Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 01/02/2022 04:36

As politely as I can OP - get a grip, and keep your feelings on this to yourself.

Your daughters tattoos are a part of who she is, if you express the opinion that they are horrible, ruining her, whatever... you are saying those things about an intrinsic part of HER.

YANBU to feel however you feel, those are your emotions - YABU if you tell her or let her know.

For the rest of you..

'They'll look awful when you're older'... So what, the rest of me won't be looking too hot at 70/80/whatever, should I seriously base every decision I make now on what others may think of me in 30/40/50 years time?

'They make you look common/cheap/chavvy/unnattractive' - your opinion on my appearance is your problem, not mine. I don't plan how I look to please or attract others - but thankyou for revealing what a shallow and judgemental person you are.

'You'll regret it when you're older ' - I think when I am older I will be grateful I lived a life free to make my own choices and had the health to live to BE old.

I am really glad i didn't listen to the latter in particular when I was 19 and getting my first tattoos. Turns out, I won't live to be old anyway! What a shame if I'd tippy toed about doing nothing that others might not like, or might look less than beautiful in my 80's, never daring to make a bold decision 'just in case'... and then found out my lifespan is likely to be 20+ years shorter than average!

Tarne · 01/02/2022 04:47

I absolutely hate them too, they are all look cheap and nasty and a lot don't tolerate the stretching that goes on in pregnancy and I told them all early on that they will be disinherited if they got one Grin

It's working well so far as they don't know whether or not I am joking Wink

Dita73 · 01/02/2022 04:50

YANBU. Not much you can do about it but I’d be absolutely devastated if my daughter did this. They’re bloody awful

AlDanvers · 01/02/2022 04:59

Yabu. Devastated is very over the top. Your dd has made a choice for herself. It's her body.

Its not your body, you do part own it. She is a person in her own right. I just can't grasp anyone being devastated over someone choosing to do something with their own body.

TamTamChew · 01/02/2022 05:00

Your not unreasonable. A few small tattoos is whatever but when someone covers up large areas of their skin it is completely unattractive, especially on a woman. I’d be very sad as a mother if my daughter covered up and defaced her beautiful skin.

I’d also start to worry what other kind of “lifestyle” she was interested in and what her mental state was like.

GADDay · 01/02/2022 05:04

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?
Erm. Nope. Some of us just like them. What a silly thing to say.
GADDay · 01/02/2022 05:05

@TamTamChew

Your not unreasonable. A few small tattoos is whatever but when someone covers up large areas of their skin it is completely unattractive, especially on a woman. I’d be very sad as a mother if my daughter covered up and defaced her beautiful skin.

I’d also start to worry what other kind of “lifestyle” she was interested in and what her mental state was like.

Especially on a woman Confused
Bladesofgreen · 01/02/2022 05:06

I don’t like them at all, and would be horrified and mortified at the same time.

You have my sympathy.

Strangely I once went with a friends unemployed sister, who was having tattoos removed at the Job Centres expense, from her hands, to help her become more employable, at a laser removal surgery, in the late 1980’s.

SquirrelG · 01/02/2022 05:07

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

Oh for goodness sake!!! Nearly everyone has a tattoo where I live (not the UK), I'm sure they aren't all "trying to come to terms with their feelings". Honestly, some people just like them,

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 01/02/2022 05:10

I really dislike the look of tattoos, however I wouldn't really care what a 26 year old did to herself. On her own head be it.

ABitBesottedWithMyDog · 01/02/2022 05:11

Devastated is a tiny bit OTT.

You're allowed to feel disappointed (as do I when DH returns from the hairdresser and he has had his lovely mane cut so severely he looks like an escaped convict or Tibetan monk) but it would be unkind in the extreme to express these feelings.

WutheringHeights66 · 01/02/2022 05:12

The OP is entitled to her opinion, I don’t like them either and was upset when DS had quite a few done at 18. He stopped after a while fortunately.

The OP is perfectly allowed to feel sad that her daughter is, in her opinion, spoiling her body. Presumably she came on MN to see if she was the only one, if her feelings were normal, not because she was going to have have it out with her 26 year old daughter.

I think they’re fugly as hell too, especially a full sleeve on either sex.

anon12345678901 · 01/02/2022 05:13

You're devastated? I'd be devastated if my child had cancer not just because he decided to get a tattoo. Some posters are so rude in how they speak about tattoos and that reflects worse on them, than a tattoo on someone does. As for your skin when it's older, sagging skin looks the same on everyone, regardless of tattoos or not.

A580Hojas · 01/02/2022 05:13

YA sort of NBU. I would hate it if my son or daughter defaced their (to my mind) perfect young bodies with tattoos. But "devastated" is definitely ott. There's so much worse that could happen.

