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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Complain about workmen?

119 replies

SB1971 · 31/01/2022 14:30

We are having our bathroom re-fitted and one of the men has asked by DD 17 for her number.
She felt awkward and gave it to him but having established he was almost 30 and she is just turned 17 that he was too old.
Non of the messages are rude etc and she should not have given him her number in the first place but I think I need to complain to his boss don't I?
It does not feel appropriate at all and now she will feel awkward in the house with him here - probably just tmrw afternoon and I will be here also.
I should complain shouldn't I?

OP posts:

allthingsnaice · 31/01/2022 14:48

What would your complaint be?

He asked for her number, she gave it to him, they communicated, realised their ages were a bit far apart and none of the messages are rude.

I'm not sure what there is to complain about?

Original poster

SB1971 · 31/01/2022 14:51

@allthingsnaice

What would your complaint be?

He asked for her number, she gave it to him, they communicated, realised their ages were a bit far apart and none of the messages are rude.

I'm not sure what there is to complain about?

I guess I just thought it was inappropriate of him asking a customer's daughter for her number. Maybe I need to get a grip?

OP posts:

Owlink · 31/01/2022 14:52

I would complain, yes. It's unprofessional, at the very least, for him to do this. Say to his boss that it's definitely put you off recommending the firm to anyone else.

SNUG2022 · 31/01/2022 14:53

I'd just say it to him: bit young for an old man like you, and it's not really appreciated.

ElftonWednesday · 31/01/2022 14:54

I would definitely complain, it's really not on.

WarmWinterSun · 31/01/2022 14:55

I would absolutely complain! She’s a minor and they’re working in your house. It’s completely inappropriate.

Justcallmebebes · 31/01/2022 14:55

No, it's inappropriate for him to approach a teenage girl in her own home and ask for her number. I would mention it to his boss definitely.

allthingsnaice · 31/01/2022 14:57

Politely, I'd agree that you might be reacting a bit too much and could perhaps just get a grip (not to be harsh just repeating what you said!).

It'd be a different matter if he intimidated her to get her number / had sent rude or explicit messages etc. If he just asked for her number and they chatted it just sounds like a normal situation where someone who's found someone attractive and perhaps fancied a date or a chance to get to know them.

Personally I don't think it's unprofessional to ask, he didn't know her age, he just asked for her number and wasn't rude. He's not providing a service to her that puts him in a position of power / trust so there's nothing in my mind that makes it unprofessional.

ElectraBlue · 31/01/2022 14:57

@allthingsnaice ''What would your complaint be?''

Are you serious? you can't see anything wrong with a 30 year old man who is there to do a job asking an under-18 for her number? The fact that the OP's daughter felt awkward, and pressured, about this says it all too.

I would complain to this man's boss and make it clear you don't want him in your house anymore. It was unprofessional and also creepy due to the age difference...

SniffMyFeet · 31/01/2022 14:59

It’s inappropriate that he asked for her number when it wasn’t a social meeting
I would mention it to his boss
However we’ll meaning , you don’t do that

BertieQueen · 31/01/2022 14:59

Did he know your daughter was only 17? He may have thought she was older.

As long as he hasn’t bothered her by constantly texting her when she has said she isn’t interested and the messages haven’t been rude etc then I can not see why you would complain.

icelollycraving · 31/01/2022 15:00

I wouldn’t complain. I think he was attracted to her, they’ve messaged, nothing inappropriate and it’s dead in the water. I would give your dd some tips on not feeling pressured by men to give her number though.

FinallyHere · 31/01/2022 15:01

Goodness, of course complain. As a well brought up teenager, it might take her a while to feel confident enough to laugh and say 'you wish' if asked for her number. That is no reason to encourage his very IMHO inappropriate behaviour.

How large is the company? I would ask what the impact on the work schedule would be, if he was removed from site. That would be what would happen at work, in response to inappropriate behaviour. In you own home is even worse.

The idea that a teenage girl in going to feel awkward in her own home and is just expected to put up with it, is really not OK. Its the whole, oh , I didn't want to make a fuss trope that has been running on women for oh, ever.

Let your daughter see that she really doesn't have to put up this stuff, so next time she has more confidence that it really isn't OK.

Starseeking · 31/01/2022 15:01

I would complain. He should never have put a minor in a position that could potentially make them feel awkward in their own home. He should know that it's not appropriate, and he shouldn't approach a customers daughter/son in that way in future.

Starseeking · 31/01/2022 15:02

He should be told* it's not appropriate

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 31/01/2022 15:03

I've worked in many places where we were strictly forbidden from fraternising with customers. I appreciate that not every business can or should operate like that but I would possibly ask the company what their policy is on relationships between workers and customers?

IMO there is definitely something off about someone who is 30 approaching a 17 year old. I'm only 31 and couldn't imagine ever doing this even if I was single.

If he made your daughter feel uncomfortable in her own home I would also be bringing that to his bosses attention...or his depending on how confident you feel.

DiddyHeck · 31/01/2022 15:05

This man is in your house, why don't you complain to him OP?

hangrylady · 31/01/2022 15:07

I wouldn't complain to his boss but after my husband had had a word with him, he wouldn't be doing it again.

Original poster

SB1971 · 31/01/2022 15:12

@DiddyHeck

This man is in your house, why don't you complain to him OP?

Fair comment. The text exchange only happened when she had left for college and he is now at another job until tomorrow so I can't bring it up with him straightaway face to face.

OP posts:

Aloha7373 · 31/01/2022 15:21

Did he know her age when he asked for it?

Original poster

SB1971 · 31/01/2022 15:26

@Aloha7373

Did he know her age when he asked for it?

Not sure - he knows she goes to college but I guess that could be any age post 16. She asked him his age and when he said almost 30 she said - I am 17 - you are too old for me. He apologised for any inconvenience and she has now blocked his number.

OP posts:

allthingsnaice · 31/01/2022 15:28

[quote ElectraBlue]@allthingsnaice ''What would your complaint be?''

I would complain to this man's boss and make it clear you don't want him in your house anymore. It was unprofessional and also creepy due to the age difference...[/quote]
How would he know she was 17?! Unless she was introduced as "here's my underage daughter" how would he know?

The post makes no mention of her feeling pressured.

The OP has said messages weren't rude.

TheOccupier · 31/01/2022 15:29

Given how it has panned out I wouldn't complain, but I hope you can help your DD to stop going along with things she's uncomfortable with for fear of "awkwardness". This is unlikely to be the last time she is in this kind of situation. How is she feeling about it?

ApolloandDaphne · 31/01/2022 15:29

It seems that he has politely and decorously agreed she is too young for him and hasn't been pestering her at all beyond the initial asking for her number. I would just leave it. It has been resolved in a mature and rational way between the two.

Viviennemary · 31/01/2022 15:30

Yes. This is just not on. His boss needs to have a word with him. Not appropriate at all.

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