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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Complain about workmen?

119 replies

SB1971 · 31/01/2022 14:30

We are having our bathroom re-fitted and one of the men has asked by DD 17 for her number.
She felt awkward and gave it to him but having established he was almost 30 and she is just turned 17 that he was too old.
Non of the messages are rude etc and she should not have given him her number in the first place but I think I need to complain to his boss don't I?
It does not feel appropriate at all and now she will feel awkward in the house with him here - probably just tmrw afternoon and I will be here also.
I should complain shouldn't I?

OP posts:
5keletor · 31/01/2022 17:13

@MrsTerryPratchett No idea, as far as I can recall, ages weren't mentioned.
I brought it up as some posters here have said that the age isn't an issue, it's down to professionalism, and that's why they would complain. So I wondered why it seems to be fine sometimes, but not others.

limitedperiodonly · 31/01/2022 17:14

I would not be making my daughter make herself scarce for the afternoon. It's her home, if she can't feel safe let alone comfortable there where can she?

I'd contact his boss immediately and say this workman was not welcome in my house and why. I'd ask him to arrange for someone else to complete the job and explain I was willing to wait until he found someone more suitable.

If I couldn't get hold of his boss I'd tell the workman to his face when he turned up. I'd add that I was going to tell his boss and let him deal with it.

That's all that can be done under the circumstances and it is up to his employer now. But I would make it plain that this bloke chatting up my 17-year-old daughter in her own home that he was trusted to be in would severely shake my confidence in the building firm. I know builders and they would take this extremely seriously. Even at the very least, it's money to them. The last thing they want is an employee doing anything like this and causing problems at work.

The excuses for him and suggestions that it's the girl's fault are breathtaking.

bigbluebus · 31/01/2022 17:15

@5keletor

Things go so differently on different threads with similar situations here.

If the issue is just professionalism, as has been previously stated - what about the poster however long ago who was being egged on to text the plumber who'd been doing work in her house to ask him to go for a drink with her after she'd posted to say she wanted to ask him out? Or the numerous posters who replied to say go for it, as they had met their husbands/partners when they'd come to do work on their houses? Were they not harassing workers who had simply come to do a job?

Honestly, I don't see a problem OP. He apologised, and they haven't communicated since.

5keletor I was thinking exactly the same thing. Clearly no problem with harassing workmen when they enter your house but because it's a female who could easily have been an adult then there's outrage. The guy made a mistake. He's apologised. Lesson learned for both parties.
MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 17:18

[quote 5keletor]@MrsTerryPratchett No idea, as far as I can recall, ages weren't mentioned.
I brought it up as some posters here have said that the age isn't an issue, it's down to professionalism, and that's why they would complain. So I wondered why it seems to be fine sometimes, but not others.[/quote]
Of course he's not 17, FFS.

And texting after someone has left your home, when there is no longer a professional relationship, and everyone is an adult and so on is different. Personally I still wouldn't do it.

Doing it to a minor, while you still have access to her home? Hard hard no.

Booboobadoo · 31/01/2022 17:19

When I was 30, do you know how many 17 year old boys I asked out? None because it's creepy, wrong and extremely easy to avoid. And in their own home. Too bloody right I'd complain.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 17:45

When I was 30, do you know how many 17 year old boys I asked out? None

This.

MacauliflowerCulkin · 31/01/2022 18:12

@Aloha7373

Nowhere to “escape” to?!

Okay this is way too extreme. I’m out.

Hold the door in out with you.

Also BRBing to tell my husband he was wrong to ask me out whilst at work.

Nanny0gg · 31/01/2022 18:32

@SB1971

We are having our bathroom re-fitted and one of the men has asked by DD 17 for her number. She felt awkward and gave it to him but having established he was almost 30 and she is just turned 17 that he was too old. Non of the messages are rude etc and she should not have given him her number in the first place but I think I need to complain to his boss don't I? It does not feel appropriate at all and now she will feel awkward in the house with him here - probably just tmrw afternoon and I will be here also. I should complain shouldn't I?
Did he know that she was 17?

And is he still texting?

Complain if you really feel that''s the right thing to do. What do you want the outcome to be? A warning? What if it's his job? (which if justified, is fair enough)

5keletor · 31/01/2022 18:32

I thought the same @bigbluebus, the other thread was very much "go for it, let us know what he says!" along with suggestions of what to say to him.

@MrsTerryPratchett I'm not sure if he had left her home, although it wasn't the age issue I was posting about, as some posters seemed to not mind her age but did think it was unprofessional regardless, those are the double standards that seem to crop up.

doorornottodoor · 31/01/2022 18:36

Creepy. I would definitely complain.

