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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Complain about workmen?

119 replies

SB1971 · 31/01/2022 14:30

We are having our bathroom re-fitted and one of the men has asked by DD 17 for her number.
She felt awkward and gave it to him but having established he was almost 30 and she is just turned 17 that he was too old.
Non of the messages are rude etc and she should not have given him her number in the first place but I think I need to complain to his boss don't I?
It does not feel appropriate at all and now she will feel awkward in the house with him here - probably just tmrw afternoon and I will be here also.
I should complain shouldn't I?

OP posts:
gooseygoosey12345 · 31/01/2022 15:31

Guessing he didn't know she was under 18. He's not been rude or aggressive or intimidating. I think you should definitely have a word with your daughter about giving her number out, she needs to be able to say no. Probably not great that he approached her in her own home but as long as he was polite about it I can't really get angry. Especially as he apologised once he realised her age.

Coffeetree · 31/01/2022 15:31

@allthingsnaice

What would your complaint be?

He asked for her number, she gave it to him, they communicated, realised their ages were a bit far apart and none of the messages are rude.

I'm not sure what there is to complain about?

Are you for real? A minor in her own home?

Absolutely cannot believe the "Well she did give him her number.." responses. Kids have judgement lapses. That's why we safeguard minors.

And for those saying he might not have known: she's clearly young, living with her parents with a sparkly pink bedroom or whatever. Did he think she was 30?

MacauliflowerCulkin · 31/01/2022 15:32

@gooseygoosey12345

Guessing he didn't know she was under 18. He's not been rude or aggressive or intimidating. I think you should definitely have a word with your daughter about giving her number out, she needs to be able to say no. Probably not great that he approached her in her own home but as long as he was polite about it I can't really get angry. Especially as he apologised once he realised her age.
Totally agree.
helpfulperson · 31/01/2022 15:32

To be honest, that's how people used to meet. Bump into each other in various settings and exchange phone numbers. He backed off as soon as she said she was 17 so I don't see a problem

allthingsnaice · 31/01/2022 15:33

@Coffeetree

How was he to know she's a minor!

He's backed off and apologised for the inconvenience after being told her age.

What do you want, him sacked?!

Coffeetree · 31/01/2022 15:33

@BertieQueen

Did he know your daughter was only 17? He may have thought she was older.

As long as he hasn’t bothered her by constantly texting her when she has said she isn’t interested and the messages haven’t been rude etc then I can not see why you would complain.

Have you seen a 17 year old lately?
helpfulperson · 31/01/2022 15:34

And given how many 25 year olds still live at home it's likely he thought she was older.

PinkSyCo · 31/01/2022 15:34

Hmm not very professional of him but as he apologised straight away when he found out your DD’s age I would not complain about him no. I would however explain to my DD that she doesn’t have to do something just because a man asks her to. Your DD sounds lovely, but I think this is an important lesson to learn.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 15:34

I'm trying to think what would have happened to me at any job where I asked a minor for their number at 30 when they were 17. In their home. Gross misconduct is the least I think. I work in housing and any worker doing that wouldn't see the inside of a tenant's home again on my watch. All our caretakers avoid this kind of thing like the plague. Because they're not gibbering idiots.

When you are working in the home of a minor (even someone who could be a minor), you protect yourself from the slightest whiff of impropriety. And all the excuses. He may not have known her age? That's the reason not to ask for numbers if you don't. And don't tell me a 30 yo thought a 17 yo was 25. he didn't, he knew she was young. Our policy is no worker is alone with a minor. Avoids this kind of issue.

Raise it with his supervisor. He may have form.

BertieQueen · 31/01/2022 15:35

So once he knew her age and your daughter had said he was too old he apologised and has left alone. It’s over with, there is no need to complain to his boss.

Coffeetree · 31/01/2022 15:36

[quote allthingsnaice]@Coffeetree

How was he to know she's a minor!

He's backed off and apologised for the inconvenience after being told her age.

