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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 01/02/2022 08:31

I'm mixed about them.
My DD and DN has some.

Our family won the genetic lottery for skin, naturally beautiful. I guess why mess with perfection.

I know people like to say they are an expression but then you see so many people with the same tattoos, it seems more of a conformity than individual expression. First ones are usually horrible as people don't have the money to spend on one or their friend does one for practice.

I don't think I'd mind the sticker ones as they can be removed and you're not stuck with the same one all the time.

Loubilou09 · 01/02/2022 08:32

I would be absolutely devastated too! Thankfully my 19 year old daughter doesn't seem to like them so we may have gotten away with it.

They look vile on all women

Hadharra · 01/02/2022 08:33

[quote TamTamChew]@daisyjgrey

There was nothing racist in that and it’s not about skin colour at all. It says more about you than me that you took it there and thought that. Never occurred to me. I hate racism.

I meant there an attention seeking, troubled type of thing or seem to be. I’d be devestated if my DD got a lot of tattoos and I’d feel terrible for her knowing she was being judged as having slappy airs by potential romantic partners.[/quote]
Just sexism then

TamTamChew · 01/02/2022 08:35

@Hadharra

I have not “hated on single mothers” - I’ve described the three heavily tattooed women I know and their lifestyles, one of whom is a single Mum.
Calm down.

Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat · 01/02/2022 08:35

YANBU. The odd on or two here and there is fine but a whole leg, arm, back, face etc is in my opinion a step too far.
Yeah we are used to seeing people with loads of tattoos but there are certain jobs that it would still be judged as Ill advised to go to the extreme or even have them on show. I would therefore be worried she is limiting her job opportunities.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 01/02/2022 08:37

Meh. I've got tattoos. Had a big one on my arm for my 30th. My dad doesn't like them but actually said 'looks orate that does'

Her body her choice. Some of the views on this thread, as per, are vile

cheekychaplin · 01/02/2022 08:37

@LouiseBelchersBunnyEars

Devastated is a word for a disaster. A horrific accident or a terminal illness.

Not a fucking tattoo

This. What dramatics.

Ok, you don't like them.

TamTamChew · 01/02/2022 08:38

@SquirrelG

Yes IME there is a lot of talk behind their backs. But you wouldn’t have heard any of it if from young men if they feel you would judge them for it.

ihaveonecat · 01/02/2022 08:38

@Pleasebeafleabite

Career limiting I’m afraid

HCPs OK but no go for climbing the corporate ladder

My manager, and his manager both have full sleeves, and work customer facing for a luxury car brand. Hasn't hindered them
anothername007 · 01/02/2022 08:38

My mum doesn't like my piercings. She managed not to mention it for many years but then slipped up. Even when she doesn't say it you can see it in her eyes. My Dad is dying. We are virtually NC over her criticisms of my appearance. You just have to work out if it's worthwhile losing your daughter over a tattoo. Sitting in silent disapproval is no different to voicing your opinion, she's not stupid.

ancientgran · 01/02/2022 08:41

@scarpa

You don't have to like them. Nobody is forcing you too.

But as she's 26, it's absolutely none of your business. What does it matter if you do or don't like them? What does crying over them achieve?

Her feelings are her business, you can't tell people how to feel.
Fireandflames666 · 01/02/2022 08:42

Do you know what looks bad/vile on a person?, a bad attitude and a judgemental personality. Gross.

Perfect skin?, you all sound like Hannibal Lector.

TamTamChew · 01/02/2022 08:42

@Hadharra

These are the majority opinions from the young men I hear talking about it. If you see it as sexist then so be it but it’s what they think - it’s not me passing down their opinion to them on high. And it’s not me who will be judged by them, it’s young women which is my whole point.
They’re allowed to have preferences and that’s what I’ve heard so why bury my head in the sand or tell them to stop expressing how they actually feel around me? Won’t change a thing about how they see those women.

notacooldad · 01/02/2022 08:45

I am not a tattoo fan and dont have any but I disagree with this.

She is young and is allowed to make her own choices / mistakes She is not young with regards to tattoos and why is it a mistake? If she was 15 and her and school mates were doing home made ones then that would be a mistake.

I wouldn't be able to get out of my head how awful they will look when she's in her seventies. They can look quite cool when you are young but not on an OAP. By the ti.e Dd is 70 tattoos are going to be so commonplace no one will care!
I have many friends in their mid 50s that have a full sleeve since their 20s and are still adding to it. They have professional jobs ( service lead in social work, another has a chain of beauty salons another department head in finance) They have zero regrets.