NiceTwin · 31/01/2022 18:39

I'm guessing she was chatting to him, it would take some front just to ask for her number had he not been chatting to her.
Maybe she even fancied him until she realised his name.

I wouldn't complain.

LetTheBirdsSing · 31/01/2022 18:44

I am absolutely gobsmacked by the replies wondering why you would complain. It is completely inappropriate for this man to have asked a customer’s teenage daughter for her number. He shouldn’t be hitting on grown women when he’s working, never mind teenage girls. What a creep.

LetTheBirdsSing · 31/01/2022 18:45

@MrsTerryPratchett

And maybe if you're poor at judging age, ask first. Maybe don't risk asking children out. Just a thought Hmm
Exactly.
FAQs · 31/01/2022 18:48

Yes it’s inappropriate the age difference would have been pretty obvious, he shouldn’t be approaching young girls or anyone on jobs for their number, its unprofessional and if it was someone on one of my projects I’d be bloody livid!

IrishMama2015 · 31/01/2022 18:50

IMO it's inappropriate regardless of the age gap. It's putting a woman in a very awkward and pressurised situation when the man will be in her home for several days afterwards. Speak to his boss

freecuthbert · 31/01/2022 19:02

I'm in my late 20s and live right by a college and I don't think they look anywhere near 30 at that age, they would certainly look out of place in a group of my friends for instance. Even with the makeup and clothes they wear nowadays they don't look far off from children. It's mad because when I was 17 I remember feeling like I looked properly grown up and would get chatted up by older men too, god I thought I was so mature! Looking back I can see it was totally inappropriate and they definitely knew I was really young and taking advantage of my naivety.

So personally, me having been a girl in that situation, I think he knew she was around that age. Ffs, he even knew she was at college. Yes, some more mature adults go to college too, but the majority of people I see going to college are teens. In such a situation, if he had all good intentions, he surely would have found out her age beforehand.

And in any case, if you are working in a client's home it is really inappropriate to ask the client or client's daughter/son for their number especially while still carrying out the job, no matter their age!

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 31/01/2022 19:02

I think the age thing is a bit of a red herring as it seems once he found out her age he's respectfully backed off.

However, as per a pp he should have offered his number so as to not put someone on the spot.

Original poster
SB1971 · 31/01/2022 19:03

Thanks again for the responses.
They had chatted a bit I think but no more than he had to me and there has always been me or my husband here.
I don’t know what I want the outcome to be-not for him to lose his job hence I won’t complain to the big firm we have booked the job with just the foreman for the installation.
Will have a chat with DH tonight on our best course of action as neither texting guy or the foreman were here this afternoon.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 19:06

@ChateauxNeufDePoop

I think the age thing is a bit of a red herring as it seems once he found out her age he's respectfully backed off.

However, as per a pp he should have offered his number so as to not put someone on the spot.

No. Once he was TOLD he was too old he backed off. He knew she wasn't anywhere near 30 FFS.
bcc89 · 31/01/2022 19:51

Whether you complain to the company or not, I'd use this as an opportunity to talk to your daughter about polite ways to say no to handing out her number... and impolite ones for times that might be more appropriate.

qwertykeys · 31/01/2022 21:05

He obviously thought she was older , once he found out her age he apologised and backed off . Can't see what harm he's done. Maybe a little unprofessional but that's all he's probably embarrassed.

Momicrone · 31/01/2022 21:31

Your dd needs to learn to say fuck off

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 21:41

@Momicrone

Your dd needs to learn to say fuck off
No, he needs to learn to fuck off.

Why the hell is a 17 yo supposed to know what's appropriate and a 30 yo isn't?

StoneofDestiny · 31/01/2022 22:04

Talk to the man direct and get your daughter to delete and block.

Original poster
SB1971 · 31/01/2022 22:28

Thanks again all.
Had a chat in person with DD and she was talking about staying with her friend until the work was done and we thought hang on that is not right.
I texted the foreman to say could we have a meeting before anyone came on site,he phoned straightaway.
I outlined what happened and he said that the guy would not be coming back to the house and apologised. I didn’t have to ask for that to happen.
I have also had a chat with my DD about just saying no to things she feels uncomfortable with, it did surprise me as she is very confident usually,she said she was so shocked.
It’s a good job none of this happened on Friday when my DDad was staying as am not sure his response would have been as measured.
Anyway onwards...

OP posts:
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