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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Complain about workmen?

119 replies

SB1971 · 31/01/2022 14:30

We are having our bathroom re-fitted and one of the men has asked by DD 17 for her number.
She felt awkward and gave it to him but having established he was almost 30 and she is just turned 17 that he was too old.
Non of the messages are rude etc and she should not have given him her number in the first place but I think I need to complain to his boss don't I?
It does not feel appropriate at all and now she will feel awkward in the house with him here - probably just tmrw afternoon and I will be here also.
I should complain shouldn't I?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 15:52

…He saw a girl he found attractive, asked for her number and then backed off. I literally can’t think of how he could have improved on what he did, other than to never speak to a female again (unless she’s wrinkled and bent double).

Don't ask people out when you're at work. Surely that's pretty standard. Maybe don't ask girls out when they are approximately half your age, that's another good one. Don't ask people out in their own home. Don't ask someone out before you know their age. So many good choices.

Aloha7373 · 31/01/2022 15:54

Nowhere to “escape” to?!

Okay this is way too extreme. I’m out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 15:54

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

but I think I need to complain to his boss don't I?

Well, you can do. But you also need to talk to your daughter about boundaries and looking after herself.

How sad that people think the learning needed is 'men are creepy pigs' rather than 'don't act incredibly unprofessionally at work'. Women keep changing your behaviour because men won't.
MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 15:55

And what about, 'here's my number' instead. That should be standard.

Aloha7373 · 31/01/2022 15:56

@MrsTerryPratchett

…He saw a girl he found attractive, asked for her number and then backed off. I literally can’t think of how he could have improved on what he did, other than to never speak to a female again (unless she’s wrinkled and bent double).

Don't ask people out when you're at work. Surely that's pretty standard. Maybe don't ask girls out when they are approximately half your age, that's another good one. Don't ask people out in their own home. Don't ask someone out before you know their age. So many good choices.

BRB off to tell my husband he shouldn’t have asked me out at work.
BertieQueen · 31/01/2022 15:57

@Aloha7373

Nowhere to “escape” to?!

Okay this is way too extreme. I’m out.

I’m coming with you! Grin A couple of posters seem hellbent on having this bloke labelled as a creep and having him sacked.
Ponypizzy · 31/01/2022 15:57

The age issue aside I don’t think it’s appropriate to be asked out by someone who is likely to be working in your home or a regular visitor. It’s just awkward and uncomfortable and could be quite intimidating that’s why there are professional standards. He may not have meant any harm but he could do with someone having a quiet word so may be worth bringing up

BertieQueen · 31/01/2022 15:58

@MrsTerryPratchett

…He saw a girl he found attractive, asked for her number and then backed off. I literally can’t think of how he could have improved on what he did, other than to never speak to a female again (unless she’s wrinkled and bent double).

Don't ask people out when you're at work. Surely that's pretty standard. Maybe don't ask girls out when they are approximately half your age, that's another good one. Don't ask people out in their own home. Don't ask someone out before you know their age. So many good choices.

I met my sons father at work? Hmm Actually I have met most of my past boyfriends through work Grin
Flavabobble · 31/01/2022 16:03

World of difference between meeting someone 'at' work and in their own home. He put her in an awkward position - should've at least waited until the job was finished and given her an out.

Coffeetree · 31/01/2022 16:05

Really? A young-looking girl who he knows is a college student? Maybe 50-50 chance she's underage. He doesn't ... wait for the job to end and then discreetly find out her age?

He knew there was an excellent chance she was a child. But hey, worth a punt, right?

PrinnyPree · 31/01/2022 16:12

He didn't back off when he found out her age (in fact you said he knew she was in college so between 16-18) he apologised when your daughter told him he was too old for her, I would definitely be having a word!

Looubylou · 31/01/2022 16:20

He should not be asking for numbers from anyone else in a home in which he is already working, . Very unprofessional. He seems to have taken rejection appropriately, but I still think his boss should know. Not for him to be sacked, but for a serious word in his ear. I very much doubt he has had the sought of training that L/A, or Health professionals get regarding these matters.

user1471504747 · 31/01/2022 16:21

Presumably you hired him to work, not to chat up your teenage daughter.

