Page 23 | I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

Choclover27 · 2022-01-31T23:19:58+00:00

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

gamerchick · 01/02/2022 09:59

@DaisyWaldron

This thread is making me want a tattoo.

I know right? Must book my next one

I was 44 when I got my first tattoo. I bloody love mine. But then you get to an age you simply don't give a toss about judgy types.

Tinimineymoo · 01/02/2022 10:00

Hate them too op, would cry over them as well. And probably not in private. Brits are too polite. Even if she's 26, your role as a mum is to advise her about likely mistakes all throughout her life. Even if she thinks it's not a mistake, she needs to hear your opinion too whether she likes it or not.

TamTamChew · 01/02/2022 10:00

@namethattunein1

Lol, no most people don’t want to be challenged in marriage as though their still in school trying to learn a subject. Who on earth wants that?
Most people don’t view marriage and relationships as though they’re a mountain to be climbed and they don’t take pride in how difficult the achievement of living with their partner has been.

Think what you like but most men will be happy with sweet girls and run a mile from these tattooed women who apparently are going to challenge them every day.

This is just something difficult people like to think. Most people don’t want that at all. But you seem quite upset about the thought of men not liking to be “challenged” by their wives in the way you like to think they should want. It seems you have this image of a tattooed “interesting” woman who will challenge her man and help him grow day to day and they’ll go through life like that - that’s a fantasy of women with that personality type, very few men will have the slightest interest in someone like that. Most women won’t want a man like that either.

Sounds like an excuse from someone unbearable to live with. “He wasn’t a real man because he didn’t want to be challenged” “he couldn’t handle a real woman” etc.

LoveaStatementNap · 01/02/2022 10:00

I’m already tired by the judgment and I’m barely on page four so apologies if this has already been said, but tattooing isn’t remotely modern. Humans have been modifying their bodies since, well, forever. Self-expression by using your own body as the medium is part of what marks us as humans. It is also cross cultural. What’s this ‘perfect virgin skin’ rubbish? Marking one’s body is a rite of passage in many, many cultures across history. To consider it just some sort of weird aesthetic fad is missing the point. Not that I’m surprised in the least.

5keletor · 01/02/2022 10:02

@gamerchick my mum got her first at 45, after seeing mine. 😁 She's now mid-fifties and has 3, I'm also not entirely convinced she'll stop there!

Wrongkindofovercoat · 01/02/2022 10:02

I don't see them as 'alternative' , they are so commonplace now, it would probably be easier to name the people I know under 50 who don't have one than those who do.

MrFsAunt · 01/02/2022 10:04

Some posters are being disingenuous now about the 'perfect skin' thing. Everyone quite rightly thinks their child is perfect as they are and that includes birthmarks, vitiligo/ other skin conditions everything.

I had a decade-long conversation with dd trying to get her to see her freckles as a thing of beauty.

I think it's more that as soon as you're pregnant you're bombarded with hormones triggering you to want to protect your child. So you bathe them all the time. moisturise, protect from nappy rash, slather sunscreen on them to protect from sunburn. It's hardwired into you as a parent / is it not understandable that when they decide to break the skin barrier for non-medical reasons with all the risks of infection that go with it (never mind the aesthetics for now) a deep-rooted part as a parent of you is disturbed?

And whatever her reasons why should OP have to pretend to be happy on an anonymous forum?

Turquoisa80 · 01/02/2022 10:05

I think it's part of her aesthetic and makes her feel attractive, so as long as she's confident with how she feels. You will begin to feel happy because she's happy. Just getting a tattoo does not change the person within

tearinghairout · 01/02/2022 10:05

I would be sad too. The comparisons on here to her getting pictures, wallpaper or fairy lights you don't like are daft! You can erase those very easily! I honestly don't understand getting tattoos, especially very overt ones. But they are fashionable and fairly mainstream these days. Just remember it's still your gorgeous girl underneath, and accept her choices.

namethattunein1 · 01/02/2022 10:05

[quote TamTamChew]@namethattunein1

Lol, no most people don’t want to be challenged in marriage as though their still in school trying to learn a subject. Who on earth wants that?
Most people don’t view marriage and relationships as though they’re a mountain to be climbed and they don’t take pride in how difficult the achievement of living with their partner has been.

Think what you like but most men will be happy with sweet girls and run a mile from these tattooed women who apparently are going to challenge them every day.

This is just something difficult people like to think. Most people don’t want that at all. But you seem quite upset about the thought of men not liking to be “challenged” by their wives in the way you like to think they should want. It seems you have this image of a tattooed “interesting” woman who will challenge her man and help him grow day to day and they’ll go through life like that - that’s a fantasy of women with that personality type, very few men will have the slightest interest in someone like that. Most women won’t want a man like that either.

Sounds like an excuse from someone unbearable to live with. “He wasn’t a real man because he didn’t want to be challenged” “he couldn’t handle a real woman” etc.[/quote]
What the fucks a 'sweet girl' ...Actually don't bother telling me, good luck with your life Tam Tam, hope your partner loves the unchallenging marriage.

Meanwhile I'll grow my daughter to not be a fucking mans 'sweet girl' I will tell her to set herself challenges and be ambitious , and not to give a fuck about fitting into some man's idea of a perfect wife.

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/02/2022 10:06

There are numerous recruitment posters featuring tattooed people.

