I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

[Choclover27]

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

I love the look of them and have been contemplating a ring tattoo for ages. But the permanence of something like a sleeve terrifies me.
One thing I'm not keen on, is when they age out, lose their blackness and get a purpley greenish look.
I'd also worry about job prospects, I know everyone knows a doctor/bank manager with a full sleeve. But I also know quite a few employers who insist tattoos should be covered.

Just wanted to say that I would be absolutely heartbroken if my kids got a tattoo. Nothing you can do but massive sympathy from me

Your feelings are your own and are all you're asking about. Of course you're reasonable to feel what you feel.

All the bolshy monotone 'her body, her right' posts are missing the point entirely. OP hasn't suggested that she should be able to change her dd's decision, or make decisions for her. She is sad at a decision that she recognises her dd was free to make.

OP is a person with feelings and her own particular perspective and experience. Shouting someone else's rights at her doesn't change that, because it's irrelevant.

Understandable. Sleeve can be big, dark and in your face. I'm not keen on most tattoos. I do actually like some tattoos. But not most, because they are done so poorly. Most of them look naff. I do like it when I see a really good one. Years ago, My brother waited nearly a year to get an appointment with Darren stares in Portsmouth who was well known for doings fab tattoos.

My manager, and his manager both have full sleeves, and work customer facing for a luxury car brand. Hasn't hindered them

Are they on show while working or are they covered up by a shirt?

I'd be very upset. YANBU

@User57327259

I am glad to see that other mothers of adult children are not happy with our adult children covering themselves in tattoos. There is the possibility that they are being controlled by less than pleasant partners but we do not have rights to interfere even if it is to get them away from abusers or the damage these abusers do to our adult children. I dont know the cost of tattoos or the pain involved but I would not subject myself to any pain. I would hope that my adult children would spend money or their children or home rather than damaging their skin. As pp state it is their body so their choice. I dont like piercings or tattoos and that is more an unconscious viewpoint rather than a choice. They were born with perfect skins because us the mothers followed the rules and this is like a slap in the face. I am not impressed at all by piercings or tattoos.

Where do abusers link to tattoos?! And you've just said any child born without perfect skin or a birthmark is because the mother didn't do everything right. Which is obviously a pile of shit and offensive

Tattoos can be divisive, can’t they. I love them on other people, I like looking at the artwork and am in awe of the skill involved. But I don’t want one myself.

DH is much too straight-laced to have one so I’ve never had to think what I’d feel about him having one and DS is too young to have a committed view about having one.

These threads are always a hoot.

The opinions of "young men" - Well, my body and appearance aren't geared towards winning the approval/affections of men, so let them have their judgy little opinions if that's the case.

Career - Through my degree, postgrad, becoming a manager and now very niche, professional role, my tattoos have never been an issue.

My partner is also not weird, controlling, etc. He doesn't have tattoos or any body modifications himself, but also isn't horribly judgemental so I don't have to listen to the sort of vitriol on this thread if we ever see anyone else with a tattoo, so it's a win-win not having to live with such nastiness.

[quote TamTamChew]@Hadharra

These are the majority opinions from the young men I hear talking about it. If you see it as sexist then so be it but it’s what they think - it’s not me passing down their opinion to them on high. And it’s not me who will be judged by them, it’s young women which is my whole point.
They’re allowed to have preferences and that’s what I’ve heard so why bury my head in the sand or tell them to stop expressing how they actually feel around me? Won’t change a thing about how they see those women.[/quote]
I'm not talking specifically about their opinions. I'm more than aware that there are a swaithe of people on this planet with unsavoury views of women. I'm not talking about why they think these misogynistic things about women. We all know the multitude of things that lead to misogynistic tendencies. I'm talking about the way you talk about women like they are so subordinate to men. The way that a man's opinion of a woman's tattoos is to you, so much more important than the woman's bodily autonomy and opinion of herself. I don't think we're on the same page and I'm not sure you're able to comprehend how awful your posts are. The fact that some men objectify women as if they're a toy to be used doesn't shock me. The fact that a woman will advise other women to act on a certain way in order to keep these men happy or give herself the opportunity to attract one of these misogynists as if she's be so much better off with him in her life makes me incredibly sad.

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

I’m not telling myself that. Young men tell me. It’s f you want to pretend differently because you don’t want it to be true you do that.

