To think he is not that interested?

Trippingslippingx1 · 2022-01-30T08:40:14+00:00

38/M I am 35/F Both never married and no kids Anyway after second date Friday night - concert, food and drink we smooched on street which waiting for taxi and arranged to meet this Friday and he said to me ‘I am looking to take things slow’. Yesterday we messaged a bit in the morning and I have not heard back from a question I asked? I mean the date seemed to go well from my end but maybe he has changed his mind. My heart always sinks when they say anything along the lines of ‘go slow’ ‘go with the flow’. Let me know what you all think. AIBM (Am I being mental) 🤣

Darbs76 · 30/01/2022 08:42

Sounds like he just wants something casual. If you don’t I’d drop out of this now

LittleKitten1 · 30/01/2022 08:46

I wouldn't rule it out yet. Perhaps he genuinely does just want to take things slow. But keep your options very much open and don't invest too much in this. Don't use too much of your headspace on him either.

FWIW I have had a thread this week about the guy I am seeing not being as in to me as I am to him. So probably best to completely ignore any advice from me, don't know why I posted! I'm a (heartbroken) mess!

Good luck with it all.

DarlingCoffee · 30/01/2022 08:48

Too soon to tell! But I would pull back on all the texts you send him.

Itonlytakesonetree · 30/01/2022 08:50

It's been 2 dates. If your plan is marriage by the 4th then clearly you are on different pages. Otherwise, just chill out and see how it goes. Currently you are strangers getting to know each other, why should he be more invested?

DrSbaitso · 30/01/2022 08:52

Men who are interested will let you know somehow.

3scape · 30/01/2022 08:53

I'd not text again (unless necessary), just see what happens. It could be well be he does not want to jump into something. But he could also be trying to disengage.

Iamthewombat · 30/01/2022 08:56

@DrSbaitso

Men who are interested will let you know somehow.

This. If you asked him a question by text yesterday morning and he hasn’t replied, he’s not that bothered. Especially with the ‘taking it slow’ thing, which is code for “I’m not that bothered”.

Of course his phone might be out of order or he might have had his heart broken such that ‘taking it slow’ means ‘I must guard my heart against the violent passion I feel for you’, or he might be at the bottom of a crevasse unable to get to his phone, but you sound smart enough to read the tea leaves.

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 09:00

Yes I am certainly one for tea leaves
I have predicted many outcomes in situationships others never seen coming 🤣

I do not think I am going to bother with this one again
In fairness he did put effort into our two dates - loads of sweet talk and paying etc. Did seem like he was wanting relationship and not just casual / sex - I think he has just gone off me for whatever reason.

OP posts:

custardbear · 30/01/2022 09:02

Perhaps he's saying he's in it for the long haul, not wham, bam,thank you I'm off ?

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 09:03

@LittleKitten1

I wouldn't rule it out yet. Perhaps he genuinely does just want to take things slow. But keep your options very much open and don't invest too much in this. Don't use too much of your headspace on him either.

FWIW I have had a thread this week about the guy I am seeing not being as in to me as I am to him. So probably best to completely ignore any advice from me, don't know why I posted! I'm a (heartbroken) mess!

Good luck with it all.

Bless you little kitten ❤️ I think its always useful to get advice from others but when someone is not into you it can be for a whole host of reasons - it can even be something they are not aware of themselves!

It is just important to read the early signs - get some validation you are not being totally ridiculous and make plans accordingly.

I am sorry you are so heart broken - ❤️ Lots of wine and hugs ❤️ There are loads of these wishy washy types around. Remember it is like mosiquitos - they are attracted to everyone and can bite everyone; but if you have the right repellent sprays and medication - you do not get bitten or get malaria.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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TheGoogleMum · 30/01/2022 09:04

If he was really keen he'd reply to messages I think

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 09:05

@custardbear

Perhaps he's saying he's in it for the long haul, not wham, bam,thank you I'm off ?

