Ride to hospital

[milano1mum]

First ever post. Please be gentle. I have 2 children with chronic health conditions. . Their health condition has dominated the last 5 years of our lives , we have moved countries to access better health care and ongoing surgeries have really effected everyone's lives including our middle child. My child may be having re-occurrence of the disease and needs an MRI asap. We can have the MRI on Tuesday but need to travel 7 hours to another country to go back to the same surgeon. I cannot drive .My husband does not want to drive us there as this will take the entire weekend and he has ski-ng planned with the middle child. I do not want to take the train as the whole event is already very stressful and taking the train could expose us to covid which means if the child needs surgery we may not be able to be admitted. I want him to drive us even though it sucks for him. AIBU?

If there’s a chance of being admitted then you middle child should go and ski with friends and your DH should take you.
There is more covid risk on a train exposed to everyone on the train carriage than there is in a single hotel room. Not the other way around as a previous poster said.

@MoveOnTheCards

Why would he want to put skiing before an important medical test? I can see why you don’t want to take public transport in this situation. Him driving you there is a no-brainer.

However I do wonder, what is the wider context? Does your middle child often have to make sacrifices for their siblings? If so that must be hard for them and I can see how your husband might be reluctant to want to give them this experience. That’s assuming you don’t live in the Alps or somewhere and skiing is a regular thing and could be done another weekend.

That said though, I would 100% want to drive you there if I were your husband.

Thanks. Yes my middle (brilliant) child often makes sacrifices but has been sking LOADS and isn't even that keen. If you fancy flying out to Italy for a cross border drive I and pretend to be my husband i would be so up for it . I am finding him very annoying.

Why would a 7hr journey take 3 days by car? And if it takes 3 days, where are you staying overnight? If that is the case YADBU if the options are a 3 day car trip or a 7hr train journey and you want to take the car option.

I get breaking the journey up but even when DD was a baby in a car seat she could do 6-8hrs in the car over the course of a single day - we'd just do 90mins-2hr chunks and schedule in a couple of rest stops and somewhere for lunch.

@FrogIAm

If there’s a chance of being admitted then you middle child should go and ski with friends and your DH should take you. There is more covid risk on a train exposed to everyone on the train carriage than there is in a single hotel room. Not the other way around as a previous poster said.

This is my exact preferred scenario. Although now we have had such stupid row on top of the stress middle child stating he doesn't want to go sking and first child regretting they have told us about their neurological symptoms. Feeling like a total parental failure.

But why will it take 3 days to do a 7hr drive? It is bonkers! Do you drive at all, could you use these days to practise and get your confidence up?

@melj1213

Why would a 7hr journey take 3 days by car? And if it takes 3 days, where are you staying overnight? If that is the case YADBU if the options are a 3 day car trip or a 7hr train journey and you want to take the car option.

I get breaking the journey up but even when DD was a baby in a car seat she could do 6-8hrs in the car over the course of a single day - we'd just do 90mins-2hr chunks and schedule in a couple of rest stops and somewhere for lunch.

7 hours by car for husband to take us (tommorrow) , then he has to return 7 hours to work by Sunday night.

We would just hang out in the hotel monday until MRI and consultation on Tuesday. Then we will be admitted or sent home . The issue is my 1st child has severe vertigo so changing trains etc gonna be tricky as the 3rd child (medically traumatised) also needs a consultation after their surgery so I was hoping for most stress free way to get there.

@MichelleScarn

But why will it take 3 days to do a 7hr drive? It is bonkers! Do you drive at all, could you use these days to practise and get your confidence up?

Because driving through Milan is a death wish , also I have a child who may fit.

He should be driving you really, as the skiing is 'routine' and not something middle child is eally looking forward to.
At the same time 7 hours with a single driver isn't safe.
Can you not drive part of the way only?

I don’t get if the mri is on Tuesday then travel up after dh finishes work on Sunday or go Monday. I also don’t understand why you moved so far away when the surgeon your son needs is in another condition. If the condition can and does come back is it not better to think about moving back in the future. Skiing does not take priority over an illness or medical condition.

Also how is it possible for the entire thing to take 6 days - don't either of you have jobs?

Just wondering if it's 'only' the skiing tha't's the issue

Does 1st child have the mri or the 3rd child? If its 3rd child then if 1st child who has vertigo which is stopping you get train can stay at home? If middle child is old enough to go skiing on their own, can their older sibling not remain at home with their df and sibling while you get train with 3rd dc?

OP lives in Italy near Alps & wants to get to another country 7 hours drive.
OP sought advice in at least 3 different countries.
UK doctors can't help.
Eldest child has symptoms that are easily hidden ( but could be recurrence)
Results of MRI could mean immediate surgery.
Is anyone tracking why the 7 hour journey means 3 nights in hotel before return?

Well I'm intrigued what in world condition is.
Better than watching Alien Convenant , for sure.

@CharlotteRose90

I don’t get if the mri is on Tuesday then travel up after dh finishes work on Sunday or go Monday. I also don’t understand why you moved so far away when the surgeon your son needs is in another condition. If the condition can and does come back is it not better to think about moving back in the future. Skiing does not take priority over an illness or medical condition.

I thought the OP didn't actually move. I thought she meant: OP lives in country X. Decided to seek treatment in country Y (not move the whole family there, just be a patient). Now children are ill again, so OP has to go back to country Y.

It wouldn't make sense to move AWAY from doctors?

@lljkk

OP lives in Italy near Alps & wants to get to another country 7 hours drive. OP sought advice in at least 3 different countries. UK doctors can't help. Eldest child has symptoms that are easily hidden ( but could be recurrence) Results of MRI could mean immediate surgery. Is anyone tracking why the 7 hour journey means 3 nights in hotel before return?

Well I'm intrigued what in world condition is.
Better than watching Alien Convenant , for sure.

I'm also v lost. I thought it was just the wine, but apparently not!

I thought it was youngest child that needs the mri surgery?

Ah... Xpost.
How many hours is husband meant to drive on what days?

So OP wants husband to drive them there on Saturday.
But not thru Milan?
Husband drives 7 hours back on Sunday, to work Sunday evening.
Sunday evening or Monday: husband at work.?
Tues: husband drives 7 hours again to MRI place
Tues+Weds+Thurs - husband drives back -- but not via Milan.

Or maybe not...

@lljkk AHHHH
OK I GET IT

Husband has to return for work Sunday night.
So 7 hours there, 7 hours return by the weekend.
So that all the drivinf will be done by Sunday.
Then OP stays in hotel room until the appointment.

But wait... that means it's not 'just' a '7 hour drive' is it?

It's 28 hours.
7 there 7 back.
And repeat after the appointment.

Unless he's not driving them back?

Only to?

@lljkk

Ah... Xpost. How many hours is husband meant to drive on what days?

So OP wants husband to drive them there on Saturday.
But not thru Milan?
Husband drives 7 hours back on Sunday, to work Sunday evening.
Sunday evening or Monday: husband at work.?
Tues: husband drives 7 hours again to MRI place
Tues+Weds+Thurs - husband drives back -- but not via Milan.

Or maybe not...

We have the same brain lmao

Sorry to say this, but does middle child really not want to go skiing now, or is it possible that they are saying this because the level of drama that's happening and they are feeling guilty?

@Theluggage15

How over complicated. Have the MRI locally, why do you need to travel so in advance and why say you’ve moved for better healthcare when you have to travel so far now?

Wow you are so right- please sort out a MRI for us locally. Let me know when.

@milano1mum

He would rather not disrupt the plans (sking) of our middle child , often sidelined in the medical events when we could take the train. I think it is tough but driving us will be less stressful.

Get the train. Middle child is already missing out and a 7 hour car journey is no fun for anyone.

Ah... OP lives in Milan which is why she can't learn to drive there.

side note: Italian cities would make nice kitten names

Do you have a paediatrician in the local hospital? We quite often organise scans/bloods for children whose main care is in the tertiary centre some distance away, then send the results (actual pictures, not just reports) through. Though I can imagine that it being in a different country would add complications. I'm just surprised that a child with such a presumably complex condition doesn't have a local contact point.

Missing something, clearly, but why did you choose to move so far from your specialist?

7 hours by car for husband to take us (tommorrow) , then he has to return 7 hours to work by Sunday night.

So you want your husband to spend his weekend doing 14hrs driving, then go to work to then do the same again midweek? I don't drive any more but just the thought of doing multiple 7hr journeys over the course of consecutive days is making me feel exhausted.