What do you want, him sacked?![/quote]
How was he to know she wasn't?! She's a kid in her parents' home. Unbelievable.

WhatisanODP · 31/01/2022 15:36

He apologised for the inconvenience and backed off when he realised her age.

Sounds like he was quite respectful to be honest! It’s brilliant your daughter told you, but what do you want to happen?

BertieQueen · 31/01/2022 15:37

@Coffeetree don’t understand what you mean by that? Of course I have seen many 17 year olds recently and many of them look a lot older then their age. I know many 14 year olds that could easily pass for over 18.

When I was 15 I looked older and was asked out by a man aged 23 he was shocked I was 15 and really embarrassed he had asked me out. There was no harm done. He didn’t pester me after.

Coffeetree · 31/01/2022 15:38

Well it's not really "over with" now if she's having to dodge a creepy guy in her own home for as long as the work lasts.

allthingsnaice · 31/01/2022 15:39

@Coffeetree

She's a kid in her parents home?! I've got friends my age (28!) living at home. I've got friends in their 30s living at home. I've got friends my age, living in their parents home, at college. Shocking I know! Not everyone living at home these days is a small child. Unbelievable.

He's not exactly gone to up to a child in a school uniform and asked for a number 🙄

The OP said he apologised when he found out her age.... so he clearly didn't know!

Coffeetree · 31/01/2022 15:40

Yes when I was 17 I was asked out by guys who thought I was 20 or whatever.

In social situations, not while I was in my own home doing homework, wtf?

ElftonWednesday · 31/01/2022 15:41

[quote BertieQueen]@Coffeetree don’t understand what you mean by that? Of course I have seen many 17 year olds recently and many of them look a lot older then their age. I know many 14 year olds that could easily pass for over 18.

When I was 15 I looked older and was asked out by a man aged 23 he was shocked I was 15 and really embarrassed he had asked me out. There was no harm done. He didn’t pester me after.[/quote]
Then you are horribly naïve. They are at work, in someone's home, it's not a dating service.

Coffeetree · 31/01/2022 15:43

How about just...not asking kids out when you're in their home?

So if you were single and 30, and working in a family home, you'd approach one of the young sons for a date because hey, maybe he's 18!

BertieQueen · 31/01/2022 15:45

@ElftonWednesday far from naive but thanks.
40 years ago my parents met as my father was working on my grandparents house. He asked my mother out and they have been together ever since.
People meet in all different circumstances.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 31/01/2022 15:46

I would treat it as a learning curve for her. She has learnt that she shouldn't give her number to random men. So I would be quite gratefule to him as he might have saved her from something much worse.

Coffeetree · 31/01/2022 15:47

I despair at threads like this, how the hell are girls meant to feel safe in the world when they're just treated like free game.

Aloha7373 · 31/01/2022 15:47

@Coffeetree

Yes when I was 17 I was asked out by guys who thought I was 20 or whatever.

In social situations, not while I was in my own home doing homework, wtf?

You seem intent on thinking this guy knew her birthdate as soon as he saw her and then decided to menacingly intimidate a child in her own home…

…He saw a girl he found attractive, asked for her number and then backed off. I literally can’t think of how he could have improved on what he did, other than to never speak to a female again (unless she’s wrinkled and bent double).

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 15:49

@ILoveAllRainbowsx

I would treat it as a learning curve for her. She has learnt that she shouldn't give her number to random men. So I would be quite gratefule to him as he might have saved her from something much worse.
And treat it as a learning curve for him. Ask ask random girls who are 17 in their own home, have a chat with your boss. Sounds like he has more of a learning curve than her.
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/01/2022 15:50

but I think I need to complain to his boss don't I?

Well, you can do. But you also need to talk to your daughter about boundaries and looking after herself.

Coffeetree · 31/01/2022 15:51

Yes, no matter she was in her own home, nowhere to escape to, and clearly very young. Not problematic at all.

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