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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
ineedsun · 01/02/2022 07:31

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?
What an absolute crock of shite. Honestly, you need to broaden your horizons.
FrecklesMalone · 01/02/2022 07:31

Hopefully she will keep looking it forever, or get to a point where she doesn't care. You have to let her do what she wants. I hope the sleeve fad stops soon though as it's such a hard one to change.
I'm a HCP so see loads of tats and so few are placed well. Often just plonked on an arm or leg with little thought to the shape (or changing shape) of a body

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/02/2022 07:32

[quote TamTamChew]@Hadharra

Sure I could get all mad at them and then what? They would still think and act on those things, they would just know they weren’t able to express how they really felt around me. And what then? Then I wouldn’t have any idea what young men were actually thinking and would be in denial about them finding Tattos desirable for a woman they want as a real love.

They’re allowed to have their views I’m not going to get all matronly and feminist on their arses and tell them otherwise. All that will result in is then not being open around me.

To be fair to them of the three most heavily tattooed young women I know - one is a former stripper, one is said to do only fans stuff, and the other had a kid with a guy who was also heavily tattooed and alternative (as is she) and is now a single mother because they split shortly after her dd was born.
So it’s not like they’re pulling their opinion out of thin air.[/quote]
Being misogynistic is not a "view". Not being physically attracted to tattooed women? Fine. Calling them "easy?" Not fine.

And are you insinuating that being a single mother is something to be ashamed of? I'm sure there are many non tattooed single mothers on here who would disagree.

KitchenTowel · 01/02/2022 07:33

@scarpa

You don't have to like them. Nobody is forcing you too.

But as she's 26, it's absolutely none of your business. What does it matter if you do or don't like them? What does crying over them achieve?

Nobody cries to achieve anything. It's an expression of emotion. (Never thought I'd have to explain that concept to an adult (I assume) but here we go.Hmm)

Also, op has already said that she doesn't have to like them, hadn't she?

Op. My parents would be very upset if I got a tattoo so I get where you are coming from. You are not the mother from hell as long as you don't give her a hard time about it. In the grand scheme of things getting a tattoo isn't really hurting anyone or causing damage (though she might have to roll down her sleeve for job interviews etc) so hopefully you can make your peace with it at some point.

If you are worried that she's addictrd then that's a different issue. What makes you think she might be?

CityMumma78 · 01/02/2022 07:33

I sympathise, they’re so unsightly and permanent!!!

MrsMo21 · 01/02/2022 07:34

Mum is that you?

FFS your daughter is an adult, if you don’t pay her rent and bills then it’s really none of your business. I’m sure she doesn’t like things you do or choose, welcome to relationships with your adult children.

Devastated? C’mon now.

ineedsun · 01/02/2022 07:34

@Nandakanda

I think they look absolutely awful - so unattractive, especially on women.

All this nonsense about self-expression. What do they express exactly?

Well mine express ‘this is my body and I can do what I want with it’ ‘I love my kids but didn’t have a physical connection with them and now I do’ and ‘a set of spiritual beliefs which shape the person that I am and how I live my life’.

I don’t give a monkeys what anyone thinks of them but I do despair of the intellect of some people when I read threads like this.

NETSRIK · 01/02/2022 07:34

It is your opinion that they look awful. Other people have different opinions. It is her opinion that matters. She may not like choices you make with how you look. That's the way it is. What a boring world it would be if we all liked the same things.

I don't have tattoos by the way as I don't like them on me but my body is up to me. Other people can do what they want.

trumpisagit · 01/02/2022 07:35

I understand why you would be upset, but don't let her know: it won't help. Try and see it from her perspective.
I would hate it too.

19lottie82 · 01/02/2022 07:35

I have never come across a tattooed professional

I’m 100% sure that isn’t true, you just haven’t seen their tattoos.

TrickyD · 01/02/2022 07:35

Just prisoners. G4S have staff wearing badges with their first names on (most refuse). Its changed a lot. You'd be shocked! Sounded much better handled in the 80s...

In those days G4S hadn't been invented, and inmates never called officers by their first names, only us education staff. It was always Gov, Boss or Mr XXX. It was a very pleasant and generally calm place to work. I don't think I would fancy it these days.,

GillianB2990 · 01/02/2022 07:36

Your entitled to your opinion but at the age of 26 she's able to make her own decisions.

