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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/02/2022 05:41

I don’t agree with all of my Mum’s life choices or decisions. But I’m not going to cry about them.

It sounds as if you haven’t grasped the fact that she has grown up, left home and is making her own decisions for herself.

You do not control her. You may not like the tattoos but they are her choice and way of expressing herself. Please respect that.

anon12345678901 · 01/02/2022 05:42

[quote TamTamChew]@GADDay

I just worry about what her mental state would be to do that and also the kind of men who would be interested in her and what they’d associate all the tattoos with. Young women who seem troubled are more likely to attract users and guys who are sexually weird and this is like a neon sign to them.[/quote]
What a load of shit. This is ridiculous if it's what you actually believe.

HarlanPepper · 01/02/2022 05:44

@TamTamChew where do you live, out of interest? Tattoos are pretty ubiquitous most places these days, and aren't really associated with any kind of "lifestyle" My own lifestyle as a heavily tattooed woman is: middle-aged teetotal mother of two. I like cooking, baking and hillwalking on the weekends.

Askyfullofkindness · 01/02/2022 05:47

I have tattoos but now I’m a parent I can empathise with how you feel. When you look at her you probably just picture her as a your tiny pristine baby and now she is covered in art. I get that.
Feel your feelings but don’t let them dominate your perception of her or interfere with your relationship with her. As parents our children will make choices we don’t agree with - guidance and acceptance are key.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/02/2022 05:48

Heavily tattooed woman here, zero MH issues. Quite a boring life really as I'm a single parent so I'm at home most of the time. Usually attract men with tattoos themselves, shockingly. Or older conservative married men who seem to find them interesting but I think their wives are the ones with the problem there, not me.

MumGoneMild · 01/02/2022 05:51

@Nandakanda

I think they look absolutely awful - so unattractive, especially on women.

All this nonsense about self-expression. What do they express exactly?

Why do we have to look attractive at all times?

NorthGirlie · 01/02/2022 05:53

I hate them too. They look bloody awful. I’d be in the same state as you.

UnsuitableHat · 01/02/2022 05:56

YANBU, and you're completely entitled to your feelings. Obvs nothing you can do about it though. I imagine you'll get used to it over time.

AuntyClem · 01/02/2022 05:57

Querying her mental state? Attracting the wrong men? Worrying “what else she’s into”? I’m not into tattoos but some of the reactions on here are insane.

PinkSyCo · 01/02/2022 05:58

You don’t need to like her tattoos but you do need to grow up. Crying over them is just pathetic. Be happy that she’s happy, healthy and hasn’t done anything actually bad.

garlictwist · 01/02/2022 05:58

I agree that tattoos look shit but the good news is they're not on your arm - they're on hers. And therefore nothing to do with you. She's a grown adult and can make her own choices. I suggest you keep quiet and get over it.

Cocogreen · 01/02/2022 06:21

@AuntyClem

Querying her mental state? Attracting the wrong men? Worrying “what else she’s into”? I’m not into tattoos but some of the reactions on here are insane.

Agree with you! I feel some posters here have time travelled from a time when only sailors and soldiers and criminals were tattooed. It's 2022, not 1952.

speakout · 01/02/2022 06:23

I don;t like them either OP, my 22 to DD has one, but thankfully small, in a place tha is not often exposed.
I otally understand the whole thing about perfect skinned little infants, it's quite a gut reaction when your child gets a tattoo.
I wouldn't like if my DD or DS became heavily tattooed, but that would be my problem, not theirs. I don'.t have to love the tattoos, but within my control to accept them, and respect their right to have them.

You don't have control over this situation, you do have control over your reaction to it.

OverByYer · 01/02/2022 06:25

I’d feel the same. I don’t like tattoos. My son has one small one , discreetly placed but I’d be gutted if he had a sleeve etc;
I see lots of young women with them and sorry but most of them look awful and agree OP if it was my daughter I’d be upset too.

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 01/02/2022 06:26

My Vicar has full sleeves, some of you lot would be horrified. 🤣

mizzo · 01/02/2022 06:26

I really surprised myself with how I felt when DC1 got a tattoo.
DH was the one who was dead against it and I was more "it's your body, just think it through and go somewhere reputable".
However when DD showed me I felt really sad, and I didn't like it at all. It was just so jarring to see, it looks ugly and dirty to me. I'm pleased she didn't choose somewhere where it's visible all the time.

neverornow · 01/02/2022 06:27

I agree with you OP. I am hoping the tattoo trend dies soon. I expect there will be a lot of regret down the line.

grafittiartist · 01/02/2022 06:28

I felt the same when my husband got one! Made me sad that he had changed his body somehow.
I know it's his call btw.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/02/2022 06:32

I don't really get the whole "they'll look awful when you're 70" thing. When I'm 70 and retired why would I be bothered about that?

Hadharra · 01/02/2022 06:33

@DearlyBeloathed

Very few people on these threads can express their personal dislike for tattoos without resorting to being rude as fuck and it's so draining. Frankly, I think judgement of something that's nothing to do with you is ugly, common and trashy

Fucking depressing isn't it. Luckily, I only ever see this sort of BS on here, and not in real life.

Yes but would you actually wanna hang out with any of these judgy as fuck people? God no. So who cares.

Hadharra · 01/02/2022 06:36

[quote TamTamChew]@GADDay

7eleven · 01/02/2022 06:36

@CaptainCabinets

I love playing snob bingo on these threads

So far we’ve had devastation, defacement, links to mental ill health (what a load of shit), looking bad on ageing skin, ‘chav’ and common. Excellent work

OP, get a grip. You don’t own your adult daughter and nobody has fucking died.

Absolutely and I’d like to add “I ‘created’ this person; therefore I own them.”

DaisyWaldron · 01/02/2022 06:38

This thread is making me want a tattoo.

ByMyName · 01/02/2022 06:38

OP I hate tattoos and I totally get where you are coming from. It doesn’t matter if your child is 16 or 26, she is still your child.

However she is an adult who is allowed to make her own choices, what you may not approve of. So, there is nothing that you can unfortunately. I really feel for you though.

Pleasebeafleabite · 01/02/2022 06:39

Career limiting I’m afraid

HCPs OK but no go for climbing the corporate ladder

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