I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

[Choclover27]

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

@Comedycook

Because women are supposed to like like perfect unspoiled virgins on their wedding day?

I don't see any link between tattoos and virginity. Change wedding dress for ball gown...or any event where you wish to look elegant...a inked rose on your shoulder or whatever just ruins the look.

For you perhaps, but a lot of people like it. But I forgot, women are supposed to look unspoiled all the time.

@namethattunein1

These are real men from today, your definition of real men may differ from that but if you think most aren’t thinking that way your burying your head in the sand - and very likely they aren’t going to share their opinion with you since it would obviously be unwelcome.

You can like the type of men you like, they can like the kind of women they like but as to “real” men wanting “a woman who will challenge them” - I can only laugh heartily at that. Most women in general don’t want someone who “challenges them” and men even less lol. That’s just something difficult people like to say. Why on earth would someone want to go through life being “challenged” by their life partner?

Self-expression is great... although, I find it hard to see where the individuality is when so many people have such similar designs. The 'tribal-style' tattoos that were so popular in the 90s all look so dated now and a couple of friends who had that style done back then have since had them layered or covered up with something that, too, looks dated now.

I think many people have them as a sort of 'statement', rather than an expression of identity or individuality anyway - especially the 'sleeve' style which has become so ubiquitous as to be like any other fashion or style trend.

I have a couple of tattoos, tucked away where no-one sees them. I forget they exist and wonder why I bothered now. They're a marker of a point in time for me, like any other scar, but I don't think of them as particularly poignant, important or something that identifies me as some kind of clever individualist. I've known a few people who treat their tattoos like the most interesting thing about themselves.... which is pretty boring when you're party to the same conversation time and time again.

I don't think the majority of tattoos are all that interesting today, purely because they're so easily-attained, commonplace and bear little resemblance to those of years gone by when they were used for very different reasons and invoked mythical, narrative and/or story-telling elements.

YANBU - simply because you cannot help how you feel? I totally understand were you are coming from and I guess most of these posters on her telling you to get a grip, none of your business etc are a younger generation. Obviously you cant do anything about them, but you're right you dont have to like them. I actually like some tattoos, others I hate, mainly the ones that a poorly done. I am pretty certain a large majority of these tattoos will be regretted in years to come, when the skin gets saggy with age and then end up just looking like right mess.

I think devastation is ott op but i do sympathise. My dd has tattoos and i hate them, but it's her body her choice. Human skin is so amazing, and yes beautiful, i don't really get this trend to draw all over it, or understand why people get massive tattoos when they know that anecdotally they are likely to regret it later in life, but again, their body, their choice.

Jesus when did women have to look elegant? Or elegant by some other random standards?
Women only look elegant if their skin is what, unmarked?

Wtf?

What an absolutely ridiculous comment. A mother has every right to be disappointed in something her child does - no matter their age.

Of course, but being devastated and crying is a bit extreme.

And had you made children with imperfect non lovely skin?

Yeah these types of “I made perfect children” comments are really off. I made a child with cerebral palsy who has had several surgeries and is covered in scars and also has eczema. Presumably I should be happy if she decides to get a body full of tattoos? (I actually couldn’t care, it’s her body)

I wonder how many of these people had their kids ears pierced when they were small. Surely if kids are perfect, they don’t need to be decorated at 7 years old.

You aren't a bitch as long as you don't say anything. If she asks if you like them you can say no but leave it at that. My niece has just made her tattoo she had on her forearm bigger, just a black outline of insects and flowers, my sister doesn't like it (even though she has 2 tattoos but they're on her back) but it isn't stopping my niece adding to it anyway.
I wouldn't call it poor decision making though, just because you think it is.

Do you get sad about them ruining their perfect hair by colouring it, by ruining their perfect ears by piercing?

Yes

Although coloured hair grows out.

It's not individual expression, it's just fashionable. Look at all the footballers with a sleeve tattoo, it's almost a uniform.

@grapewine

The "perfect skin" comments are so weird.

