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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Petty pils, didn't wait for us, then moaned about fils old tux

559 replies

Hisanimalgrace · 28/01/2022 21:20

Going to an event, we were massively delayed in traffic getting to pils .They couldn't wait for us.
So when we arrived they were leaving and mil clocked our friend in pils old tux which dh had leant him, an old 80s thing.??

Dh served us done drinks by which point fil was calling dh saying if we didn't leave immediately we wouldn't get a space in the car park! When we got to the car park it was half empty.
Mil then questioned dh about the tux friend wearing as she felt it was actually fils old one and that was for dh not to give away.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 28/01/2022 22:50

I don't understand why, if you were massively late, you decided to go in their house and relax for 30 minutes when they weren't even there?! Surely you were all meant to to go to the event together? They clearly didn't want to be late and we're stressed out by your group just relaxing and having drinks. OK you'd had a 50 minute journey in traffic but its not THAT long a journey! It's not like you drove for 6 hours and really needed a rest. Maybe the tux had sentimental value for FIL and they were a bit miffed seeing someone else wearing it. Can you really not see any of this from their perspective?

LeQuern · 28/01/2022 22:51

Can’t work out if I’ve had too much or not enough wine.

covilha · 28/01/2022 22:53

Someone upthread has already explained generational attitude differences. Did you read that OP?

Are you normally this defensive?

Sally872 · 28/01/2022 22:53

Not wanting to leave you in the house does not mean you aren't trusted. The point of going was surely to see PILs not just for the drink?

You were late which is unavoidable. Bit entitled to expect pils to wait to have drinks or to leave you to their drinks without them.

Are you that bothered about 30 mins to sit and have a drink? Surely you would do that and relax at the event?

Motnight · 28/01/2022 22:54

Who is Petty 🤔

Notonthestairs · 28/01/2022 22:54

Nobody needs a rest after an hour in the car. Loo stop, sort tie, off you go.

Aprilx · 28/01/2022 22:54

@Hisanimalgrace

Who?Wine me or mil?
You! You are making no sense whatsoever.
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 28/01/2022 22:56

@Polkmn

Are you the sane OP that gate crashed PILS dinner party they were having with old friends and then started making eyes at the expensive champagne?

Anyway, even if not, you are entirely unreasonable to turn up late when plans have been made and then doss about in PILS house drinking and relaxing when you'd made arrangements to attend an evening out with them

Ooh yes I remember this one. Very similar posting style.
Breezy123 · 28/01/2022 22:57

Are you wired to the moon op?

thefirstmrsrochester · 28/01/2022 22:58

I feel sorry for your PILs.

CheshireChat · 28/01/2022 22:59

I think it's weird to remain in PIL's house while they headed out to a venue when you're all going together. Of course they shooed you out.

queenmeadhbh · 28/01/2022 23:02

Say my sister and her husband who I trust entirely were supposed to be coming over to our house for 7, for a drink and a chat before leaving at 8.30 to go to an event.

If they got delayed and arrived at our house at 8.25 I wouldn’t be cross at the unavoidable delay, but I would be completely Confused x1000 if sis and husband said, well you two go on, we will stay at yours and have a sit down and a drink and join you later.
The issue isn’t that I don’t trust them but that it is socially completely bizarre!

RedHelenB · 28/01/2022 23:03

@Hisanimalgrace

Baked tatties

Actually I think not being able to trust us in their house is quite a big issue?
And does everything have to be a huge heavy issues?

If it was me I'd be like...you poor things have a rest get yourselves together...have the drink and hopefully catch up with you down there.

A rest from a 50 minute car journey? Yab so unreasonable, I feel sorry for your ILs.
Original poster
Hisanimalgrace · 28/01/2022 23:03

Ok so you're expecting your son to meet you at yours to sort of have pre drinks at event you live in the town.

Unfortunately your son and wife and friends are late.

So instead of saying...relax..have a drink. Hopefully we'll see you down there..you actually panic and desperately try and get them out? Why???

OP posts:
Piggy42 · 28/01/2022 23:04

I’m confused. You wanted to rest so you could be even later to the event? I think Yabu

Original poster
Hisanimalgrace · 28/01/2022 23:05

Being stuck in a car not knowing how long you Will be is stressful though!
Didn't some survey once say being stuck anywhere is hugely stressful?

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 28/01/2022 23:05

Why?!
Because you were late therefore there is less time to do stuff.
That's the whole thing about being late Hmm.

Cordeliathecat · 28/01/2022 23:09

@Hisanimalgrace

Being stuck in a car not knowing how long you Will be is stressful though! Didn't some survey once say being stuck anywhere is hugely stressful?
But you didn’t find being late stressful. In fact, you were so unstressed about being late you were happy to sit and relax and make yourself half an hour even later!
NatashaBedwouldbenice · 28/01/2022 23:11

I just can’t.

scratchedfloor · 28/01/2022 23:11

You were in the car for 50 minutes not 3 hours.. you didn't need to 'relax' before the event. You should have gone to the loo and then to the event. MIL wasn't irritated that you were held up in traffic, she was irritated that you were going to be late to the event because you wanted to relax at her house. You were rude. That's why she wanted to get you out of the house, not because she didn't trust you.
As for the tux, she was surprised to see your friend in her husband's old tux.

scratchedfloor · 28/01/2022 23:13

And if you're at the event now you're still being rude by fiddling on your phone on mumsnet rather than being present at the event.

harrystylestaylorswift · 28/01/2022 23:14

@Hisanimalgrace

Being stuck in a car not knowing how long you Will be is stressful though! Didn't some survey once say being stuck anywhere is hugely stressful?
They're stressed because they want to go to the event and didn't know how long you'd be in traffic. They probably just wanted to lock the house and have a stress-free evening after all the drama of being late. You're not entitled to doss about in their house, making everyone even more late. If they'd have been late arriving to your house and then rushed everyone out, that would be a different story. Surely if you were so stressed about the car journey, you'd just want to get to where you're meant to be going, not delay matters even more. Hopefully you haven't got plans for tomorrow - I could see a pretty nasty hangover coming your way!
maddy68 · 28/01/2022 23:16

Wow. You are clearly drunk and totally disrespectful to your in laws

Original poster
Hisanimalgrace · 28/01/2022 23:22

The flip side is...in laws stay, socialise with family for half an hour and we all go relaxed, loo etc bearing in mind we were in different areas when there?

Arnt pre drinks sometimes they best bit Shock

OP posts:
PinkArt · 28/01/2022 23:23

You needed a rest and relax after traveling for less time than most people commute for every day?!
As others have said it was nothing to do with your PILs not trusting you in their house, more that what you did after arriving late was incredibly weird behaviour. Most people would apologise for the hold up, ask to nip in for the urgent wee and then all head straight back out as it's already the time you'd all planned to set off.