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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
HelloFrostyMorning · 01/02/2022 10:41

I have a 26 y.o daughter who has a bunch of tats on her arms. I hope she doesn't think this thread is posted by me. Shock She reads mumsnet sometimes!

@Choclover27 YANBU to be pissed off and a bit upset, but as many have said, it is her life and her body. I do feel some (not all) young people will come to regret these tattoo choices in a few years though. I already know several who do.

Also, I have noticed recently, on things like the Cabins and Love Island and suchlike, that much fewer girls/young women have them now. I think the trend is dying out.

HeidiHaus · 01/02/2022 10:42

I get it - I'm not especially keen on massive tattoos.
Cry about it in private if you like but you can't change it and if it makes her happy I'd count that as a win.
If this is all your DD gives you to cry about then consider yourself lucky!

Steelesauce · 01/02/2022 10:43

My Mum hates tattoos and will silently disapprove usually. However was incredibly supportive when I had a long thought out, meaningful very large tattoo on my thigh last year. Shows the picture to all her friends and is supporting me to have a half sleeve later this year which again, is thought out and meaningful. She only disapproves of things I had done on a whim really!

Your daughter is a grown up, tattoos are no longer taboo. You need to let go of the apron strings.

wtaf37 · 01/02/2022 10:43

[quote TamTamChew]@GADDay

I just worry about what her mental state would be to do that and also the kind of men who would be interested in her and what they’d associate all the tattoos with. Young women who seem troubled are more likely to attract users and guys who are sexually weird and this is like a neon sign to them.[/quote]
Please direct me to the research supporting each of the gross generalisations you have reeled off here. But of course, there isn't any...

TakeSomeMoreTea · 01/02/2022 10:43

I would worry that she would regret them later on. I only have one on my shoulder and I don't like it anymore. I keep saying I'm going to have it covered with something else but to be honest I wish I'd never bothered having it.

Hopefully she won't regret hers.

Rosebuud · 01/02/2022 10:44

I think if you’re daughter is getting a full sleeve then it is part of her overall identity, and you need to accept who she is.

zafferana · 01/02/2022 10:45

YANBU OP - I'd be devastated too, because I hate tattoos.

I've told my kids we'll disinherit them if they get tattoos Grin

CandyLeBonBon · 01/02/2022 10:45

[quote TamTamChew]@namethattunein1

Lol, no most people don’t want to be challenged in marriage as though their still in school trying to learn a subject. Who on earth wants that?
Most people don’t view marriage and relationships as though they’re a mountain to be climbed and they don’t take pride in how difficult the achievement of living with their partner has been.

Think what you like but most men will be happy with sweet girls and run a mile from these tattooed women who apparently are going to challenge them every day.

This is just something difficult people like to think. Most people don’t want that at all. But you seem quite upset about the thought of men not liking to be “challenged” by their wives in the way you like to think they should want. It seems you have this image of a tattooed “interesting” woman who will challenge her man and help him grow day to day and they’ll go through life like that - that’s a fantasy of women with that personality type, very few men will have the slightest interest in someone like that. Most women won’t want a man like that either.

Sounds like an excuse from someone unbearable to live with. “He wasn’t a real man because he didn’t want to be challenged” “he couldn’t handle a real woman” etc.[/quote]
Wow. The patriarchy has done a total number in you hasn't it? Such ingrained misogyny. It's really quite breathtaking.

And 'devastated' over your adult daughter exercising her right to bodily autonomy? Perhaps you need a better hobby op.

CandyLeBonBon · 01/02/2022 10:46

@zafferana

YANBU OP - I'd be devastated too, because I hate tattoos.

I've told my kids we'll disinherit them if they get tattoos Grin

Wow. Blackmail? Nice! 🙄
gunnersgold · 01/02/2022 10:46

I'm
Not overly keen but my daughter wanted one for her 18 th and I took her . She has now booked another one . It's her body , she is an adult now so it's up to her .
My mum had the same reaction and was cross with me but I just told her she is an adult and that's that !

PattyPan · 01/02/2022 10:47

Would you think it was such a bad decision if she chose wallpaper you didn't like? Or a canvas painting you didn't like? It's no different.

Oh yes, everyone knows wallpaper is permanent and can never be fully removed 🙄

And people being disingenuous about the ‘sweet girl’ thing, everyone knows you don’t look sweet once you have a tattoo, you look rough.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 01/02/2022 10:48

@zafferana

YANBU OP - I'd be devastated too, because I hate tattoos.

