I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

[Choclover27]

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

Not sure and it does depend on the person to some extend

So you pick and choose which tattoos you find 'rough'?

If you go for an interview and you're perfect for the role but the interviewer catches a glimpse of an arm tattoo so they don't give you the job based on the tattoo? That isn't being discriminated against?

If there's other candidates just as right for the role but the interviewer goes with the one without tattoos because they don't like the look of those tattoos the candidate will never know...

I love my tats, however I did wait many months before telling my mum about one, as it's on my forearm and quite big. I've managed to hide it from my 95 year old nan for 3 years now.

I've also got another one recently on my back, the area chosen as it's easy to cover up. I've not told my mum about that one.

I'm 35 next month haha! She thinks they look common.

I'd be covered if I had the lady balls.

@Sparklingbrook

If you go for an interview and you're perfect for the role but the interviewer catches a glimpse of an arm tattoo so they don't give you the job based on the tattoo? That isn't being discriminated against?

If there's other candidates just as right for the role but the interviewer goes with the one without tattoos because they don't like the look of those tattoos the candidate will never know...

Oh right so that makes it ok then! Riiight. Same as if the person was in a wheelchair, a man, a different race? As long as the person never knows

Oh right so that makes it ok then! Riiight. Same as if the person was in a wheelchair, a man, a different race? As long as the person never knows

So fucked up, isn't it? I truly despair of these answers. Total fossils.

I sympathise. DD (24) already in the process of trying to eliminate hideous one she had when 22. Covering it with an even larger one. Both dcs have them, and when I remember changing the sheets every day because of chicken pox, and how despite severe infections we managed to get them both through without a single mark, it makes me sad. And the cost of going private to get a mole removed.
Absolutely nothing we can say or do.
But I think we are allowed to have thoughts.

I don't like tattoos, especially sleeves but at 26 you have to trust your child to make their own decisions and then live with the consequences. I would worry about her having regrets but I guess having a sleeve done means she's put a huge amount of thought into it, has considered whether or not she is likely to regret it and decided she won't?

I'd feel a bit sad in your place OP but would try not to overreact in front of her.

There are so many comments about how female brides look with tattoos.
Completely ignoring that a quick Google image search reveals that tattooed brides look pretty awesome actually, should we really be basing our lives as women based on how society says you should look on one day??

I’ve never fancied being a bride anyway.

@DearlyBeloathed

Oh right so that makes it ok then! Riiight. Same as if the person was in a wheelchair, a man, a different race? As long as the person never knows

So fucked up, isn't it? I truly despair of these answers. Total fossils.

Ridiculous. But hey, as long as we never know. We look dirty as well apparently. The more white you are!

I didn't get my tattoo for fashion. I got it because it meant something for me. Its not fashionable at all, but it is beautiful and perfectly encapsulates a time of my life that was very significant without being glaringly obvious what it means. If someone told me they didn't like it, thats up to them, I like it. Just as I like lots of things other people don't.

@tamtamchew
I had my first tattoo at 18, then my second two at 34 and one for my 42nd birthday - a few weeks ago. I love them all and yes, I wouldn't have chosen the one I chose at 18 now, but it's so much a part of me that I love it.

I'm nowadays a consultant in the (private!) education sector and have worked as an education journalist and teacher before that. Thankfully I seem to have lucked out with colleagues who judged me on my performance.

This thread is wild. My kids 7&11 are currently picking their Dad's first tattoo (he's 45!) and discussing what they will get, if they want one when they are old enough. I know very few people who don't have at least one these days.

Oh right so that makes it ok then! Riiight. Same as if the person was in a wheelchair, a man, a different race? As long as the person never knows

I never said it was ok, just stating a possible scenario where you wouldn't know if you didn't get the job because of tattoos or because you weren't the right person for the job. Unless everyone becomes a mind reader...

I think some of the more unkind comments are people who are able to let go more easily or who’s children are not perhaps old enough to make lifechanging decisions yet.

Or those ‘unkind’ posts are people who already have grown kids, who are attached to their kids just as much as anyone else is to theirs, but recognise and respect the fact that they are their own people with their own minds and that they could be doing a lot of worse things to themselves than getting tattoos.
Personally I think the unkind people are the one’s who judge people so harshly for doing something that harms no one and the one’s that blackmail-emotionally or monetary-their grown up kids into following their rules, and all because they worry what their friends and neighbours will think more than anything I bet.

