Ride to hospital

[milano1mum]

First ever post. Please be gentle. I have 2 children with chronic health conditions. . Their health condition has dominated the last 5 years of our lives , we have moved countries to access better health care and ongoing surgeries have really effected everyone's lives including our middle child. My child may be having re-occurrence of the disease and needs an MRI asap. We can have the MRI on Tuesday but need to travel 7 hours to another country to go back to the same surgeon. I cannot drive .My husband does not want to drive us there as this will take the entire weekend and he has ski-ng planned with the middle child. I do not want to take the train as the whole event is already very stressful and taking the train could expose us to covid which means if the child needs surgery we may not be able to be admitted. I want him to drive us even though it sucks for him. AIBU?

He would rather go skiing than take his child for an urgent medical test?

Weird he would rather go skiing than take his child for urgent treatment.
What country are you in?

He would rather not disrupt the plans (sking) of our middle child , often sidelined in the medical events when we could take the train. I think it is tough but driving us will be less stressful.

Can someone else drive you?

No, we have moved countries (in covid!) so don't have much support around us.

I can see both your points to be fair.

How old is the child that needs to make the trip? Would they be a lot more tired or stressed if going by train? I would probably insist on doing what is most comfortable for the child who needs to attend the hospital appointment, but also understand it’s not ‘fair’ on the one who is always missing out on stuff. What are their ages, does the child meant to go skiing have an opinion?

Why would he want to put skiing before an important medical test? I can see why you don’t want to take public transport in this situation. Him driving you there is a no-brainer.

However I do wonder, what is the wider context? Does your middle child often have to make sacrifices for their siblings? If so that must be hard for them and I can see how your husband might be reluctant to want to give them this experience. That’s assuming you don’t live in the Alps or somewhere and skiing is a regular thing and could be done another weekend.

That said though, I would 100% want to drive you there if I were your husband.

Ah just saw your post about the sibling being sidelined.

Could you hire a car and drive there?

Can you not get the mri done locally then travel or videocall for results? I can see his point if dc2 rarely takes priority. Is having treatment so far away really sustainable?

I understand your husband’s point tbh. Your middle child deserves to have these kinds of opportunities. However I understand why you want him to drive you instead of you going on public transport.
Also I know it’s not a quick solution but are you learning to drive?

@MoveOnTheCards

Ah just saw your post about the sibling being sidelined.

Could you hire a car and drive there?

Op can’t drive

Sorry just saw you can’t drive.

Can you take the sibling skiing and your husband drive the other child?

I can see both sides tbh. Especially if your other child has been looking forwards to this for a long time. Driving for 14 hours is exhausting and presumably your other child will have to come too. What about a long distance taxi service, or first class train?

@BigRedBoat

Can you take the sibling skiing and your husband drive the other child?

Wha5 I was about to say. Paren5 who drives does the drive, other parent takes DC skiing

Thanks for the suggestion. I can't drive here. I need to start but the time to start is not on multi country trips involving 1 child with neurological symptoms and another who is medically terrified but needs a check up. This is the nature of chronic illness it stops you getting round to things. We do live near the Alps and the middle child could go Ski-ing with friends by himself.

Why did you actually move if your child needs to be treated by this surgeon? You say for better health care, but that doesn't make sense if you have to go back?

Sking requires driving 3 hours to slope.. Side note , I am a terrible skier.

Depends on the medical condition.

the middle child could go Ski-ing with friends by himself

Okay, so he’s a teenager or around that age. Can his dad go with him another day instead? Move the skiing day up/down, take a day off work and school, etc?

But the point is skiing with his parent. Would you really send a child three hours away, presumably staying overnight.

Can you take the middle child to do something nice and make skiing a priority next weekend?

Are you using private medical insurance as its happening in a country you don't live in? Could they not pay for transport? If its urgent why is it not being done in the country you moved to for the medical care? I do feel sorry for middle child who has moved countries and as you say is side lined already. Is it 7hrs by train too or 7hrs by road?

I’d just take the train tbh, storm in a teacup, and the middle DC deserves to have their trip go as planned in this situation as it’s you choosing to want to be driven. Also 7hr drive isn’t safe to do in one day. You’d get more exposure risk at whatever hotel you stay in than by taking a 4-5hr train there and back in one day.

So you don't want to drive to take middle child skiing but happy for them to drive 3 hrs themselves?