Yes could be actually. Never thought of it that that way. Not going to message him again for now. He can reply to my beetroot salad question 🤣❤️

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Nowomenaroundeh · 30/01/2022 09:05

Yeah I wouldn't be bothered texting for the foreseeable. I'd let him to lots of the running if he reappears.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 30/01/2022 09:06

He did say he wanted to take it slow to be fair.

There could be anything going on in his head, maybe he’s just not a keen texter, maybe he’s weighing up a few options, maybe he’s still thinking about someone else despite liking you too, maybe he’s deliberately not being too drawn in because he’s been hurt before.

I wouldn’t stress about him not replying to a message especially if you’ve already arranged your next date.

I’d go on a couple more dates to find out more.

Iamthewombat · 30/01/2022 09:06

I think he has just gone off me for whatever reason.

More fool him. This happened all the time to me and my friends when we were on the dating scene. We surmised that the men in question had this idealised image of their perfect woman and projected it on a range of dates until they realised that you didn’t quite fit the template. Didn’t like windsurfing, or Led Zeppelin, or were a bit too independent, or reminded them of a relative they didn’t get on with, or something. Don’t take it personally.

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 09:10

@Iamthewombat

I think he has just gone off me for whatever reason.

More fool him. This happened all the time to me and my friends when we were on the dating scene. We surmised that the men in question had this idealised image of their perfect woman and projected it on a range of dates until they realised that you didn’t quite fit the template. Didn’t like windsurfing, or Led Zeppelin, or were a bit too independent, or reminded them of a relative they didn’t get on with, or something. Don’t take it personally.

Totally. I am far too long in the field now.

I have no plans to text again after my beetroot salad question - if he wants to see me again he can message me. Learned the hard way to never run after these types.

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HTH1 · 30/01/2022 09:13

Yes, pull back OP and let him do all the running (and whatever you do, don’t shag him as he will probably then throw the “I said I wanted to take it slow” thing back in your face before disappearing into the sunset).

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 09:15

@HTH1

Yes, pull back OP and let him do all the running (and whatever you do, don’t shag him as he will probably then throw the “I said I wanted to take it slow” thing back in your face before disappearing into the sunset).

Ohhh of course 🤣 He is not getting these knickers down anytime soon. 😂

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Useranon1 · 30/01/2022 09:17

Maybe he just didn't feel any chemistry in the kiss?

MsJaneAusten · 30/01/2022 09:18

Okay, I’ll bite. What on earth did you ask him about beetroot salad?

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 09:20

@MsJaneAusten

Okay, I’ll bite. What on earth did you ask him about beetroot salad?

I knew someone would.

I said I was at the juicy bar and sent a pic - he said wow I love beetroot I might get some today. I said ‘will you make a beetroot salad?’

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 09:22

@Useranon1

Maybe he just didn't feel any chemistry in the kiss?

It was awkward because it was on the street - when loads of drunk people around and making comments about our passion session. It was no idea. I felt awkward!

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something2say · 30/01/2022 09:23

Maybe he didnt want to have a long text conversation. Maybe he was online reading all his things he likes to read.

Not texting again is definitely the right thing to do.

DrSbaitso · 30/01/2022 09:24

I always think I'll get flamed for this, but I never do, so maybe it's not as controversial as I think. I don't think women should pursue men. That's not because I think we are pretty passive princesses who must let men make the decisions. It's because I find men will rarely turn down the chance of a sexual relationship if it's made a possibility, even if they are pretty indifferent or ambivalent about the woman, and it leads to relationships where they make no effort and aren't all in. Men are generally pretty good at pursuing what they want, and so if they let you know their interest (in a healthy way, obviously), it's a much better indication that they do truly like you and are prepared to make some effort for you.

I don't think women should be hanging around the phone waiting for them. Go off and live your life. Do active stuff. Just don't pursue him.

I am aware there will be exceptions, but in real life I've never seen this lead to a relationship that I'd want to have.

x2boys · 30/01/2022 09:27

I think your overthinking it ,you have been on two dates ,if you like him see him again
Maybe he's not feeling it for whatever reason ,or maybe he was just busy when you messaged him ?