The colossal cynic in me would think that was window dressing of the worst 'hey look how inclusive we are' kind. While there are plenty more people with tattoos these days then yesteryear there is still a fair bit of prejudice against them in many professions. I think the unwritten rule is 'fine, get a tattoo but just cover it up when you are in the work environment'. I work in oil and gas, have spent plenty of time offshore on the rigs and ships, nobody cares about tattoos there, people only cared that you were not a dickhead and were safe to work alongside with. Whenever we all had to go back to HQ in the City many of the lads with tattoos were conscious of covering them up before meeting senior management. Not saying it is ‘right’ just the way it was/is.

MrFsAunt · 01/02/2022 10:06

Yes you should rtft LoveaStatementNap.

Pluvia · 01/02/2022 10:07

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

Know what you mean, Tippexy. When I meet someone with very visible, in-your-face tattoos I instinctively steer clear of them on the assumption that they're troubled. When I was younger I thought troubled people were interesting, much more interesting that untroubled people. Eventually I grew up. I've always assumed that was what tattoos were for. To warn people off.

OP, you have every right to thoroughly dislike what your daughter's doing to herself. Just because you have a child doesn't mean you have to stop being you with your own opinions and feelings. Nothing you can do, obviously. Best advice is to share your feelings with people who feel similar to the way you do and meanwhile ignore, ignore, ignore when you're around your lovely daughter whose precious skin you created yourself.

TamTamChew · 01/02/2022 10:08

This reply has been deleted

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housemaus · 01/02/2022 10:09

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

What ridiculous nonsense.

Floofsquidge · 01/02/2022 10:09

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

Eh?? I have lots of tattoos. I come from very average middle class middle England, no trauma, very very happy upbringing. I just like tattoos. I promise I'm not harbouring any hidden PTSD. Ok?

namethattunein1 · 01/02/2022 10:09

[quote TamTamChew]@namethattunein1

Lol, no most people don’t want to be challenged in marriage as though their still in school trying to learn a subject. Who on earth wants that?
Most people don’t view marriage and relationships as though they’re a mountain to be climbed and they don’t take pride in how difficult the achievement of living with their partner has been.

Think what you like but most men will be happy with sweet girls and run a mile from these tattooed women who apparently are going to challenge them every day.

This is just something difficult people like to think. Most people don’t want that at all. But you seem quite upset about the thought of men not liking to be “challenged” by their wives in the way you like to think they should want. It seems you have this image of a tattooed “interesting” woman who will challenge her man and help him grow day to day and they’ll go through life like that - that’s a fantasy of women with that personality type, very few men will have the slightest interest in someone like that. Most women won’t want a man like that either.

Sounds like an excuse from someone unbearable to live with. “He wasn’t a real man because he didn’t want to be challenged” “he couldn’t handle a real woman” etc.[/quote]
PS

I realise you may be Asian and I know what tattoos mean in Asia compared to what they mean in the West, but you should too. The meanings are very very different from Asia to the West.

You can be a very 'sweet girl' and have a tattoo in England, in Japan where I've lived for 12 months , its a whole different ball game.

WinterOfOurDiscoTent · 01/02/2022 10:10

Personally, I'd be disappointed if my DS decides to get tattoos but it's just another thing that I'll have to keep to myself. Openly disapproving, often makes it worse.

Sympathy for you OP

HazelBite · 01/02/2022 10:11

Thing is I know far too many people who have got tatoos in their "youth" and now very much regret it. My DIL is spending literally thousands to get a relatively small but dark tatoo removed, apparently it will leave a scar.
Some tattoos are very artistic and beautiful but others are very ugly and crude, you wouldn't put a very badly painted picture or an out of focus photo on your wall why spoil your body, your choice I guess

malificent7 · 01/02/2022 10:12

Why can't sweet girls have tattoos? I'm very sweet and hard working. People would never guess i have a huge back tattoo.

AlDanvers · 01/02/2022 10:12

Think what you like but most men will be happy with sweet girls and run a mile from these tattooed women who apparently are going to challenge them every day.

Ohh bless them.

Firstly, who wants to be a 'sweet girl' who never challenges someone? Does anyone want to be in a relationship where they fear standing up for what they feel is right, in case their parent leaves?

Secondly How does a tattoo gaurentee a challenging, non sweet girl? How does nor having tattoos guarentee you won't challenge someone?

Honestly, if getting a tattoo makes sure dd doesn't end up taking some man's shit, I will sign her up myself.

And thankfully, I can promise loads of men don't want a woman who isn't herself, who is just there to be his sweet girl. And if a man does want that, women should be running the other way.

MajesticallyAwkward · 01/02/2022 10:12

@TamTamChew wow... just wow

where to start? You appear to be living in some kind of yesteryear nightmare world. 'Sweet girl', so compliant zombie doing whatever the big strong man tells her, unblemished, virgin yes?
I think you'll find most women are happy to have their freedoms and be able to express themselves and their opinions however they want rather than blindly agree with the menfolk and stand in the shadows. You know women can open bank accounts, drive and even gasp have careers on their own?

It's possible to make a decision without 'but what will men think' even factoring in?

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2022 10:13

What is a 'sweet girl'?

AlDanvers · 01/02/2022 10:13

Also forgot to say you can be a nice and good person and also challenge your partner AND have tattoos.

BuickMcKane · 01/02/2022 10:14

As a heavily tattooed forty something woman in a professional role, I've never heard such claptrap about it 'affecting career prospects' in my entire life. You do know what year it is, right?

Tattoos have been around for millennia and they're not going anywhere any time soon.

My adult DC are heavily tattooed, successfully young people currently climbing the career ladder without any prejudice. Thankfully the opinions on this site are mostly down to the demographic. Oh and their 'perfect skin' belongs to them, not me.

Some if you sound like you'd be mourning their death instead of celebrating the fact you'd raised an independent adult!

As for the casual misogyny on this thread.. fuck me sideways.