To think he is not that interested?

[Trippingslippingx1]

38/M I am 35/F
Both never married and no kids

Anyway after second date Friday night - concert, food and drink we smooched on street which waiting for taxi and arranged to meet this Friday and he said to me ‘I am looking to take things slow’. Yesterday we messaged a bit in the morning and I have not heard back from a question I asked?

I mean the date seemed to go well from my end but maybe he has changed his mind.

My heart always sinks when they say anything along the lines of ‘go slow’ ‘go with the flow’.

Let me know what you all think. AIBM (Am I being mental) 🤣

@Trippingslippingx1

I said I was going out with girlfriends on Thursday this week and he said ‘make sure you stay away from any boys’. 😂

I have no idea how he has the audacity to say that when he is clearly not taking me off the market.

Ask him what he’s playing at!

@Etsylicious

Ask him what he’s playing at!

What do I say?

Sometimes he seems so interested - On Sunday night he emailed me a picture he painted etc and on after facetime he was messaging loads? Then he just disappears for a few days.

You seem to want daily contact and constant messages from him? Is this what dating is like these days? ‘Disappeared for days’ so what? Why does he have to message you every day when he barely knows you?

I thought you were going to stop texting him? Just leave it for a while and stop over analysing everything.

Maybe he is a nice guy. He just doesn’t feel the need to text all the time.

@Delatron

You seem to want daily contact and constant messages from him? Is this what dating is like these days? ‘Disappeared for days’ so what? Why does he have to message you every day when he barely knows you?

I thought you were going to stop texting him? Just leave it for a while and stop over analysing everything.

Maybe he is a nice guy. He just doesn’t feel the need to text all the time.

Thanks

Hmmm... I think I'd be throwing him back or at least mentally having a point at which you will. It's all in the momentum and the pattern as far as I was concerned when dating. It doesn't actually matter if it's slow as long as there is some momentum there.

At the start, DP and I had one or two chatty messages per evening (he couldn't really message in the day from work) plus a date roughly once a week as we didn't live very near and both had commitments. But I never felt like it was stop/start.

I had a few short term relationships while dating and all the men who didn't have that momentum in the beginning, it didn't go anywhere with and I wasted too much time and energy on them.

@Trippingslippingx1

Oh yes!

There is no way in Gods good earth am I messaging this one again after beetroot gate. I will take it as a lesson to never mention salad preparation in the courting phase.

OP, you'd be easier in your mind if you could simply allow yourself to believe that a man who you have met twice doesn't need to conform to your (unstated to him!) texting expectations, enjoy the messages he does send, & take things date by date for a few weeks.

If I was dating someone, & we'd set the next date before saying goodbye on the current one, I'd be assessing their interest in me on the strength of that, not how many times he texted in between.

As to the re-arranging a recent date - stop putting so much store by it! If it's a blip, you don't need to over-react. If it becomes a pattern of behaviour over a few weeks - walk away.

It's natural to want to feel some predictability, it helps us feel in control. But on a sample of 2 (or is it 3 now?) dates so far, you haven't exactly established a credible data set to be making assumptions on. Chill your boots! - if you want to see him again, take it slow, as he suggested.

Having banged on at length about this, I realised I could only be arsed to because you are bloody hilarious btw -
he said wow I love beetroot I might get some today. I said ‘will you make a beetroot salad?’

• this was a rookie error, Trippings. He was roasting those beetroots for a borscht, & is now too busy posting on dadsnet for advice to respond to you. PP's are telling him it's a basic incompatibility issue & he should ditch & run. But he keeps thinking back to that kiss, & your sense of humour, & no beet-based stance is going to dissuade him.

@Trippingslippingx1

Sometimes he seems so interested - On Sunday night he emailed me a picture he painted etc and on after facetime he was messaging loads? Then he just disappears for a few days.

On Sunday night he was free to arse about texting with you.

On the other days, he was getting a life.

The texting pattern of a virtual stranger is not something to base any genuine assessment of their character on. Save that for real life.

He didn't disappear. He just doesn't know you yet, & neither is he aware of your requirements for a texting schedule.

@ChargingBuck

Love your advice ❤️
I do need to chill like
We havent even shagged yet 😂 Can you imagine my AIBUs after that. Stay tuned.

@ChargingBuck

I also agree a texting pattern is a doubtful way to gauge someones interest
I have had married men / cheaters and straight up perverts be able to text constantly and it was in no way reflection of their intent towards me. Quite the opposite of pure intentions come to think of it.