint decision but in reality it often tends to be more of an ultimatum.[/quote]
Then we would have done something else.....what a silly question

Abigail12345654321 · 05/02/2022 17:43

@thecatsthecats
If you had the authority to sack the CEO, you were already in a more powerful position than him. Sounds like you used that power!

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 05/02/2022 17:45

hellofrostymorning

Im not letting a bunch of randoms on the internet affect how i feel about my life choices…or my husbands

Anyone who comes up with the phases in your last post are obviously incredibly sad people

And when i made my comment about attacks the other way i wasn’t referring to this thread but I should have clarified that

💐

LondonQueen · 05/02/2022 17:46

I hate this term and the idea of it

Abigail12345654321 · 05/02/2022 17:48

@Snoozer11

Having read your posts I don’t think you can comprehend being wealthy and having a very large house with a significant amount of land attached and an active social life that contributes significantly to your wealth. If you did, you might understand the importance of those tasks being done well.

And I’m afraid you do sound horribly bitter and snide - your need to put other women down is palpable.

godmum56 · 05/02/2022 17:49

PS to elucidate.....we had known each other since we were both at school....council house kids who passed the 11 plus....I wasn't a WAG on the catch for a rich man. We were in the habit of planning our joint life. Both our careers took us to places we had never imagined and we planned together to make the best of our options. Some of that planning meant that I didn't work in a paid job for various reasons for quite long periods....I find your unfounded statement that "Its always framed as a joint decision" quite crazy.

poetryandwine · 05/02/2022 18:02

You sound lovely and intelligent, @godmum56. I am sorry for the death of your DH and especially sorry you are having to deal with posters of apparently limited imagination and intelligence, no matter their jobs

godmum56 · 05/02/2022 18:03

@poetryandwine

Every marriage is unique. Knowing how much more gracefully we live now I can see the lifestyle advantages of having a partner in the home or both partners in part time work. There are many good ways to fill your days and I am with those who say feminism is about choice

Not saying that is a goal for all, or that we would have chosen it without DH’s health crisis (above post). But I am becoming angry on behalf of those women who made this choice and are being regarded as less intelligent or virtuous than we made other choices

thank you I agree