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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 01/02/2022 11:20

@PinkSyCo 😂 you said it much better than me.

Honestly though I was very nearly sick in my mouth. Can you imagine how these drama llamas would cope if their little princesses did actually hurt themselves or get ill? They’d probably be absolutely fucking useless!

TamTamChew · 01/02/2022 11:21

@User57327259

It’s common in weird sex cults like that NXVIM for the women to be tattooed or “branded” (always by some egotistical guy) as well and it’s just a more extreme version of that kind of thing. It’s sold to the brainwashed and foolish women as being fulfilling and making them special. Till it doesn’t make them feel special anymore, just small and scared.

Pyewhacket · 01/02/2022 11:21

YANBU, I think they look dreadful and it wouldn't stop me voicing my opinion either. She 26 and should be able to handle criticism.

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2022 11:22

There are very few if any, that will be in the small print. It's discrimination

No it isn't. And you can be fired for having a tattoo if it's not within the 'dress code'.

5keletor · 01/02/2022 11:23

WIBU to stop hiring anyone without tattoos? It shows a lack of creativity and serious need to conform, and I'm worried they'd start judging and frothing about anyone who didn't look like their ideal and cause drama in the workplace, or constantly need time off to recover from the news of a family member getting a tattoo.

😁

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/02/2022 11:24

The negative comments towards tattoos on this thread shows exactly what is wrong with society. Its ok not to like them, but to label people as mentally ill or bad people because of a tattoo is truly disgusting behaviour.

Depends on how you wear your tattoo I guess and what you are trying to say with it. You make choices in life as to how you present yourself to others. Some of those choices are temporary, hair colour, piercings, clothing, make up etc. Tattoos are permanent and again you are projecting a certain 'image' depending on what ink you have applied to yourself. I have seen some amazing tattoos in my time, however, many to me, just look bad and generally look worse over time as you age.

The blokes who hang out in a Chelsea supporters pub near me are covered in club insignia tattoos, the impression I get is that they are worn as both a badge of honour and as a 'fuck you' threat to others. Knowing the history of that clubs supporter base and the shit they got up to in the 70s and 80s I would judge negatively anyone of a certain age sporting ‘Chelsea Headhunter’ tattoos as they were closely aligned with Combat 18, National Front and other violent racist groups.

The Maori lads I used to play rugby with had amazing tattoos on their thighs, they were not just random 'on trend' artwork, they told a story, it reflected the individual's whakapapa (ancestry) and personal history (tribal and family).

I am more likely to label the former as 'bad' people and the latter as decent as their nature of their tattoos speaks volumes about their mindset.

DearlyBeloathed · 01/02/2022 11:25

Which is interpreted by the pp who originally posted that comment as not sweet (I’m guessing worldly and not feminine?), and by me as rough

Good. Hopefully those dinosaurs who think I look 'rough' will stay away then 😁

BellatrixOnABadDay · 01/02/2022 11:25

Honestly though I was very nearly sick in my mouth. Can you imagine how these drama llamas would cope if their little princesses did actually hurt themselves or get ill? They’d probably be absolutely fucking useless!

Agreed.

I'm really not one of the 'professionally offended' gang, but I do find the hyperbole about how devastated people would be be about a TATTOO really offensive. I have several close relatives who have had to watch their children suffer and die at young ages from cancer. That really is 'soul destroying'. They'd do anything to have their children alive and well and covered head to toe in tattoos!

Language is important at times- hyperbole and handwringing over tattoos when people have actual, horrendous, serious problems is really unpleasant to read.

Wheresthebeach · 01/02/2022 11:27

Yep I'd hate a sleeve too. Agree they are all the rage now. They will go out of fashion again.

Daenerys77 · 01/02/2022 11:27

You are definitely not a bitch mother and you are right, you do not have to like the tattoos or pretend to like them. Obviously it's your daughter's choice and there is nothing you can do, except perhaps start a little savings pot in case she needs a loan in about three years' time. I gather tattoo removal is not cheap.

Theimpossiblegirl · 01/02/2022 11:28

For those flinching when their precious baby is hurt, get a grip. I want grandchildren. Am I going to flinch because my daughter would have to have gone through labour? We don't own our children.

DearlyBeloathed · 01/02/2022 11:29

@grapewine

The "perfect skin" comments are so weird.
Isn't it just.

Actual weirdos.

CharSiu · 01/02/2022 11:29

All children will makes choices their parents don’t like. It’s fine that you hate them, I would but would not say anything. The time to interfere with adult children is if they are in danger of causing themselves significant harm.

Tattoos very occasionally look good but not often and few are great works of art, plus art is always subjective. I always wonder how they will look if that person reaches a great age.