@Sparklingbrook

Oh right so that makes it ok then! Riiight. Same as if the person was in a wheelchair, a man, a different race? As long as the person never knows

I never said it was ok, just stating a possible scenario where you wouldn't know if you didn't get the job because of tattoos or because you weren't the right person for the job. Unless everyone becomes a mind reader...

But by stating that, you are accepting that that happens. Instead of being outraged by it. You also said it wasn't discrimination, and it quite clearly is.

@BellatrixOnABadDay

You don’t need to want to look sweet but you need to appreciate that a tattoo changes your overall look so that people with tattoos come across differently to those who don’t. Which is interpreted by the pp who originally posted that comment as not sweet (I’m guessing worldly and not feminine?), and by me as rough.

So you're admitting that even now, in 2022, you judge people and base how they 'come across' on their appearance rather than their personality and how they treat you?

Well at least you're making it clear what your values are.

So many disingenuous posts! I mean, come on. If you choose to get a tattoo because you like the look and how it comes across, you can’t really complain that other people don’t like the look. Like it or not, lots of people find it ugly and a deliberate marring of the skin. But you chose to have it done, knowing that, so it’s a but much to act like it’s some kind of moral failing to notice a statement you’ve deliberately made! Sounds like wanting to have all the drama of the tattoo aesthetic but none of the downsides (which is that others find them ugly and/or sending a particular message).

It’s a teenage mindset, this “other people should accept my body art/mutilations as a statement but they’re not allowed not to like ten or make judgments!” When she was sixteen my sister had blue hair, tons of facial piercings and wore metal outfits, then complained that she couldn’t get a job working on the beauty counter at Boots. Eventually she grew out of this teenage drama and accepted that if she wanted to project a certain look in order to shock or look “alternative”, it didn’t mean that everyone had to ignore this when she felt like it.

I instinctively feel about tattoos the way I feel about tons of facial piercings or ear expanders - it’s body mutilation and it’s ugly, also very conformist to a particular “alternative” look. But people choose to do it partly for the anti-aesthetic of it and precisely so they get reactions like that - isn’t that the entire point?

Depending on your opinion tattoos are ugly but the deed is done now.

Now its time to move on and keep quiet about it otherwise you'll damage whatever relationship you have with her. If you created a fuss at the time there's a fair chance that's already happened and you need build bridges in a gentle way.

@DearlyBeloathed

Not sure and it does depend on the person to some extend

So you pick and choose which tattoos you find 'rough'?

I gave how I think my brain works it out. I don’t meet someone with a tattoo and consciously decide to perceive them a certain way.

Oh and I’m not a fossil, I’m 26.

YANBU, I think they look dreadful and it wouldn't stop me voicing my opinion either. She 26 and should be able to handle criticism.

That’s great. Just hope you’re mentally old enough to be able to handle the gobfull she would rightfully give you right back.

@BellatrixOnABadDay

You don’t need to want to look sweet but you need to appreciate that a tattoo changes your overall look so that people with tattoos come across differently to those who don’t. Which is interpreted by the pp who originally posted that comment as not sweet (I’m guessing worldly and not feminine?), and by me as rough.

So you're admitting that even now, in 2022, you judge people and base how they 'come across' on their appearance rather than their personality and how they treat you?

Well at least you're making it clear what your values are.

Literally everyone gets perceptions from people’s appearance. You can pretend that you don’t, but that’s literally how the human brain works.

You're 26 and THAT narrow-minded? Unusual.

Don't blame bet it looks bloody awful
What's wrong with ppl wanting look like that.

@foxgoosefinch there's a massive difference between finding tattoos ugly, and making judgements on someone's personality and how they come across because they have tattoos.

Fair enough if someone doesn't like how they look. But to make assumptions about someone's character and personality based on tattoos -calling someone 'rough' for example- is small minded. And old fashioned tbh.

[quote BellatrixOnABadDay]@foxgoosefinch there's a massive difference between finding tattoos ugly, and making judgements on someone's personality and how they come across because they have tattoos.

Fair enough if someone doesn't like how they look. But to make assumptions about someone's character and personality based on tattoos -calling someone 'rough' for example- is small minded. And old fashioned tbh. [/quote]
Exactly.

Nobody is saying everyone has to like tattoos, but making such crass assumptions is gross, outdated, and offensive.

Christ, it's like the nose piercing thread all over again.

All tattoos are tacky and common. IMO.

Literally everyone gets perceptions from people’s appearance. You can pretend that you don’t, but that’s literally how the human brain works.

But it's whether you then take time to consider again if your perception is fair or reasonable.