Sooverthemill · 01/02/2022 08:47

I also loathe tattoos and hate those my DS has. I've told him that I love him and know he loves his tattoos but I don't get it at all. We discuss it. But it's his choice. Even though one looks so close to a fascist symbol every time he flies he gets pulled over and questioned. It isn't but at a swift glance it kind of does. I also hate piercings except one in each ear. But I know I'm in a minority with this. DS has a stretchy ear one for a while and one on his neck/ top of spine which got infected. DD1 had her navel and various other body parts but ended up removing the metal so they grew over. It's strange to me but they have autonomy over their bodies and their choices

BridStar · 01/02/2022 08:48

I pay hundreds and travel up and down the country to secure pieces by wonderful artists.

And I don't tell my mother because she'd probably react like you.

It's her body. You don't own it.

Rinoachicken · 01/02/2022 08:48

@Fireandflames666

Do you know what looks bad/vile on a person?, a bad attitude and a judgemental personality. Gross.

Perfect skin?, you all sound like Hannibal Lector.

Yes this!

I love my tattoos. They come in especially handy for keeping away all the judgemental ignorant people who I really do not want to waste my time with!

I can’t imagine living my life being so judgemental and professing such vile and ignorant attitudes towards people I don’t even know.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 01/02/2022 08:49

[quote TamTamChew]@Hadharra

These are the majority opinions from the young men I hear talking about it. If you see it as sexist then so be it but it’s what they think - it’s not me passing down their opinion to them on high. And it’s not me who will be judged by them, it’s young women which is my whole point.
They’re allowed to have preferences and that’s what I’ve heard so why bury my head in the sand or tell them to stop expressing how they actually feel around me? Won’t change a thing about how they see those women.[/quote]
Keep telling yourself that.

MissTrip82 · 01/02/2022 08:49

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

How condescending!! So much snobbery on this thread too, I have several tattoos, 2 children, a nice house, a lovley husband. My skin was never lovley, but very functional and I don't regret any of my tattoos, even the one I got from a dodgy as fuck place when I was 17. Its small, hidden by my pants and reminds me of being 17 and young. My other tattoos are reminders of other things in my life and I thought about them for a very long time before getting them.

Yes they'll be loose and wrinkly when I'm old, but I'll be loose and wrinkly wether they are there or not!!

I mean this is pretty snobbish too isn’t it?

You surely don’t think that being married and owning a house (even a ‘nice’ one) is evidence you’re classy or a better person than others in some way?

Yuck.

Comedycook · 01/02/2022 08:50

What I really think looks dreadful is a visible tattoo on a bride... looking beautiful and elegant in her dress and then some hideous etching on her upper back or arm. I actually think being covered in tattoos and making it into a "look" is marginally nicer than a random rose or cartoon character just randomly drawn on any part of your body.

Sooverthemill · 01/02/2022 08:50

Also, to be clear, in RL I would never ever tell someone I didn't like their tattoo or piercing. I'm not rude. But on here I was asked my opinion. And it doesn't lessen my opinion of any individual if they have them

LadyPropane · 01/02/2022 08:50

Unless she has racial slurs tattooed onto her forehead I think you being "devasted" by her tattoos is really over the top.

I understand why you don't like her getting them, because you clearly don't agree with tattoos and she is still your "baby" in your mind, but you need to take a step back and try and see her for who she really is. She is an adult now. She's not an extention of you and just because she does things that you wouldn't choose for yourself doesn't mean you need to get upset. Love her for who she is and relax into the "adult children" phase of your life. One of the best things about this phase is that you don't need to be "devasted" about trivial things like tattoos. Just let her get on with it.

TokyoDreaming · 01/02/2022 08:51

Holy fuck.

Have I stumbled upon a alternate 1950's timeline or am I in a fever dream?

Some of you you need to get a grip and stop being so judgemental.

LadyPropane · 01/02/2022 08:51

*Devastated

Obviously 🤦

Mumoblue · 01/02/2022 08:51

@Fireandflames666

Do you know what looks bad/vile on a person?, a bad attitude and a judgemental personality. Gross.

Perfect skin?, you all sound like Hannibal Lector.

I couldn’t agree more!

Wtf is “perfect skin”!