I've told my kids we'll disinherit them if they get tattoos Grin

How controlling. Even as a joke. Hope they didn't joke about where you'd end up if you needed looking after in your old age?
BellatrixOnABadDay · 01/02/2022 10:50

And people being disingenuous about the ‘sweet girl’ thing, everyone knows you don’t look sweet once you have a tattoo, you look rough.

Lol 😂 this actually made me laugh.

Of course, that's my prerogative in life, to continually look like a 'sweet girl' 🙄 at nearly 34. I guess I'll just carry on looking rough then 😂

Celticdawn5 · 01/02/2022 10:50

I’d cry too.

zafferana · 01/02/2022 10:50

@AllThingsServeTheBeam don't worry we can afford to look after ourselves and would NEVER expect our DC to do so.

PattyPan · 01/02/2022 10:52

@BellatrixOnABadDay

And people being disingenuous about the ‘sweet girl’ thing, everyone knows you don’t look sweet once you have a tattoo, you look rough.

Lol 😂 this actually made me laugh.

Of course, that's my prerogative in life, to continually look like a 'sweet girl' 🙄 at nearly 34. I guess I'll just carry on looking rough then 😂

Obviously you don’t have to look sweet, just people were pretending they didn’t know what that poster meant when it’s pretty obvious a tattoo changes your look/vibe.
DillonPanthersTexas · 01/02/2022 10:52

And I've just hired a promising young man on to my team who has a face tattoo. Because I judge him on his skills and credentials over his tattoos.

I work for a large global engineering firm, many of our clients are in the middle and far east. It has been alluded to already on this thread but tattoos in some cultures carry extremely negative connotations. The lad you have hired may be brilliant but he would not be much use to me as I would not be able to send him into a room to represent my organisation with Malaysian, Japanese or Singaporean clients.

Personally I could no care less what tattoos people have so long as they are largely not seen in the professional environment. However, anyone who gets a tattoo on their face does not strike me as being particularly switched on to beging with to be honest.

BellatrixOnABadDay · 01/02/2022 10:52

I'm just incredibly jealous of people who's biggest worry in life appears to be whether their children have a tattoo or not- what a luxury!

If that is your non problem, you are lucky.

SoManyTshirts · 01/02/2022 10:52

DD late twenties has a couple of tattoos, yes I see it as she’s mutilated her perfect skin. One in a difficult area to laser is poor-quality.

It’s none of my business and I don’t comment, but my instinctive reaction is that my baby’s been hurt - I couldn’t help flinching when I first saw them.

BellatrixOnABadDay · 01/02/2022 10:54

It’s none of my business and I don’t comment, but my instinctive reaction is that my baby’s been hurt - I couldn’t help flinching when I first saw them.

Oh fgs, your baby's been hurt 🤦‍♀️

It's just so, so disrespectful to people who really have had to watch their children suffer.

Thatsplentyjack · 01/02/2022 10:56

And people being disingenuous about the ‘sweet girl’ thing, everyone knows you don’t look sweet once you have a tattoo, you look rough.

What is a "sweet girl" and why would I want to look like one? Who do I want yo look "sweet" for?

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 01/02/2022 10:56

[quote zafferana]@AllThingsServeTheBeam don't worry we can afford to look after ourselves and would NEVER expect our DC to do so.[/quote]
Yet you joke about not leaving them any inheritance. Nice.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 01/02/2022 10:58

@PattyPan

Would you think it was such a bad decision if she chose wallpaper you didn't like? Or a canvas painting you didn't like? It's no different.

Oh yes, everyone knows wallpaper is permanent and can never be fully removed 🙄

And people being disingenuous about the ‘sweet girl’ thing, everyone knows you don’t look sweet once you have a tattoo, you look rough.

Hahaha pisser. Rough.
Theimpossiblegirl · 01/02/2022 10:58

DD has a beautiful floral tattoo on the side of her ribcage below her breast. She put so much thought into it but also considered the placement carefully so she can choose when to show it.

I'm glad it's not a sleeve/face tattoo or across her chest though. I know she would be judged professionally and personally.

User57327259 · 01/02/2022 10:58

@ihaveonecat your post at 08.58
I know someone who was under a lot of duress from a partner, and that person has had tattoos which are known to be the choice of the then partner. It was him "marking his territory" like the animal he is.
I was born with perfect skin, I think. Unfortunately my skin is no longer as perfect as it started out. I have had childhood illnesses which left marks. I have had stress which caused a skin problem which is incurable. I have had various surgeries which left scars. I would not choose to damage my skin any further.
I am neither a pile of shit nor offensive but I think your decision to deride my views to which I am entitled is offensive and unpleasant.