Yes OP definitely report worthy what a creep

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 16:30

I've met a couple of boyfriends at work. Not the children of clients though. Also workers, and no one asked anyone out during work hours. And they weren't children.

2bazookas · 31/01/2022 16:32

I'd certainly complain; it was completely inappropriate.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 16:32

And maybe if you're poor at judging age, ask first. Maybe don't risk asking children out. Just a thought Hmm

Original poster
SB1971 · 31/01/2022 16:36

Thanks all and I appreciate the differing points of view on this - it's why I am so torn as to what to do.
I will definitely have the discussion about not doing things she doesn't feel comfortable with and I am really pleased she told me.
She says that she will feel awkward seeing him again which really shouldn't happen in your own home - it will just be tomorrow afternoon I think as she is out early but back by 1.30ish from college. I will be here the whole time working also so she is never on her own.
I think I will bring it up to him directly that is wasn't on and dependent on his reaction will then see whether to take it further.

OP posts:
jytdtysrht · 31/01/2022 16:39

Sounds gross. A 30yo asking for a child’s number in her own home. I can imagine how pressured she felt to give her number.

That said, he hasn’t committed any crime so you can’t report him to anyone. It’s good your dd has sorted it, but had she not, I would have spoken to him yourself and said are you aware you have asked a child for her phone number?

Yuckypretty · 31/01/2022 16:40

Even with both their ages out of the picture I think it's inappropriate. You're not making a legal complain you're just complaining to his boss. He shouldnt be using his work time to chat up women.

jytdtysrht · 31/01/2022 16:41

I would definitely encourage your dd to keep out of the house for the very short time it will take to finish the job and also bring it up with him directly.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 31/01/2022 16:48

I have no problem with people meeting others through work and pursuing romantic relationships, but it should be after they've worked together, not during.

Different if you're working in a large office or something but as a contractor working in someone's house, he should have waited to ask her for her number (or given her his ideally so she can make up her own mind).
I'd definitely have felt uncomfortable with someone being nearly twice my age who I knew fancied me working out of my home when I was only 17. Rightly or wrongly, I'd feel 'at risk'

OooohAhhhh · 31/01/2022 16:55

I absolutely would complain. He has gave your daughter unwanted attention. He asked for her number because he is heterosexual and she is female, so instead of getting on with his job in a professional manner, he has made your daughter feel uncomfortable and turned it sexual. Why should that be ok? This behaviour is not acceptable at all.

5keletor · 31/01/2022 16:57

Things go so differently on different threads with similar situations here.

If the issue is just professionalism, as has been previously stated - what about the poster however long ago who was being egged on to text the plumber who'd been doing work in her house to ask him to go for a drink with her after she'd posted to say she wanted to ask him out? Or the numerous posters who replied to say go for it, as they had met their husbands/partners when they'd come to do work on their houses? Were they not harassing workers who had simply come to do a job?

Honestly, I don't see a problem OP. He apologised, and they haven't communicated since.

Brainwave89 · 31/01/2022 17:01

It is not quite comparable, but I had a call center member of staff on my team who asked a customer for a date on a sales call. The customer complained and he was (in my view rightly), sacked. In this case I would have a word with foreman and whilst not make a big deal of it, make it clear this was inappropriate.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2022 17:05

@5keletor

Things go so differently on different threads with similar situations here.

If the issue is just professionalism, as has been previously stated - what about the poster however long ago who was being egged on to text the plumber who'd been doing work in her house to ask him to go for a drink with her after she'd posted to say she wanted to ask him out? Or the numerous posters who replied to say go for it, as they had met their husbands/partners when they'd come to do work on their houses? Were they not harassing workers who had simply come to do a job?

Honestly, I don't see a problem OP. He apologised, and they haven't communicated since.

Was the plumber 17?