[quote TamTamChew]@Hadharra

These are the majority opinions from the young men I hear talking about it. If you see it as sexist then so be it but it’s what they think - it’s not me passing down their opinion to them on high. And it’s not me who will be judged by them, it’s young women which is my whole point.
They’re allowed to have preferences and that’s what I’ve heard so why bury my head in the sand or tell them to stop expressing how they actually feel around me? Won’t change a thing about how they see those women.[/quote]
The majority of young men you know sound like complete pricks who want a barbie doll , a mother's replacement for the mummy that does everything for them. Who the fuck wants that now? Any 20 something woman , they'd rather stay fucking single.

Meanwhile in the fucking twenty first century, most REAL men want a woman who challenges them, I'm talking about real successful men who frankly would pick a tattooed individual woman over a fucking Stepford wife , "i don't mind' Barbie doll any day of the week.

Case in point, my brother in law, millionaire who had the trophy perfect wife, divorced her within 5 years bored shitless and is now married to an artist who is covered in tattoos on her back and arm.

The saddest part is the young men who tell you they want a wife who would never have a tattoo, are the first ones fucking around behind her back because they are bored and don't respect her. And that's the fucking sad truth.

The irony of posters being heavily judgemental towards the OP who they're criticising for being judgemental.
It doesn't make you cool and tolerant if you're name-calling and being ageist and classist to anyone who disagrees with you.

There's one branch of our family that has lots of tattoos. I don't see it as alternative, self-expression. It's standard in their friendship group. It's about conforming. Some of them are amazing. Some of them aren't. They're all tribal in their own way eg emo; football; gaming.

@Comedycook

So agree about them looking awful on brides. It’s like seeing a bird poop on the wedding cake.

Wow, I didn't expect this thread to go in this direction...

So now women shouldn't get tattoos because some men might not find it attractive? Ok.

Meanwhile in the fucking twenty first century, most REAL men want a woman who challenges them

Like hell they do!

I hope these men make their views known to potential partners, so women can avoid them and their apparent need for a certain type of appearance and subservience.
If tattoos keep that sort of controlling man away from you, why are they seemingly so bad?

You’re definitely not being unreasonable to feel like this, I would too, although I’d (try to) respect that it’s her body. With my daughter it’s piercings. Lots and lots of piercings. I don’t say anything, apart from teasing that she should stay away from magnets but inside I fucking hate them.

Bit of context- I am a 31 year old mother of 3 small children. I have multiple tattoos and multiple piercings (including facial piercings) and I’m very close to my mother, who hates them.

My mom hates tattoos. Hates piercings. Hates the whole deal of modifying your body. It causes friction between us, and I hate that. She’s my mom, but she’s not my keeper. I love tattoos, I love piercings. Not all of my tattoos have meanings. I’m a ‘go with the flow, you only live once’ kinda person.

She doesn’t like them, that’s fine. But it’s not her body. Not her choice. I’m planning a load more tattoos, and it makes me sad that my mom has such issues with it. The only thing my mom is doing is stopping me from being so close to her.

However, when my children are an appropriate age, they can get what they want. I raise small people, individual humans with individual likes and dislikes. They are not for me to throw my opinions on.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

I've got a massive back tattoo and am getting married next year. I do feel weird about it but i think it comes from the fact that we are conditioned to see brides as pure, virgin flesh ( shudder).
I think i am going to proudly display it...its very floral and lovely.

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

Oh ffs! Some people just like tattoos. What a strange post!

@DillonPanthersTexas

My manager, and his manager both have full sleeves, and work customer facing for a luxury car brand. Hasn't hindered them

Are they on show while working or are they covered up by a shirt?

Either. They both mostly have sleeves rolled up The only restrictions we have on tattoos is nothing offensive. A lot of the sales side have them as well, and also the business managers

I hate them too. Wouldn’t say so, though, her body.

I think my son’s are awful and so far he’s only got two small ones 😢 I honestly don’t blame you as I think tattoos are horrid and chavvy. I keep trying to talk him out of a sleeve and luckily I think he’s in two minds right now so hopefully he won’t mutilate himself like that. Maybe your DD will come to her senses one day and see about having them removed.

@TamTamChew

Your not unreasonable. A few small tattoos is whatever but when someone covers up large areas of their skin it is completely unattractive, especially on a woman. I’d be very sad as a mother if my daughter covered up and defaced her beautiful skin.

I’d also start to worry what other kind of “lifestyle” she was interested in and what her mental state was like.

I think this comment wins the thread.

And as for 'defacing their perfect skin..' that's creepy as fuck.

Your child isn't your property.

Devastated?! Crying in private?! Over tattoos?

Nobody died. Get a grip.