Why? Tattoos do look like a disfigurement to some people. That’s just the way it is.

Perceptions haven't really changed. This thread proves it. Most people are kind and polite. They're not going to say in RL that they hate your tattoos or that they think they're poorly done or that they look unimaginative or any of the criticisms on here - because they realise it's bloody hard to get rid of them.
But it's naive to think because people are being polite, that's what they really think. Thats not to say everyone hates them. Of course they don't.
What I don't understand is if you get tattoos for yourself, why there are so many posters being so defensive on this thread. And the posters pointing out that married men want to cheat on their wives with women with tattoos or the poster equating tattoos with women being challenging - give your heads a wobble . Having a tattoo or not having a tattoo doesn't say anything about your morals or your strength of character. So much stereotyping from people pretending they're 'alternative' and 'creative'. So bloody tedious. I'm glad the people I know with and without tattoos are much less judgemental.

Boredzelda
My kids skin isnt "perfect", its perfect to me because I am their mummy.

@Luredbyapomegranate

A sleeve would tip many people over the edge..

But you know, she can have them lasered off, I guess, And the perception of them has changed. Try amd gently encourage her to take a break for a bit.

@Luredbyapomegranate - do you know the cost of having a sleeve or even a small tattoo lasered off?

A friend wanted to get a sleeve removed (too many bad, foolish memories and it was preventing them getting work), the cost as well as time spent in laser removal was a lot. an acquaintance got a small dolphin on her ankle nothing else but was left with what looked like 'bruising'. She said she'd wished she'd never had it done and was young and stupid.

@malificent7 my dress showed off mine on my back. Tbh I forget they are there now. But my Mum said it was a "shame"

I still felt a million dollars in my dress though, even though to most people on here I looked cheap, trashy, chavvy etc 🙄

I suggest you reassess the company you keep @TamTamChew

Some of the comments here are actually quite disturbing about creating children with perfect skin etc, the lack of separation between some people and their adult children is far more disturbing than any tattoo.

I’d be disappointed too. But it’s her body and her choice.

I would feel the same OP, you're not the mother from hell. She's an adult and can make her own choices of course, but you are can't help the way that you feel about your daughter making irreversible changes to her body. As long as she is happy with them and happy with her life then you have to let her get on with it.

I think that tattoos are a bit like marmite - some people love them and think that they are great, expressive, beautiful etc. Some people hate them and think that they look cheap, ugly, commonplace. We just have to respect that opinions on them are different and respect each other's right to choose what they do with their body.

@ElftonWednesday

It's not individual expression, it's just fashionable. Look at all the footballers with a sleeve tattoo, it's almost a uniform.

Far fewer rugby players with them though. Interesting that.

I don't think I've seen such blatant masogyny on here in a long time!

I have a kitchen table made of blatant masogyny.

I can totally understand your upset. I’d be gutted if any of mine had tattoos and sleeves are just bloody awful - especially on women.

And I say that as someone that had a tattoo (thankfully removed now).

But what can you do? Absolutely nothing. You have to just keep it to yourself and say nothing.

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming

Haha. I'm 51. When i was 18 I had a tattoo of Jim Kerr from my favourite band Simple Minds, never regretted it. The only thing I was "going through" was a love of their music!

[quote TamTamChew]@namethattunein1

These are real men from today, your definition of real men may differ from that but if you think most aren’t thinking that way your burying your head in the sand - and very likely they aren’t going to share their opinion with you since it would obviously be unwelcome.

You can like the type of men you like, they can like the kind of women they like but as to “real” men wanting “a woman who will challenge them” - I can only laugh heartily at that. Most women in general don’t want someone who “challenges them” and men even less lol. That’s just something difficult people like to say. Why on earth would someone want to go through life being “challenged” by their life partner?[/quote]
" Most women in general don’t want someone who “challenges them” and men even less lol."

Fuck me, it must be boring in your household...There are a group of men who love women who don't challenge them, they're running Afghanistan right now.