I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

[Choclover27]

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

@Fimofriend

I, too, am almost chuckling to myself when people talk about tattoos being about people expressing themselves. In 90% of thee cases what they are expressing is: "I must follow the latest trend. Then I will be cool" and nothing is less cool than that. One of my nieces, who usually can't even commit to a hair colour for more than a couple of months, got a tattoo of a diamond. It looks like a diamond belonging to Scrooge McDuck. Very childish and non-significant. She got it because her boyfriend got a tattoo. Her parents are not exactly proud of it either.

What an assumption, unless you’ve interviewed every person who’s had a tattoo you have no idea. Even your nieces diamond might have had significance for her and her boyfriend, either the design or just the fact of getting one. The big issue here is how snotty and judgemental her family are to talk about and mock her behind her back.

It doesn't matter what age your child is, they will always be your child.

Tattoos are very mainstream now, and not indicative of anything. I'm a secondary school teacher, and most of my colleagues (male and female) seem to have them. Sometimes full sleeve, often on wrists, necks, arms, wherever.
I know as a parent you look at your adult children and think of the care and effort you put in when they were little, but that's gone now. Her choice.
Nothing you can do, just try to have a warm, supportive relationship.

My mum once rang me at work in floods of tears. I thought something awful had happened - my brother has a whole range of serious health issues and while he’s now fairly well under control with them, at that time he did end up in intensive care on a semi-regular basis. I honestly assumed the worst for a second.

But no. Mum was in floods over my younger sister’s latest tattoo. Which to be fair is a bit of a crappy looking one, but omg. I was so cross. I’d taken the call in the office because I assumed it was important, had gone into the corridor white as a sheet to talk, thinking I was going to be told that my brother was seriously ill or worse. And I got that down the phone instead.

So my advice would be to not do that, op…

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

Good grief... or alternatively she's just into tatts. I have a lot of empathy for you, I don't like either. Hard to see beauty marred, but it is her choice.

Odd ideas about tattoos on here. Its fine not to like them but why worse on women? Is it because we are supposed to be " pure"?
Also loads of professionals have them like doctors in my hospital where i work.

I love my tattoos and they have nothing at all to do with my DM.
Keep your crying in private, it's none of your business.

[quote TamTamChew]@HarlanPepper

Maybe that’s what people with a lot of tattoos like to think, but believe me people do talk behind their backs. I’m around young men so I do know how they view young women with a lot of tattoos and in general it’s not as someone they want as a potential wife or mother of their kids - unless they’re heavily tattooed and into an alternative lifestyle themselves. They usually see them as “easy” or a someone to be used for fun. That’s the reality.

I’m not talking about a small tattoo here but full sleeves or those chest and neck or hand tattoos all carry this conatation. Maybe if your looking to make it to the top of only fans or work in a warehouse those type of full body tattoos are fine, but if you want to choose either a normal relationship or a good career, they’re a bad idea.[/quote]
If they keep scum like that at a distance we should ensure all young women get full sleeves.

Hey there! I’m the head of content at a leading e-commerce brand and earn £60k plus at 30. Before that I worked at a leading tech company in it’s PR department. I also have a BA and a Masters degree for a top 5 university. But apparently I can’t possibly be a professional because I have a large colourful tattoo on my leg and a couple on my arms.

My mother refused to speak to me for months when she found out. Because I’d ‘never get a job and people would think I’m a slut’. I just don’t tell her much these days.

My untattooed partner of 7 years loves them. My colleagues like them. And it’s been a decade; and I still like them.

Wow the amount of people in here that are in the dark ages, worse on women?, wow.

You're allowed not to like them but you have to keep your mouth closed. Tattoos are a beautiful way of expressing ones self, it's art.

@Avarua

I'd be disappointed at their poor decision making. Same as I would be if they did other short term things without thinking them through (getting too deep into credit card debt, having a baby with a loser).

My thoughts exactly. Doing something permanent to yourself at a relatively young age is a really bad idea. Skin sags, your tastes change and the colours fade with time. Plus like it or not, it does potentially damage your employment prospects.

Lots of sanctimonious posters out who apparently don't regret anything they did in their 20s! you're dealing with it the right way, i.e. venting in private, you have a right to be upset as much as she has a right to do it, but as you know speaking out would only alienate her

I would feel exactly the same as you OP. Some of my friends have tattoos they got in late teens/early 20s and most regret them and now (the designs are now very unfashionable) and have been getting them covered up with other designs. It’s like committing to having a mullet haircut for the rest of your life.

My dc are in their 30’s.
I have no idea if they have any tattoos.
I may have a tattoo myself one day.

I do find it amusing though how many people have tattoos that mean something to them but which are usually the same as everyone else’s.

Women. - roses or other flowers, goth eg skulls, butterflies, bees, clocks, dc dob presumably so you can hoick your sleeve up and chk when you get Alzheimer’s, inspirational quotes.

Men. - Japanese, Hebrew, Buddhist designs, basically anything that looks a bit mystic, snakes, women’s names ( see prev reference re Alzheimer’s), wild animals or anchors, they’ve been as far as the local zoo and on the IOW ferry if you’re lucky!

Maybe that’s what people with a lot of tattoos like to think, but believe me people do talk behind their backs... They usually see them as “easy” or a someone to be used for fun. That’s the reality ... if you want to choose either a normal relationship or a good career, they’re a bad idea

Yes, I really hope my DD doesn't do anything to jeopardise her chances of a "normal" relationship with a toxic arsehole.

Get a fucking grip. She’s still the person she always has been, tattoos or not. You don’t have to like tattoos at all, but you’re fucking crying because they are on someone else’s body. Once again, get a fucking grip.

@Ohmycron

I hate them. I made children with perfect lovely skin. Luckily mine all hate them too. Would also be sad.

It’s not the skin that’s perfect, it’s the person underneath. And OPs daughter is still her daughter.

I can sorry if understand having a reaction. But once you have it, in private, it’s time to accept and move on.

Meh. The herd love their brands.

My parents hate my tattoos.

I do not give a single shiny fuck!

As a 56 year old tattooed mum of 2 adult boys I would not have an issue with it. Its a form of art, beautiful art carried on our skin. Our bodies are a temple - why not decorate them?

I am glad to see that other mothers of adult children are not happy with our adult children covering themselves in tattoos.
There is the possibility that they are being controlled by less than pleasant partners but we do not have rights to interfere even if it is to get them away from abusers or the damage these abusers do to our adult children.
I dont know the cost of tattoos or the pain involved but I would not subject myself to any pain. I would hope that my adult children would spend money or their children or home rather than damaging their skin.
As pp state it is their body so their choice. I dont like piercings or tattoos and that is more an unconscious viewpoint rather than a choice. They were born with perfect skins because us the mothers followed the rules and this is like a slap in the face.
I am not impressed at all by piercings or tattoos.

Oh op I don't blame you. I really don't like tattoos and I wince at the thought of one of my dcs having one. It's easy for posters to pile on and tell you to back off but I bet they aren't in your position. If you don't like tats you don't like them - simple as.

I’ve just remembered that my mum and dad saw my first one when I was getting married, I know that she was a bit disappointed because she was raised with similar ideas to some of the people on here (fortunately she has developed more independent thought now for a number of reasons). My elderly relatives were all so excited 😆 they were taking photos to show their friends and getting me to show them repeatedly. Bless them

Also wondering why people dont think old people look good with tattoos? .