GADDay · 01/02/2022 05:14

This thread is BONKERS.

I fucking love my tattoo. I think a great tattoo is like a piece of art.

I also think that some of you need to take a long hard look at yourselves because you are stuck in the wrong century.

We don't own our children, adult or otherwise. What they do as adults - is 150% fuck all to do with you. The judgement and catastrophising about defacement, poor judgement, cheap, nasty, ugly.

Fucking hell, some of you need to pop over into 2022. Its a riot!

Dentistlakes · 01/02/2022 05:16

YANBU op. I dislike tattoos and would be very upset if one of my children decided to have one. However, as an adult your daughter is entitled to do what she wants with her own body. Unfortunately you will just have to get used to the tattoos and accept them.

AlDanvers · 01/02/2022 05:17

@WutheringHeights66

The OP is entitled to her opinion, I don’t like them either and was upset when DS had quite a few done at 18. He stopped after a while fortunately.

The OP is perfectly allowed to feel sad that her daughter is, in her opinion, spoiling her body. Presumably she came on MN to see if she was the only one, if her feelings were normal, not because she was going to have have it out with her 26 year old daughter.

I think they’re fugly as hell too, especially a full sleeve on either sex.

Who said she wasn't allowed. She posted asking for opinions

In some people opinion. Her opinion is ridiculous. Very different to saying 'you can't have it'

She can think whatever she was wants and people are allowed an opinion on it, since she asked.

Cocogreen · 01/02/2022 05:24

I don't like tattoos either OP.
My son had a couple done ( upper arms so not conspicuous) but even if they were, he's 25, it's none of my business.
It's his body and his life not mine.
Are you worried it will reflect badly on you and your parenting?
It's nothing to do with that, I promise you.

Tarne · 01/02/2022 05:25

@gadday you seem very angry, I think tattoos are hilariously poor taste. But I do associate people with tattoos as angry, swear a lot, very judgemental and with chips on their shoulders about people who don't have them or want them.

Grin
Mirrorball2022 · 01/02/2022 05:26

@Bladesofgreen

I don’t like them at all, and would be horrified and mortified at the same time.

You have my sympathy.

Strangely I once went with a friends unemployed sister, who was having tattoos removed at the Job Centres expense, from her hands, to help her become more employable, at a laser removal surgery, in the late 1980’s.

I work in the NHS. One of my managers have a visible sleeve. They are a nurse originally and it’s never stopped them climbing the ladder to senior management. I should add plenty of the staff on my ward have visible tattoos. Times change. You may not like them but they won’t care. It doesn’t affect the care they give. Excellent HCPs.

It’s not the 80s it’s now 2022. Although with what I’ve just read on this thread you would think it was the 1940s there’s so much pearl clutching. Everyone is entitled to like what they like. But the judgemental stereotypical language used on here. Wow.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/02/2022 05:29

I'm heavily tattooed so I'm on your daughter's side. You're entitled not to like them of course, I think your reaction is a bit OTT though. They're not that big a deal.

I have finger and hand tattoos and I am employed! Many people at my work have tattoos, we aren't customer facing.

HarlanPepper · 01/02/2022 05:30

OP, there's quite a lot of daylight between feeling like you, and thinking you're the 'bitch mother from hell'. I'm in my forties and heavily tattooed, my mum stopped trying to find something nice to say about them a few years ago - and that's totally OK! I think she is, at the very least, a bit baffled/dismayed by how much coverage I've got. I think in her heart she probably does feel a bit like you do. I might be nearly middle-aged myself but I'm still her daughter and of course she's going to have opinions about what I do to my body. She just keeps them to herself.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/02/2022 05:32

It's funny how many MNers like to act as if they're kind, empathetic people but then it's fine to rip a tattooed person to pieces and say horrible things. It's fine not to like them but it's not fair game to attack someone's character. All it says is that you're a snob and not a nice person yourself. More judgemental than any tattooed person I know. I know who I'd rather be friends with.

TamTamChew · 01/02/2022 05:35

@GADDay

I just worry about what her mental state would be to do that and also the kind of men who would be interested in her and what they’d associate all the tattoos with. Young women who seem troubled are more likely to attract users and guys who are sexually weird and this is like a neon sign to them.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/02/2022 05:40

[quote TamTamChew]@GADDay

I just worry about what her mental state would be to do that and also the kind of men who would be interested in her and what they’d associate all the tattoos with. Young women who seem troubled are more likely to attract users and guys who are sexually weird and this is like a neon sign to them.[/quote]
Sorry, what year are we in? Never heard such a load of shit in my life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread