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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he is not that interested?

111 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 08:40

38/M I am 35/F
Both never married and no kids

Anyway after second date Friday night - concert, food and drink we smooched on street which waiting for taxi and arranged to meet this Friday and he said to me ‘I am looking to take things slow’. Yesterday we messaged a bit in the morning and I have not heard back from a question I asked?

I mean the date seemed to go well from my end but maybe he has changed his mind.

My heart always sinks when they say anything along the lines of ‘go slow’ ‘go with the flow’.

Let me know what you all think. AIBM (Am I being mental) 🤣

OP posts:
AlbertBridge · 30/01/2022 10:15

I think he said "take it slow" as an explanation of why he wasn't trying to drag you home for a shag. These days men feel almost duty bound to try for a rapid shag.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 10:16

@AlbertBridge have you thought about setting up a tiktok or love dating communication channel? You do have some great insights. Wish I had you with my yesterday morning in the juice bar before turning his fantasy into a BBC Good Food guide.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 10:17

@Iamthewombat

On threads of this type, where it is obvious that the man isn’t particularly committed after a couple of dates, someone always, ALWAYS comes along in the first two pages to sagely inform the OP that she is “overthinking it”. This thread hasn’t let me down.

The hilarious beribboned book thread from last year - which turned out to be made up - was awash with posters telling the OP that she was overthinking it and egging her on to contact a man who wasn’t responding to her texts.

I nearly replied to it.

‘Theres always one…’ 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 10:17

@AlbertBridge

I think he said "take it slow" as an explanation of why he wasn't trying to drag you home for a shag. These days men feel almost duty bound to try for a rapid shag.
I actually agree with this. I think he is looking for relationship. Perhaps just not with me.
OP posts:
AlbertBridge · 30/01/2022 10:18

@Iamthewombat

True! There's always the reply "Well, you're not texting him either. He probably thinks you're being rude!" Then suggestions to invite the uninterested man over for a home-cooked dinner and a bunk up. Anything else is just reckless throwing away of happiness.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 10:19

Oh yes!

There is no way in Gods good earth am I messaging this one again after beetroot gate. I will take it as a lesson to never mention salad preparation in the courting phase.

OP posts:
Delatron · 30/01/2022 10:21

Stop texting him random boring questions! In fact stop texting him full stop. You barely know him. You’ve been on 2 dates. Why even overthink this.

He sounded keen when he messaged you about the massage. But then you’ve clearly overdone the texting after that.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 10:21

[quote AlbertBridge]@Iamthewombat

True! There's always the reply "Well, you're not texting him either. He probably thinks you're being rude!" Then suggestions to invite the uninterested man over for a home-cooked dinner and a bunk up. Anything else is just reckless throwing away of happiness. [/quote]
In a similar note its the ones who text them paragraphs and call them out on ghosting behaviour. Or try to have a conversation about ‘where things are going’.

He aint reading those paragraphs, he does not give two hoots about ghosting you, and if you have to ask - its going nowhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 10:23

@Delatron

Stop texting him random boring questions! In fact stop texting him full stop. You barely know him. You’ve been on 2 dates. Why even overthink this.

He sounded keen when he messaged you about the massage. But then you’ve clearly overdone the texting after that.

I sent him two messages - saying ‘i am en route to the massage’ with a screen shot of the juice. He then replied ‘i am going to get some beetroot today too from lidl’ - I replied ‘are you going to put it into a salad’.

This was at 0930.

I have not messaged him since. It is hardly overdoing the messages. He just is not interested.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 30/01/2022 10:26

But is he not interested in you or not interested in beetroot? That's the question!

Go on the next date if you enjoyed the last one. See how it goes.

AlbertBridge · 30/01/2022 10:26

😂

All is not lost over saladgate. Men think about sex every, what, 0.9 seconds? You accidentally cold-showered his Saturday frenzy, but he'll have plenty more.

Please don't fall into the all-or-nothing way of thinking. Things don't have to be perfect.

I actually don't think it's that bad that he hasn't replied to your home economics message. People get busy. He probably lost the day to PornHub massage videos. Shit happens. He'll probably contact you today or tomorrow. Just don't jump to reply straight away. Definitely don't say anything that suggests his lack of reply affected how you thought about him/dating/beetroot/the chance you have of a long and happy future together...

