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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:

silverbubbles · 01/02/2022 09:42

I would be upset by this too but there is nothing you can do apart from tell her that you don't like them but she obviously makes her own decisions.

What a waste of money - don't they cost a fortune?

NYnewstart · 01/02/2022 09:43

I don’t like them either but I guess you have to suck it up as it’s her life.

As with everything with my teens/young adults, I talk about the pros and cons of things like drug taking, tattoos etc, give my opinion but say of course it’s your choice but if you do choose to do it then please bear in mind x,y and z. And do whatever as safely as you can!

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 01/02/2022 09:43

I have an upper arm tattoo, I hate it now.
These sleeves, full-body tattoos just look awful-ugly.
However she is your daughter, she's an adult and there's nothing you can do about it.

EerieSilence · 01/02/2022 09:43

Jeez, this thread looks like Britain is walking firmly back into the 18th century view of women and bodies. You make Reese-Mogg and his kids dressed like Little Lord Fauntleroy look like radicals.
It's her body and her choice. I'm not a big fan of tattoos but if my DD decided to have them, I wouldn't say a word against it.
OP, you seem to be so hung up on her tattoos that it seems to swallow you.

Broads93 · 01/02/2022 09:44

Tattoo's don't have the same stigma they had back in your day, times are changing you have to move with it or get left behind.

Mumoblue · 01/02/2022 09:44

@OfstedOffred

Can’t tell if this as in support of my post or not, but yeah that’s kind of my point. My son’s skin is perfect because it’s his. (Incidentally, the birthmark never bothered me- but it does bother me when people remark on it as soon as they meet him. “Oh he’s got a mark on his forehead!” - you don’t say! )

5keletor · 01/02/2022 09:44

@silverbubbles

I would be upset by this too but there is nothing you can do apart from tell her that you don't like them but she obviously makes her own decisions.

What a waste of money - don't they cost a fortune?

They can do. About the same as a lot of people waste on high-end shoes and handbags.

Chely · 01/02/2022 09:44

Her body. Crying over it is just a bit dramatic.

nokidshere · 01/02/2022 09:44

I didn't hear the OP say that she had actually told her daughter she hated then and had cried? There's a very weird assumption on MN that you are never to care about, or comment on, anything your child does after the age of 17.

I don't like tattoos personally, I would never have one and I would hate it my (now 20 & 23) boys did. I'm allowed to feel those things wether or not I say it out loud.

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/02/2022 09:45

YANBU but tattoos aren't what they used to be. They are very respectable and mainstream.

Well clearly not given the bun fight going on here. Let's be honest you don't see too many people with overtly visible tattoos in professional 'respectable' jobs, why, because they know clients and senior management would take a dim view.

Quackpot · 01/02/2022 09:45

Some people buy art and put it on their walls. Some people buy art that is put on their bodies. Some people like art. Some people don't like art. Art is subjective, not everyone likes the same art.
Just because someone's art is not to your taste, doesn't make it 'bad', it's just not your taste.

Would you think it was such a bad decision if she chose wallpaper you didn't like? Or a canvas painting you didn't like? It's no different.

In not keen on wine bottles with fairy lights in, not my taste, but doesn't mean I'd be disappointed in my kids if they bought one.

PinkSyCo · 01/02/2022 09:47

This endless simpering over “perfect skin” comes across so … gross. Especially as a parent to a child with a visible birthmark.

Exactly. It’s nauseating. Your skin is there to do a job not to look pretty. Who cares whether you chose to decorate it or leave it plain. I dread to think how these mortified/horrified/devastated women would cope if their kids did something actually bad or God forbid got ill. Bloody drama queens.

Gonnagetgoing · 01/02/2022 09:47

@theleafandnotthetree

"That's because this is an anonymous space where people can say what they really think....believe me in real life I think most tatoos are ugly and trashy but it's not like Id go up and say that to someone. hmm".

Ok - I don't like tattoos and I do sometimes judge people who have them but never in a million years would I say that to people (I like some tattoos) who had them, especially people I knew as it would hurt their feelings and isn't necessary. Boyfriends I've had or known the vast majority have had tattoos so I've had to make compromises here.

