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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To be fed up of smaller portions for women

194 replies

hennaoj · 29/01/2022 19:21

Fed up of constantly being given the smaller fish, steak, piece of cake in resturants than my husband, I'm taller than him! I'm not on a sodding diet and nor do I need to be on one. Today I was even given a smaller fish than my 13 year old son! Its bad enough that gluten free fish at chippys tend to be smaller anyway for whatever reason, so this ended up being miniscule than everyone elses as my 13 year old son is also a coeliac.

OP posts:
Undertheoldlindentree · 30/01/2022 06:37

I think most posters have the wrong end of the stick here.

OP is not saying this is done in the restaurant kitchen - pretty obvious to all that they work on standard portions. But differences can occur when plating up two or more of the same meal ...a bigger fondant potato; larger piece of broccoli; a few more sweet potato fries in whatever container is trendy that week - or a slightly bigger portion of risotto and, yes, a larger looking fish.

The chef will have no intention in this, just natural variation. The OP is just saying that the server/waiter tends to hand her the visually smaller portion and put the larger down in front of a male companion.

I've experienced this sometimes, but not enough to know whether it's just me feeling greedy....whereas I wouldn't even register if it was the other way around.

knittingaddict · 30/01/2022 07:12

@JurgensCakeBabyJesus

I quite like a beer in the summer and DH likes a G&T, most of the time he is given the beer if it's table service
This definitely happens and always makes me smile. My husband is the latte drinker and I often have a espresso. 99% of the time I get the latte placed in front of me. Other food choices seem to be gendered too.

Having said that, I have never been given a smaller portion than him when eating out and we eat out a lot. Food portions tend to be quite strictly controlled. I wonder where op is eating?

BigYellowHat · 30/01/2022 07:20

Where do you live? This has literally never happened in my entire life and I’m coming up for 40. Are you sure you’re not imagining it as there will always be very slight differences in portion sizes but unless you’re getting out your tape measure then it’ll be hard to tell 😂

SartresSoul · 30/01/2022 07:24

I’ve never personally experienced this but I do remember my Mum always getting half a lager instead of a full one which I found really odd at the time. The men always had a full one, women half. Like lager is ever classy anyway but, you know, totally uncouth for a laaaady to drink a full pint.

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 07:24

@hennaoj

It was a chippy with a restuarant, we were eating in. It tends to happen when having steak. I'm not inspecting plates but it can be really quite noticable! Of course it won't be the chef, they don't serve the food.
I too am surprised this is happening. Could you just swap the plates over if it genuinely is an issue.
HogDogKetchup · 30/01/2022 07:26

I’ve never experienced this.

Thatsplentyjack · 30/01/2022 07:27

@hennaoj

It was a chippy with a restuarant, we were eating in. It tends to happen when having steak. I'm not inspecting plates but it can be really quite noticable! Of course it won't be the chef, they don't serve the food.
Weird that everytime you eat out you all get the same thing.
BigYellowHat · 30/01/2022 07:31

@DynamiteFilledRadish
@WaningMoon
The thing is OP, as a general rule men do need more calories than women. Nothing to do with having more physical jobs etc etc , it is basic biology- men are built differently to women, they have denser bones and bigger muscles- which means they need more calories. You being tall might mean you need more calories than a smaller woman, but it won’t be anywhere near the intake required for a man

I knew someone would be along to say this. Like clockwork**

What science? 🤔

CirreltheSquirrel · 30/01/2022 07:32

I haven't really noticed it much with portion sizes, but we do get assumptions about who is eating/drinking what. My OH is vegetarian and drinks less alcohol than I do. He usually drives and will have a soft drink or a half. He often gets the meat and the alcohol placed in front of him and we need to swop.

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 07:35

@CirreltheSquirrel

I haven't really noticed it much with portion sizes, but we do get assumptions about who is eating/drinking what. My OH is vegetarian and drinks less alcohol than I do. He usually drives and will have a soft drink or a half. He often gets the meat and the alcohol placed in front of him and we need to swop.
I never get this, we are always asked and then the dishes placed.
SamMil · 30/01/2022 07:38

I've literally never had this happen to me.

I have also worked as a waitress and it wouldn't have occurred to me. If you were both having the same meal, I'd put them down depending on which hand they were in relative to where you were sitting...

HogDogKetchup · 30/01/2022 07:42

[quote BigYellowHat]@DynamiteFilledRadish
@WaningMoon
The thing is OP, as a general rule men do need more calories than women. Nothing to do with having more physical jobs etc etc , it is basic biology- men are built differently to women, they have denser bones and bigger muscles- which means they need more calories. You being tall might mean you need more calories than a smaller woman, but it won’t be anywhere near the intake required for a man

I knew someone would be along to say this. Like clockwork**

What science? 🤔[/quote]
Do you think restaurants and serving staff have this at the forefront of their minds when preparing and serving food?

Really?

DropYourSword · 30/01/2022 07:47

Are the people who regularly receive the wrong plate just completely ignoring waitstaff as they approach. Not a single verbal or visual cue to help them out if they didn't take your order?!

HogDogKetchup · 30/01/2022 07:52

@DropYourSword

Are the people who regularly receive the wrong plate just completely ignoring waitstaff as they approach. Not a single verbal or visual cue to help them out if they didn't take your order?!
I’m also wondering if in reality it’s just chance which plate they get. If doesn’t happen every single time you have a 50% chance of getting the bigger portion each time.
Fairylightsongs · 30/01/2022 07:53

OP is not saying this is done in the restaurant kitchen - pretty obvious to all that they work on standard portions. But differences can occur when plating up two or more of the same meal ...a bigger fondant potato; larger piece of broccoli; a few more sweet potato fries in whatever container is trendy that week - or a slightly bigger portion of risotto and, yes, a larger looking fish

This doesn’t really make much sense, they plate up in the kitchen. Steak is served by weight, an eight oz cut of sirloin is an eight oz cut of sirloin two shouldn’t look noticeably different. If they do, something is wrong.

A bit of fish can look different but very rare to the extent that one is minuscule and the other huge. Unless one was ordered large.

CaptainCabinets · 30/01/2022 07:54

@AutomaticMoon

Men also get longer antibiotic treatment for UTI and the short 3 day ones women get can even cause resistance, they are insufficient.
That’s because men have a longer and more complicated urinary tract than women, it’s not a sexism thing Confused
MooSakah · 30/01/2022 07:59

@DropYourSword

Are the people who regularly receive the wrong plate just completely ignoring waitstaff as they approach. Not a single verbal or visual cue to help them out if they didn't take your order?!
I know! I don't get how it's happening. I've never had a meal just plonked in front of me with no interaction. I cam only imagine I'm not going to posh enough places.
HairyShins · 30/01/2022 08:11

I call them "Penis portions". I've not really noticed it when we're out, apart from one place.
However the in-laws are dreadful for it. The men get extra meat, an extra yorkshire pudding, extra pudding and unforgivably, extra roasties. They also get first pick of any seconds!
My husband didn't believe me. I had to subtley prove that the women's portions were the same size as the children's!

Alayalaya · 30/01/2022 08:36

Gluten free portions are just always smaller, it’s nothing to do with sex 🤷‍♀️

TheresSomebodyAtTheDoorNeil · 30/01/2022 08:41

I like a good moan more than most on here and I usually find something to rant about...... But I definitely think you're reaching on this occasion. Because this does not happen.

SirYawnsAlot · 30/01/2022 08:44

I'm surprised so many haven't experienced pen!s portions. Our local chip shop used to do this, fish lined up in the window of the heater and they always selected from the wall side but if a woman was ordering they would go down the line of fish and select a smaller one. As a woman, it was better value to buy a small fish as there wasn't much difference in size.
Seen it in restaurants too, same meal, 1/4 chicken but woman given the smaller bird or cut.
Generally it is an easy option for the restaurants as women are less likely to complain and don't want to appear greedy.

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/01/2022 08:44

This has never happened to me but my DH usually gets handed the meat and I get given the vege dish when it should be the other way round.

doadeer · 30/01/2022 08:47

I've never been given a smaller portion in a restaurant. But then I would serve myself a smaller portion as my DH is 6ft 4 and we don't need to eat the same.

Chemenger · 30/01/2022 08:57

I always serve myself a smaller portions because I know I don’t eat as much as the men in the family. Never had it in a restaurant, where portions are invariably too big for me (frustratingly; I’d like to eat more delicious food but I hate feeling stuffed!). My MIL takes it too far, however with half a sandwich for women etc. but then she does have a small appetite herself. My FIL can eat an enormous amount of food so she probably bases her portions in the ratio of his portion to hers, unsurprising since she’s lived with him for 60 years.

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 09:09

@HairyShins

I call them "Penis portions". I've not really noticed it when we're out, apart from one place. However the in-laws are dreadful for it. The men get extra meat, an extra yorkshire pudding, extra pudding and unforgivably, extra roasties. They also get first pick of any seconds! My husband didn't believe me. I had to subtley prove that the women's portions were the same size as the children's!
Oh yes I mean it happens to me all the time at the in laws. Just never when I've paid for it