I do find it especially odd that people have Chinese characters tattooed on them. I suppose they think it makes them look a bit mystical or some such nonsense. My Father who was an expert calligrapher found it insulting.

5keletor · 01/02/2022 11:29

@Theimpossiblegirl

For those flinching when their precious baby is hurt, get a grip. I want grandchildren. Am I going to flinch because my daughter would have to have gone through labour? We don't own our children.
I would rather a full body tattoo than the pain of childbirth (and I've done both more than once!).
Livpool · 01/02/2022 11:30

This thread is so bizarre. Do people really care that other people have tattoos? I personally have none but couldn't care less what others do.

My DH has some tattoos - some on here would seemingly burst into tears or faint at the sight of them.

For those asking why people get them - I assume they like them? 🤷🏼‍♀️

mam0918 · 01/02/2022 11:31

It's a tattoo, not a crack addiction.

Even if you don't like them, I assume you feel they mark the body like scars but if your daughter was scarred in an accident would you act this ridiculously or still just love her and tell her she's beautiful.

Really it's so far from the end of the world that it's quite a luxury to be this upset about something so trival.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 01/02/2022 11:31

@Sparklingbrook

There are very few if any, that will be in the small print. It's discrimination

No it isn't. And you can be fired for having a tattoo if it's not within the 'dress code'.

If it isn't stipulated then you cannot be fired for it. And there are very few jobs that will say no tattoos on your arms. It is discrimination. If you go for an interview and you're perfect for the role but the interviewer catches a glimpse of an arm tattoo so they don't give you the job based on the tattoo? That isn't being discriminated against?
DynamiteFilledRadish · 01/02/2022 11:31

I always wonder how they will look if that person reaches a great age

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that they will look like tattoos on an old person.

Shock
ChickenStripper · 01/02/2022 11:32

@lonelyapple

Tattoos used to be a sign of rebellion and of being different. Now they are a sign of conformity and wanting to be fashionable (in my opinion). Everyone seems to have them these days!
Yes they really are commonplace. Everyone thinks they are so individual and out there whereas nothing is new. I would hate my children to have any tattoos. I think there is nothing more ugly than the sight of a woman with a load of tattoos and a revealing wedding dress - as for the legs and feet thing urrrghhh.
TamTamChew · 01/02/2022 11:32

@DillonPanthersTexas

Exactly. Of course most tattoos won’t be rascist or gang related but I think a lot are the equivalent of a bunch of piercings or dyed hair or some goofy teenage fashion. They’re something young people trying to be edgy or searching for an identity do - but with tattoos your stuck with them.

Imagine being stuck with the pink coloured hair you thought made you look hip as an 18 year old girl, or stuck wearing the shoulder pads you thought were sexy in the 80’s lol. A tattoo is no different, it’s a fashion choice based on the style of the time - a style which will end.
Look at the tribal and barbed wire tattoos guys in the 90’s thought looked cool, now they look hopelessly out of date and silly (especially on 45 year old men).

MermaidEyes · 01/02/2022 11:34

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that they will look like tattoos on an old person.

My FIL 70s has a shit ton of tattoos - and yes, they just look like tattoos on an old person! Most of the time I don't even notice them.

PattyPan · 01/02/2022 11:34

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@PattyPan explain rough to me? What other negative (in your opinion) things does a person have to be labelled rough? I know you're being deliberately offensive. For no gain whatsoever, but humour me [/quote]
Not sure and it does depend on the person to some extend- so for example someone mentioned Māori tattoos and this doesn’t apply to those or other indigenous tattoos. The rough thing comes across more strongly the larger the tattoo is, for tattoos with colours and for white people so I’m wondering if it’s because the more it breaks up the continuity of the natural skin, the more the brain subconsciously thinks it looks dirty.

DynamiteFilledRadish · 01/02/2022 11:35

Imagine being stuck with your attitude. You sound more fuddy duddy than my grandma and she's been dead 30 years.

queensonia · 01/02/2022 11:35

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind who love tattoos and those who don't. It's easy to tell from the comments which camp everybody falls into and there doesn't seem to be any middle ground. OP, I completely understand how you feel and YANBU at all. Your opinion is every bit as valid as your daughter's and you are fully entitled to hate tattoos. Personally, it's the permanence of tattoos that I can't understand. Imagine having to wear the same T shirt every day for the rest of your life or being stuck with the same colour wall in your living room forever. I don't know about self expression apart from signalling that you are the kind of person who thinks tattoos are cool. The bad news is that your daughter is probably going to get even more tattoos and you're going to hate those as well. In reality all you can do is take a deep breath, let her know that while you don't like her tattoos, you still love her.

CounsellorTroi · 01/02/2022 11:35

Having a tattoo to be fashionable is madness IMO. Fashion is by its very nature transient.