At the end of the day it's their body and their choice but I do think it is too easy to get tattoos if you later regret it and want to get removed.

Hyly68 · 01/02/2022 09:48

don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice.

She can also like tattoos and that’s her choice.

grapewine · 01/02/2022 09:50

When I cried over a news story of a 7 year old getting beaten to death by his teacher in a lesson should I have shrugged and said not my kid?

The fact that you use that as an example of how it's OK to cry about your adult daughter getting a tattoo is crazy. It's not even remotely comparable. Bloody hell.

BoredZelda · 01/02/2022 09:52

When I cried over a news story of a 7 year old getting beaten to death by his teacher in a lesson should I have shrugged and said not my kid?

You are equating an adult getting tattoos to a child being beaten to death? Crying because your adult child has tattoos is a really extreme reaction.

CHALLENGE= INTERESTING = STIMULATING

Yeah, let’s define challenge by its actual definition, in the actual English dictionary.

Noun: 1) a call to someone to participate in a competitive situation or fight to decide who is superior in terms of ability or strength. 2) a task or situation that tests someone’s abilities. 3)an attempt to win a contest or championship in sport.

Verb: invite someone to engage in a contest. Make demands on, prove testing to.

Now, I love my child being challenged at school. But absolutely none of these definitions should relate to a relationship between people.

Do you understand?

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/02/2022 09:52

But still not that many of them. I shall watch the Ireland/Wales match on Saturday with a view to researching this!

Uh huh, watching tall, broad shouldered, finely tuned rugged athletic men sprint arround the place is 'research' now.

Seriously though, rugby used to draw the vast majority of its players from the university/professional fields, these days they are drawn from schools via the academy systems. While there are way more tattoos in football then rugby, I would not have been surprised if having a tattoo in rugby 25 years ago would have prevented your selection for international duty as you were 'the wrong sort'.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 01/02/2022 09:54

[quote TamTamChew]@AllThingsServeTheBeam

I’m not telling myself that. Young men tell me. It’s f you want to pretend differently because you don’t want it to be true you do that.[/quote]
Course they do 🤣

Peridot1 · 01/02/2022 09:55

I don’t like tattoos either and I’d be upset too.

In fact a friend who has a small tattoo on her ankle was devastated when her dd got a full sleeve tattoo.

5keletor · 01/02/2022 09:56

@DillonPanthersTexas

YANBU but tattoos aren't what they used to be. They are very respectable and mainstream.

There are numerous recruitment posters featuring tattooed people. Lots of posts on LinkedIn questioning why they're still seen as an issue.

Many posters, myself included, have posted about our senior roles/those in our workplaces who are senior and have visible tattoos. I have been a manager, I'm now in a senior role that doesn't require me to have one (unless you count the CEO, but that's more a chain of seniority, I don't have to ask permission for time off/to leave early or WFH etc.).
The only time I can remember noticing appearance in a slightly negative way, is interviewing someone who had very long, garishly-coloured fake nails. I dislike false nails, but hired her based on experience and how she came across in the interview - genuinely the best employee I have ever had. I was sad to have moved on from that role as she was a lovely person and I enjoyed working with her.

LittleGwyneth · 01/02/2022 09:56

It's funny how many people here are telling you to mind your own business and get over it, but would be horrified if she was getting loads of botox and filler.

I hate them too, and I would be sad to see my child getting lots of them. But you're quite right to not react and keep your sadness to yourself.

Phos · 01/02/2022 09:57

I absolutely detest tattoos but I think with a 26 year old its very much her body, her choice. You're not being unreasonable to dislike them but I think being affected to the extent you describe is a little much.

CounsellorTroi · 01/02/2022 09:58

Everyone saying you can just have tattoos lasered off:

It’s far more expensive than the cost of having the tattoo in the first place
It may take anything from several months to a year of sessions
It may leave scarring.

SartresSoul · 01/02/2022 09:58

Devastated is a bit of an overreaction to say the least. I’d be devastated if my DC had cancer or were addicted to heroin, not if they had a few tattoos.

Iamanicepersonreally · 01/02/2022 09:58

I don't like tattoos either, but "devastated" is a massive over reaction.

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