School "lost" my vulnerable ADHD/ODD son today!

[3Daddy31982]

Head was nice to me. That in itself isn't normal. She said XXXX played a game with us today. I was a bit lost. Turns out they'd lost him for quite some time. He'd hidden in cupboard. Other child told us they'd been out shouting his name. Class children were also searching for him!

He has ehcp and meant to have a one to one. I've previously not been happy with TAs not watching him.

He also came out in huge sobbing tears.

When he'd calmed down he told us noone found him. He didn't want to go to assembly and they'd said he had to. He said he was on his own! Which he must have been if they didn't know where he was.

Gut feeling is he isn't safe at this school. Felt that way since Sept when my Dad went to pick third child up and saw him solo and unwatched.

He wasn’t lost, he hid. He hid from staff who were taken away from teaching other children to search for him, which is ironic considering you want a 1-1 glued to him!

This happened to us several times with dd, once she had got out of the school and luckily another child alerted staff (she was meant to have 1:1 ffs). Another time I was called to collect her as she had climbed over the gate and then a week later she went missing during a PE lesson…apparently her TA was busy doing paperwork so she had no 1:1.

I kicked up a huge fuss, more security was out in place and more 1:1 (cover whilst other TA was doing paperwork), it made me really uncomfortable for the rest of the time she was there. I managed to get her a secure school for high school.

I did this once and remember it.

I played hide and seek a little too well. I could see everyone searching and to be fair they searched for ever. I was slightly offended they gave up and went to have their lunch.

In hindsight thats ridiculous because I was the one hiding - I was told to come out and didnt as I thought they were trying to cheat the game. I am neurotypical so that was just a life lesson for me which someone ADHD/ ODD might not understand - so I sympathise.

Perhaps no more hide and seek?

Another thread that makes me feel genuinely amazed that there’s anyone left that’s prepared to work in a school.

Poor child.
You need the school to investigate ASAP and provide written report to you.
Time he was lost
Time he was found
Where was TA?
What are provisions for when TA is on a break.
Why were children involved in search and how many ? ( is it possible that hearing lots of children calling his name scared him more?)
What are the steps taken to secure the school.
Who checked he could not have walked out a gate.
Absolutely every question you can think of.
Write them down. Present to the school as you want it investigated ( don’t ask, tell them)
Send a copy to school governors.
They failed in their duty of care to yoyr child.

So if he’s only entitled for 17 hours 1:1 and you expect eyes on him 100% of the time, I assume he only goes to school for 17 hours per week?

'It sounded like you weren't happy with the post & had some resentment.'

Christ. I don't know what Shangri-La you live in, but quite a lot of people who aren't always happy in their work, or dislike aspects of it, can't just leave. It isn't the 1960s - you can't walk out of a job at noon and find another one by clocking-off time 🙄 The job suits me in many ways. It's local. It's convenient. I get the holidays. I do the job, and I do it well - but I don't think anyone can additionally demand that I always be happy or not have any resentment. I don't make those things anyone else's problem, after all.

You can believe we should get paid more than you like, but we don't, so that's that.

Personally, I'd be nothing but grateful to teachers and TAs to using their best endeavours to help my additional needs child in their learning. Clearly you would not. Fine. 'My' ADHD/ODD child would have known hiding in a cupboard to avoid worship (a plausible contingency) was unacceptable behaviour per his behaviour plan. I wouldn't have got shit for it from anyone.

You can believe we should get paid more all you like, but we don't, so that's that.

@MabelsApron

Another thread that makes me feel genuinely amazed that there’s anyone left that’s prepared to work in a school.

Shame on you. We should live in a permanent state of ecstasy and gratitude, apparently.

@MrsPworkingmummy

In my school (SEMH / ASD) all students have EHCPs. Staffing ratios are excellent, we each carry radios for instant communication and we pride ourselves on supervising the students (age 5 to 19) well. However, on a weekly basis, students escape from school (jump over the 8 foot fence that surrounds the school field) or they kick through the reinforced locked doors. Students regularly try to hide in school too. If they run off site, protocol is that we search for 20 minutes before 'Missing From Education' protocol begins and the police takeover. This happens regularly and the children each have risk assessments linked to this (many of our students are in care so often try to leave site at the end of the day as they don't want to go home). Although we supervise well, the reality could be that an 18-stone violent and aggressive 15 year old is kicking off kicking through doors, pulling radiators off hinges, trying to attack staff etc and 5 staff members then may have to restrain him for 30 minutes before he calms down - in moments like this, other students may take advantage. In mainstream, staffing/student ratio is significantly lower, and with the best will in the world, it is impossible to supervise individual students every minute of the day. Both teachers and teaching assistants are pulled in so many directions. Usually, in mainstream, staff aren't allowed to be 'hands on' either and touch/pull the child back if they begin running/hiding/going into crisis. Sadly, although I've been a teacher for 16 years, it's only since working in SEMH/SEND specialist provision that I feel much much more skilled to teach/cater for students with EHCPs. And I'm a bloody good teacher too but still had a big skills deficit in this area. Training nationally is lacking and I think it should play a much more significant part in initial teacher training. I hope you come to a satisfactory resolution with the school OP.

How dare you reply when you haven’t got your own child with SEN

Where was TA?

Potentially not scheduled to be covering him at that time. Could well have just been the teacher and 30+ DC.

resumably he hid and WANTED omeone to find him....and they didnt. Maybe they knew EXACTLY where he was and let him be, to come out in his own time?

Of course he was on his own if he'd shut himself in a cupboard.
Maybe they TA was sitting quietly waiting for him to come out? if he looked to check, then he knew he was playing a game.

Not really sure why he came out sobbing- i

Maybe the TA was sitting quietly waiting for him to come out?