I'm 31 mother of 2 and I'm pregnant again and I love tattoos. I have a sleeves and some other ones on my body. I think they are beautiful and a way of expressing yourself. Mines are all flowers and girly and I wouldn't have listened to anyone if they told me not to get them. I have no past trauma that "made" me get them it's just something I have always been into since I was a very young age. I was always drawing on myself or covering myself in transfers.

They don't make me a bad person or a bad mum just because I have tattoos, I'm still the same person just with a bit of artwork on me.

Fimofriend · 01/02/2022 07:38

I, too, am almost chuckling to myself when people talk about tattoos being about people expressing themselves. In 90% of thee cases what they are expressing is: "I must follow the latest trend. Then I will be cool" and nothing is less cool than that. One of my nieces, who usually can't even commit to a hair colour for more than a couple of months, got a tattoo of a diamond. It looks like a diamond belonging to Scrooge McDuck. Very childish and non-significant. She got it because her boyfriend got a tattoo. Her parents are not exactly proud of it either.

mathioso · 01/02/2022 07:38

I'm proud of having taught my kids that they don't have to look or behave a certain way just because society expects it of them. I've raised them to think more critically. So I'd be a bit hypocritical to then cry about them getting a tattoo. Would be a total over-reaction.

Wrongkindofovercoat · 01/02/2022 07:39

They are not for me, I am way too fickle to commit to one, I would change my mind before the ink had dried !

Some look better than others certainly and fashions change, I can usually fairly accurately guess when someone had a tattoo by the style. Which is another worry, what I thought was amazing and cool at 26 was not what I thought amazing and cool at 30 , or even at 27.

My DD has mentioned getting a tattoo a few times, I advised her to do a lot of research, find the very best artist, get it done in henna or washable ink first to check if she really does like it, before committing to a lifetime of it. I also advised her to have it done where it can be easily covered by clothing day to day.

GillianB2990 · 01/02/2022 07:39

@FloatyBoaty

Holy fuck.

The internalised sexism just on the first page of this thread is incredible….

Exactly, all these comments about them looking "god awful" on woman is horrendous. Tattoos can be very feminine and beautiful.
7eleven · 01/02/2022 07:39

@19lottie82

I have never come across a tattooed professional

I’m 100% sure that isn’t true, you just haven’t seen their tattoos.

I agree it’s not true. I know a partner in an accountancy company and a deputy head, both female and both have tattoos. One person’s tattoo is discreet, but the other one’s are very visible on her leg.
19lottie82 · 01/02/2022 07:40

Tattoos are a bit of a personality substitute

What nonsense 😂

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/02/2022 07:40

Also if you say they look worse on women than men, congratulations on buying into sexist stereotypes and continuing to be part of the problem as to why women are still not seen as equal to men.

trumpisagit · 01/02/2022 07:41

I hoping they will be old fashioned by the time my kids are old enough: 4 years.
Are they as popular as they were a few years ago?

ineedsun · 01/02/2022 07:41

Nobody cries to achieve anything. It's an expression of emotion. (Never thought I'd have to explain that concept to an adult (I assume) but here we go.hmm)

That’s not true at all, lots of people do. Particularly manipulative people who want to get a response from others. Including mothers. So your patronising post was a bit daft really

PermanentTemporary · 01/02/2022 07:41

I'd decided against getting a tattoo but based on this thread maybe I'll change my mind!

BTW I think Winston Churchill's mother had at least one tattoo. If we're talking about upper class people. Though 'naice' wasn't quite the word.

Maireas · 01/02/2022 07:41

@trumpisagit

I hoping they will be old fashioned by the time my kids are old enough: 4 years. Are they as popular as they were a few years ago?
Seem to be.
NerrSnerr · 01/02/2022 07:41

I bet some of the adult children of the posters on this thread who have said their children hate tattoos and wouldn't get them secretly have them- and just haven't told their parents because they know what the parents would be.

Cheeseplantboots · 01/02/2022 07:43

I don’t think you’re pathetic. Mumsnet if full of people, probably without adult children, who seem to think once you’re children are older you stop worrying or caring what they do or who with and that everything they do is absolutely none of your business🙄. You have every right to be upset . Obviously you can’t do anything about it but you are allowed to be upset by it. I have nothing against tattoos but I’d still be upset if my child covered themselves in them.