It's not a red flag that he didn't reply. HONESTLY. Not yet. It's not Wuthering Heights, but it's also not He's Just Not That Into You.

Notarealmum · 30/01/2022 10:27

Give the guy a break. Maybe he was stuck for a reply? Or thought you were just making a joke about the salad? I mean, it’s not like he’s left an important question hanging is it?? 😂

Delatron · 30/01/2022 10:27

I think it is too many messages.
His reply about beetroot salad was not a question so didn’t need a reply. Then you wouldn’t be stressing over why he didn’t reply?!

Where does it end with texts? It’s better not to answer if it’s not a question then you’re not the one left worrying about a lack of reply/interest.

If you hadn’t replied to him would you still be thinking he’s not interested?

AlbertBridge · 30/01/2022 10:28

He then replied ‘i am going to get some beetroot today too from lidl’

He's probably cringeing at his own mundane messaging. "Lidl" is not a word that should EVER been used in a dating situation.

Mammyloveswine · 30/01/2022 10:28

@AlbertBridge

He then replied ‘i am going to get some beetroot today too from lidl’

He's probably cringeing at his own mundane messaging. "Lidl" is not a word that should EVER been used in a dating situation.

GrinGrin
Delatron · 30/01/2022 10:29

I mean it was a very boring message about Lidl. I would not have dignified it with a reply.

AlbertBridge · 30/01/2022 10:29

Maybe "beetroot salad" is in fact urban slang for a truly disgusting sexual activity, and he is too shocked to reply, or sprained his wrist picturing it?

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 10:30

@AlbertBridge

😂

All is not lost over saladgate. Men think about sex every, what, 0.9 seconds? You accidentally cold-showered his Saturday frenzy, but he'll have plenty more.

Please don't fall into the all-or-nothing way of thinking. Things don't have to be perfect.

I actually don't think it's that bad that he hasn't replied to your home economics message. People get busy. He probably lost the day to PornHub massage videos. Shit happens. He'll probably contact you today or tomorrow. Just don't jump to reply straight away. Definitely don't say anything that suggests his lack of reply affected how you thought about him/dating/beetroot/the chance you have of a long and happy future together...

It's not a red flag that he didn't reply. HONESTLY. Not yet. It's not Wuthering Heights, but it's also not He's Just Not That Into You.

If he messages me I wont say a thing I will not bring up beetroots or any other root vegetable

I remember once I was seeing this guy - like 2 or 3 dates and oh my god was he intense. It was such a turn off. I went to my friends and he was asking all the questions and all and why did I not text him back blah blah. He was like ‘why can you go to hers and not mines’ 😂🤣

See if he had said nothing and just left it for a few days I probably would have seen him again. It works for both sexes

OP posts:
billy1966 · 30/01/2022 10:31

OP,
You sound clued in.

When they are interested you know, when they are not, you are confused.

I think texting is over rated.

Keep it to a minimum.
Leave on read.
Men love unavailability.

Old fashioned, but true.

Glad to read you won't contact him again.
Move on.

Flowers
slashlover · 30/01/2022 10:32

I always wonder how a person can take it slow if they're crazy in love. So, taking it slow shouldn't last long as a phase.

It's been two dates!

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 30/01/2022 10:32

I am actually pissing myself laughing about the beetroot and lidl responses 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 30/01/2022 10:33

In my experience men who like you make it abundantly clear one way or another. Him being 'meh' about it means he likes you enough but doesn't feel that electricity. Happens all the time but you sound like a good egg.

MsJaneAusten · 30/01/2022 10:36

Is the ‘beetroot from Lidl’ message not a piss take? Like, you’re off to a posh juice bar and massage so he’s contrasting it with Lidl?

HerBigChance · 30/01/2022 10:36

Whenever anyone says 'go with the flow', I always ask myself who's deciding what that 'flow' is.

Bringsexyback · 30/01/2022 10:38

I actually said those very words I want to take things slow last night to a guy that I am extremely interested in and I am and I’m more than happy to hang out with him kiss the face off and do things together and enjoy each other’s company I’m just not quite ready to go to 3rd base.
We will just not immediately