Er... the OP's dd says she heard them calling his name for some time, and the head admitted that they couldn't find him.

The 1-1 is there for a reason, and that is so they don't take their eyes off him for a second. They neglected in that duty of care.

@LetHimHaveIt

No-one should be arguing that a 1:1 TA should be deployed elsewhere. But they also shouldn't be expected to have eyes on the child every second: the ECHP money pays for a supernumerary TA, not a superhero. It's bloody exhausting looking after a child with ADHD and/or ODD. I was kicked, shoved, evaded, threatened, sworn at - and for the same money (fractionally more than minimum wage) than the 60-70% of TAs in my school who had classes with no pupils with additional needs at all. Extraordinary that parents who won't have eyes on their child every second at home, expect us to - and we probably have them for more weekday waking hours. Do you follow your ODD kids to the loo? Do they not play in their rooms without an adult present?

I have an ODD (adhd & autism) 8 year old child.

Yes I follow him to the toilet, he also has to follow me when I go. No he doesn’t play in his room without an adult to supervise him.

My sons special school doesn’t have him more waking weekday hours than I do either.

@toppkatz the function of most 1:1 s is to support the child and that rarely involves "not taking their eye off them for a moment" unless it's a child with a known flight risk. These are children, not criminals or dangerous wild animals.

My son once got out of school, across the road and into someone's house! The school didn't even see fit to tell me - I found out by accident from someone else who had been told in a funny anecdote kind of way and assumed I knew. It was a school for children with complex learning difficulties

@danni0509 and you never take your eyes off him for a second? That's your life is it, staring at him?

Since your gut feeling is he is unsafe at this school, move him rather than complain. Everyone's a winner then.
Does your DS have an understanding that hiding in a cupboard is wrong and not okay when his name is being called by a search party? He need to learn these things or go to a specialist school.

I'm just going to add to the posters saying they did not lose your son, he hid.
Am an SEN teacher, this could easily happen. No 1-1 Is superhuman and I bet even these SEN parents commenting "omfg sue the school" sometimes take their eyes off their child at home.
He was safe and was in an enclosed space- that he had chosen to get into. You and the school need to either work on his understanding of hiding not being acceptable in school, or he needs to not be in mainstream. Very sorry to be blunt but that is it.

The 1-1 is there for a reason, and that is so they don't take their eyes off him for a second. They neglected in that duty of care.

He doesn't have full time 1:1, in fact only about 50% of school hours. We don't know he had cover scheduled at the time he hid.

'I have an ODD (adhd & autism) 8 year old child.

Yes I follow him to the toilet, he also has to follow me when I go. No he doesn’t play in his room without an adult to supervise him.

My sons special school doesn’t have him more waking weekday hours than I do either.'

Then I'd suggest you're unusual, and I'm further astonished that you ever get anything done in the evenings, at the weekends, during the holidays - a meal cooked; washing on. Ultimately, I suppose, you are his mother. But it's largely academic. The expectation that a TA has 'eyes on' every second is unrealistic. That is emphatically not* what 1:1 means.

[quote Porcupineintherough]@danni0509 and you never take your eyes off him for a second? That's your life is it, staring at him?[/quote]
I never said that. So don’t put words that never came out of my mouth.

I was responding to her post where she said do you follow your ODD kid to the toilet? Do they not play in their room unsupervised? And that the school have them more waking weekday hours. Yes I follow him to the toilet, no he doesn’t play upstairs unsupervised and no school don’t have him more hours than I do.

My ds needs hefty supervision. Always in sight or sound. (He quite often has 2-1 support in his specialist school)

@RedHelenB

No one can watch a child constantly. He ran away and hid, talking about paedophiles in the neighbourhood is a red herring, he was in school.all the time. I hope you told him in no uncertain terms that he shouldn't ever hide in a cupboard at school again.

It is LITERALLY the job of the 1 to 1 to 'watch a child constantly' for goodness sake.

@2reefsin30knots

The 1-1 is there for a reason, and that is so they don't take their eyes off him for a second. They neglected in that duty of care.

He doesn't have full time 1:1, in fact only about 50% of school hours. We don't know he had cover scheduled at the time he hid.

And that's not what 1:1 means at any rate! 1:1 can be understood as distinct from 2:1; 3:1; 15:1. It doesn't mean 24/7 (or the school time equivalent).'

'They neglected in that duty of care' is meaningless. Do you mean 'they were negligent in their duty of care'?

We don’t know the age of the child, although I imagine he is the younger end of primary or infant.

We don’t know what the EHCP specifies in terms of hours. If it specifies all the hours the child is in school, then that is what the provision should be. That will mean more than oneTA, since an adult is entitled to a toilet break or a drink or something to eat during the course of the day, so those times must be covered. If it gives a number of hours that are less than the time the child is in school, then the school has to mitigate a risk by choosing the times when the child will have 1-1 support.

There may have been a reason why the school felt he had to be in assembly. If there isn’t, it would be a reasonable adjustment for a TA to do something with him in the classroom, rather than taking him into assembly. It’s important to find out if possible, what it is about assembly that upsets him.

I think OP needs to ask the school for a meeting to find out exactly what happened, what led up to it, what happened as a consequence and for a plan to be devised that will reduce the possibility of a similar circumstance. If she isn’t satisfied by that, it may be time to look for another school and probably an emergency review of the EHCP, to reflect that. Perhaps mainstream school isn’t the most appropriate setting, but that’s a decision for everyone involved, not for people here to decide.

I think that removing him from school might be in danger of allowing the local authority to abdicate responsibility for the boy’s education. If he’s withdrawn from school, without another one to go to, the OP will be regarded as withdrawing him to home educate.